Year-End Virtual Holiday Party

What does it look like when our Heroes Thanking Heroes Leadership Team gets together (online) for a Secret Santa gift swap and an Ugly Christmas Sweater party?

We weren’t sure either, so we gave it a go this week for a “Virtual” Christmas party and our computer screens were filled with smiles and laughter from our co-workers.  A great way to end the wonderful year we’ve had...

You may not be aware of how our leadership team operates so we’d like to share that with you, our followers, because it’s actually a really great concept.

Every Heroes Thanking Heroes employee, or representative as we’d like to call them, is either a wounded or disabled veteran OR the caregiver/spouse to one. All 40+.
This includes our Leadership Team.  Made up of 10 of our Senior Representatives and Directors, our Leadership meets weekly through Zoom video chats to discuss and plan for the upcoming week.

It’s not always calm, there’s bad internet connection, husbands walking (or rolling) through, adorable kids making sure they have their camera time, pets joining the call- you really just never know what could come up at our meetings. But, it certainly makes for a great time when we can take a moment to laugh when the uncertainties come.

Who are we?

Our Director, Sarah, is the wife and caregiver to a wounded marine who lives daily with a bullet still lodged in his head from his combat experiences.
Our representatives are veterans that suffer from severe PTSD, traumatic brain injuries, blindness and so much more.

Our representatives are spouses and mothers, those who provide around the clock care to our nation’s veterans, that otherwise couldn’t obtain employment outside of the home.

What makes HTH unique?
The Heroes Thanking Heroes program is unique because we provide a much-needed service, transitional work-from-home employment, to heroes that deserve a chance at a better life regardless of their circumstances or the injuries and illnesses they’ve been faced with. They deserve to feel like they are contributing to their families, their community, and our nation after their service.

What makes our program MOST unique is the friendship and support within our team. We are FAMILY. We’ve worked hard to get here.  We’ve had our challenges as a team and many of our representatives have had their own personal road bumps and obstacles but this year, 2018, we’ve been able to virtually help so many veteran families rebuild their lives in times of need.

Our journey maps have no exit ramps. There will always be bumps in the road, but one thing is for sure, we’re not on this road trip alone. We each have a whole virtual team rallied beside us, ready to be there even if it’s just to provide a laugh or listening ear.

For a wonderful year, thank you to our amazing donors. You are what makes this virtual environment, OUR REALITY.

To help support our program and work from home employment for veteran families, visit www.saluteheroes.org/give-help/

I am...

I Am…
I am a caregiver, but that is not all I am.
I care for my wounded veteran.
I often play the role of both Mom and Dad.
I am the family taxi driver. I am the chef.
I am the maid.
I am Mom.

These job titles are important to me, but I have learned to make time for myself. This is what makes me the best version of myself for all who rely on me to be at my best. Over the last few years, I have learned how being transparent is allowing others to see and hear your story to help their story. I very quickly became okay with that. It fit my life motto of leaving someone better than you found them.  I hear other people's stories, and I can’t help to answer the little whispers Jesus places on my heart. However, I have been at a standstill on what's next for me. It is hard raising kids AND caregiving for a veteran whom to your unknowing eyes looks normal if that's even a word that could be applied.
Life is never going to be the same for us, and that is something I honestly am still working on. He went to war and it changed all our lives. It cannot be omitted from his or our timeline and cannot be done. This is something he will always have to face and work on which means it has equally changed us also. I know it is Christmas time where all is magical, and every day is like a snow globe, the perfect life... except it is not and just about every month someone keeps shaking the hell out of my snow globe. For a long time, I kept waiting for the storm to pass however it is never that long before the next is rolling in. Just long enough to catch your breath and feel winded again.

This year has changed me. This is the year it really sunk in that life as I knew it before was over. I know what you think..sad poor me... But, No.. not really. There are moments that life is tough and that's when I lean to my new family and friends. It is funny how many friendships you gather when you no longer keep guarded. It is the truth that there is a lot of darkness that follows in our environment. That is when I dig deeper and find new light. This storm is not passing but WOW! I'm aww struck that I have found beauty in it. It is placing me first.

At first it seemed selfish, but then I read about how Jesus rested, and he leads all. It was okay for me to replenish my soul without the guilt of being selfish. It is taking the first steps into something new and unknown as it is still storming. I did something I have never done before. I keep answering the little voices Jesus placed in my heart which is leading me down a path of all new adventures for myself, for work and just about everything else. This is something I would have never chosen to do on my own. I was a teacher. I loved it. Preschool to be exact and I still love that age (3-4 year olds).  I thought I could go back to it after Nathan got better.  Nathan is not getting better. In fact, he will need treatment that will take him away 3-9 weeks and my littlest already started school. Life is funny and often has a different plan from our own. I honestly have no idea what will happen next and that is ok. With Jesus as my lead, I have answered his first call to me. Surely it's an adventure into the unknown. What if I fail? What if it does not make enough?

Jesus said, "It's ok, just step."
I took that step as I lead two fundraisers myself. It not much different than an event if you have planned something like this before. Literally, before all the chaos of war aftermath- I lined up two events in one month to raise money for the Coalition to Salute America’s Heroes. I prayed to raise a set amount. I got nervous after the weather changed. I live in upstate NY so of course, you plan an event outside and it will rain, hail, and snow all day. And do you know what happened? At the end of the month, when both events were complete, I had made 38 cents more than what I had asked in prayer.

This was not about what money was made (all though that was a feel-good bonus). It was about answering a call that took me well outside my comfort zone during the storm. This is the year I stretched pass what I felt possible, the point one should break. I did not break. In fact, I bent and grew in more ways than I knew was possible.  I have met so many people who understand all the struggles I face and step in to help. I found a workplace that slowly showed me ways to get the break I needed after I took down my walls and let them in. Family comes in many forms and they are all very much just that for me. From the CEO, all the way down the ladder to transitional workers where I started. I applied for a fellowship that (fingers crossed) reminds me of a sentence I spoke almost 5 years ago... "This is not okay with me, I will take this fight all the way to DC if I must.” I hope I get that chance.

This is the year that yielded the greatest of blessings during the storm. So, as November ends, I am thankful for the storm that changed my path and grateful for the unknown because it's not as scary now.

Love and Laughter,
Melissa Johnson, HTH Representative, Veteran Caregiver

An Unforgettable Weekend, Thanks to the Coalition to Salute America’s Heroes

Heroes Freedom Weekend- These are three words that will forever be burned into my mind as well as my husband, Antonio’s mind. We recently had the privilege of attending this amazing weekend put together by The Coalition to Salute America’s Heroes. To be honest, neither of us will ever be able to put this experience into words. With that being said, I wanted to do my best to share about this opportunity, for many reasons; I want those who have reservations about wanting to attend future events to clear those out, those who made it possible to know how thankful we are, and all those involved to know we couldn’t have hoped for a better group to be part of our moments.

I have worked for The Coalition in the Heroes Thanking Heroes program for four years. They have held Road to Recovery Conferences and other great events to help our heroes and their families heal and thrive. I have heard great things all these years about these events and chose to pass up the applications to attend. I always had some reason for not going. “The kids are too young, maybe next year” or  “Who would we get to care for the fur babies? There is no way I could do enough preparation for his PTSD for a trip like that.”

I’m just going to be honest here and say I know they were all excuses. To tell you the truth I’m a small- town girl, I’ve traveled, but never by plane and have no desire to do so. (Yes, even though we did fly to HFW and our flights were uneventful I have no further wish to be in the air.) This is only one of the purposes for my excuses. Other than that, we rarely do anything without our children. We always feel like if we don’t take the trip, someone else will be able to go who may need it more than us. (Let me tell you, WE needed this trip and did not know until after.)

     I only applied for this trip to New York because this is something that was on my Lovie’s bucket list (the things we do for the ones we love right?!). When I found out we were one of the couples chosen, a knot formed in my stomach and though I was so excited to be able to make one of my hubby’s dreams come true, I was a wreck. Planning, re-planning, and continuing this until the day of our take off. I packed and repacked a hundred times. I set up a plan for my four kids and three dogs. I researched every location near our planned stay, every place on the iternerary, walked through different possibilities with Tony (because this is normal for anywhere we go in attempt to cut out as many PTSD flare ups as possible).

     Fast forward to getting through the airport and in the air. I was not shocked when my husband stepped into SGT mode running through this event like I was one of his soldiers, walking me through the airport. However, once seated and preparing for take off, husband mode kicked in and he ignored his fear of heights- holding my hand, calming the anxiety about being in a metal tube in the air, the anxiety that I had tried so hard to hide from him. Leave it to him to crack jokes like, he had no idea I could get any whiter until that very moment.

     We were greeted at the airport by an amazing team and the relief of familiar faces couldn’t have been sweeter! This brought other pleasantries as well because even though I was seeing five familiar faces, four of them I had never been able to meet in person so I was super excited to actually be able to hug the people who have become so much a part of my heart.

     Our cab driver was great he made sure to take us around the biggest part of the chaotic traffic, telling us about the city as we drove. Upon arriving at the Marriott, we couldn’t wipe the smiles off our faces. The excitement of it all well exceeded the anxiety of being in such a busy place. As we came off the elevator, we were met with another amazing team and I couldn’t help but let my luggage
drop as I rushed to embrace more familiar faces.

      We made our way to our room with our treat box (that had so much thought put into it with snacks, water, t-shirts, etc.). We got settled in and most definitely needed that snack inside the box. Tony finds a small stone, hand painted. He stated that this little stone is so meaningful that he needs no other souvenirs the rest of the trip. (Obviously, we are off to an astounding first day!)

Dinner was no exception to this already set high standard. Getting to know other veterans and their wives, enjoying too much amazing food to do anything but sample each item presented, the evening was wonderful. There was a brief moment when Tony’s PTSD started rearing it’s ugly self and we stepped outside for a little space. While talking it out and trying to get distracted by the now lit up Times Square, one of the team leads made their way out to check and make sure everything was ok. Once he was assured all was well enough, he let us alone. This helped erase the rest of the flare up as it meant a lot to Tony to know it wasn’t just me who had his six.

      Sleeping was not easy. The room was nice, the bed was comfortable, the noise was loud but bearable, but the anticipation for the next day kept me awake. How could they possibly top such a stupendous start? The next morning, after breakfast, we began PAIRS (we highly encourage this program even if you do not attend a future HFW, you can look into this or the VA counterpart Warrior to Soulmate). Here is where I should say my Lovie is not comfortable sharing his emotions or even feeling them for the most part. When he is not comfortable, neither am I because I am consistently trying to fix his situation. On the other hand, as much as I protect and nurture I tend to push him when I know it is helpful for him. No one was being forced to share, however, just listening will draw up thoughts and emotions. We truly appreciate the advantages we were given with the tools we were able to add to our toolbox from this class.

      During our free time, we walked as much as possible just exploring different directions from our hotel. There is so much to see and take in. The many different sights and smells can bring you to so many locations alone. We saw and smelled things that reminded us of places we were while Tony was active duty, home, and even made us feel like we were visiting places we’ve never been, only heard about. Not all of our experiences on this trip were pleasant, there were some out of our coordinators hands and it only intensified the entertainment of the whole weekend, making the delightful moments greater and the not so fantastic moments roll off like a drop of rain on a window. You can find negativity anywhere- but if you chose to see the positive in what is going on, there is no way for the negative to take over.

     Here is where it gets even harder to find fitting words. It was time to visit the 9-11 Memorial. 9/11/2001 is the reason my hubby joined the military. One could say it was the start of our life because had it not been for 9-11, he had planned to just stay in school. He already had colleges picked out so we probably would have never met. He also would have never been injured. A very bitter sweet realization of such a horrific, historical moment. Stepping onto ground zero sent chills through every inch of our bodies. This was one of the moments we collected that though we spoke no words to each other- with a brief eye lock, it was understood we were in the same emotional space. Standing outside listening to Joe Torillo share about the history we were standing on, showing us a little model of what used to stand around us was a privilege beyond measure. As we made our way inside, the air changed. There is a heaviness around you that is indescribable. You are able to take pictures in many places but it almost feels wrong to do so. There are several audios playing of the victims’ families saying their names and relationship; making your heart  cry as you can feel the pain in their voices making you cringe. All the while you are also filled with hope and pride seeing many pieces of art that were inspired truly by the strength and American courage represented that day. This same spirit was escalated when we were granted a visit to the FDNY 10 House having the pleasure to meet the World Trade Center Man and soak up as much knowledge as he could spill out to us; just before entering and having the honor of meeting the firemen inside hearing their losses because of 9-11.
   
 The next day is filled with as much excitement as the last with many emotions flowing wildly. Tony and I were so ready to visit Lady Liberty and Ellis Island. The feeling wasn’t just because he is so big on history but, also because of all our loved ones at home were ecstatic to know we were going, waiting to hear all about it. Much like the 9-11 Memorial, being there is indescribable. You begin to drift into imagining the stories these monuments could tell if they had the chance. These stories are mildly captured by the statue in Battery Park once you leave the ferry created by Luis Sanguino named The Immigrants. After lunch, we were presented with a scavenger hunt, such a creative, fun way to bring out competitive natures and allow us to explore the park. We didn’t come in first place but there could be no losers really as it was another growth experience for us and more moments to collect.

    Winding up our final day, we joined another couple visiting the Empire State Building before dinner. We were both glad to build bonds with our extended veteran and Coalition family. On the walk, we shared life stories and were able to trade camera man positions to capture some lasting memories. Our last dinner together was unforgettable as we were able to be present hearing first responder Joe Torillo’s survival story. This man’s story was more affirmation for my husband that he did the right thing taking up arms and joining the fight for our freedom and protection. We couldn’t be more pleased or grateful with the opportunity and privilege of Heroes Freedom Weekend. As a personal review, we have been building up to this trip landing in and adding everything it has to offer during the perfect time of our lives. It became another corner stone in our relationship. I couldn’t be happier that we were able to collect these moments, relationships, and memories.

-Lacy Mullen, Heroes Thanking Heroes Representative, Veteran Caregiver

To learn how you can help support our mission in rebuilding the lives of severely wounded post 9/11 veterans, visit the Coalition's website at www.saluteheroes.org

Sit Means Sit: The Training Continues

The end of September and the first part of October was an exciting time for me. I was blessed to be part of the team that brought a group of Veterans and their spouses to New York for the Heroes Freedom Weekend. From there, my wife and I headed to Ireland for 8 days. I had additional travel obligations in October and found myself away from home more than I was at home.  Although this time away was amazing- there was one downfall. Luna is too young to travel with me which meant she had to stay with the kids and family while my wife and I were gone. Luna had progressed beautifully in her training before my traveling began and I was so proud of how far we had come.

As I write this blog, I am looking at the remnants of a pair of Oakley sun glasses that are sitting on top of a flyer for a dog training organization called Sit Means Sit. It is very ironic because I believe the only part of her training she remembers IS sit. Although we left her in our home with our children and my mother in law, she has been acting like a rebellious teenager. We had hoped that bringing someone in to stay with her and keep her environment the same would stop some of the regression that we knew was inevitable. The amount of regression we have experienced is much more than we ever could have anticipated and decided to get outside help.

Luna developed a UTI while we were traveling and we had difficulty getting her healthy again. When we were leaving on a second trip her UTI reemerged and she had to have a multitude of tests again including an ultrasound and bloodwork to see if her kidneys were involved. This sweet baby that had been potty-trained since we got her was now having difficulty controlling her bladder. Luna was even peeing in our bed in her sleep. This illness came at the same time as what we now think is separation anxiety.

Luna started freaking out when we would leave her at home. We have other dogs and prior to this she was ok to be home and not kenneled when we went to the gym or on a quick errand. Now, Luna is tearing up the house- eating sunglasses, boxes, toys, and peeing all over the house if she is left alone. Even if we leave her downstairs and we are upstairs. This led us to the decision to bring in a professional. Someone that can assess her behavior and make sure that we get it under control immediately. I often travel for work and we can not have her go through this type of regression every time I am gone. Eventually she will travel with me but not until she is fully trained as a service dog and passes the test. This could take many more months.

I know that both my wife and I will not be gone at the same time in the next few months so I am confident we can get this little girl back on track. I look forward to the meeting with the trainer who will hopefully be able to tell me how to fix these newfound fears and habits. One trait that she has not lost that I believe is important part of her training is her medical empathy. Last week my wife had to start some new medications while I was out of town and it has made her pretty sick. Luna did not leave her side- laying on top of her to keep her in bed, laying next to her when she was vomiting in the bathroom, and jumping up and pawing at her when she was getting very anxious dealing with our adopted son’s difficulties in school. These are not things we have taught her, these are things she does instinctively.

I know that Luna will regain the skills she has forgotten and we will move forward in her training over the next few weeks. Stay tuned.

Juan Perez, Heroes Thanking Heroes Assistant Director

A Letter of Thanks

To the Coalition to Salute Americas Heroes and their Amazing staff,

  My Husband Curtis and I recently attended the Heroes Freedom Weekend in New York. The experience was absolutely amazing and is something we will both never forget. This was the first time to New York for the both of us. The Staff was so very friendly and extremely helpful and caring throughout the entire weekend.

It’s not often that we are able to get away from home and experience a weekend like we did. We are extremely thankful for this special opportunity.  A few of the many highlights of our weekend was definitely visiting the 9/11 Memorial and the 9/11 museum. It was emotional and a surreal moment for us both. A moment we will never forget. Visiting the firehouse across the street and hearing stories from the fire chief was also really awesome as well.

Visiting the Statue of Liberty was amazing. Curtis had always wanted to see the Statue of Liberty in Person and he had such a great day that day. Meeting and speaking with the other veteran couples was also so helpful and a feeling of not being in this journey alone. The Pairs therapy classes were also very beneficial for us. During one the evenings on our free time we were able to experience The Empire State Building and just be in awe of that beautiful view from the top.

Words cannot express how thankful we are for this opportunity and we also want to give a huge thanks to the Coalition, the staff, the therapy team, Our team lead Antoinette Batchelor, The NY firefighters and 9/11 hero Joe Torillo, and all the amazing couples we got to experience this Freedom Weekend trip with.

Sincerely,
Curtis & Dorothy Dimas

A 'Thank You' Message From the Johnson's

Heroes Freedom Weekend
I grew up in New York. I know people assume that means New York City. NYC is a world away from the town I grew up in. One quick blink and you could miss my small little hometown. Yet the city is my backyard. I love visiting the city and all its grandness. It is HUGE. I love the hustle and bustle, but it is not home. In my fourth-grade year, we had a chance to partake in a trip to NYC. Of course, the statue of liberty and many other things were on our agenda to visit. You always remember your first experience more vividly, at least this was my case. Culture shocked and AWW inspired, I was. I most looked forward to going to the World Trade Center. It was the tallest building. Riding an elevator up 108 stories seemed a bit scary, primarily since I was never fond of elevators. I remember the ride surprisingly not taking as long as anticipated and my stomach flopping with the fast movement. The teachers were right... people of NYC had their own pace: fast and faster. The shops, the stores, but what amazed me most was sitting in the bench seats trembling with fear of heights and looking down to a whole other world. Yellow cabs were the size of matchbox cars, the people were no larger than ants and being that high up left me feeling the sway of the building moving. How does steel flex that much? The whole time, I was just watching, lost in amazement. It was and still is the sight and place I remember most from our visit.

Fast forward to the year I was turning 23. I taught a preschool class for 3-4 year-olds.  The TV was on and my co-workers were staring at the screen. I watch in disbelief. This does not happen to America. I remember having at least 10 friends unaccounted for because they worked or lived close to ground zero. I also had 5 families throughout the morning come to me with similar statements such as this one,  "I am not sure how this day is going to end for us... If I can’t get back here, can you make sure they are ok?"

Yes, I will stay however long is needed. Waiting to hear if the kids you love like your own family are ok makes time stop. Keeping up with news and trying to keep them away from it all just became my most important job. By the end of the day and into the week, they all returned and as for my friends, they were located.

My safety changed that day. What always will stay with me is I know what it took for the people to jump from that height seeing with my own eyes how grand it was. They are always in my prayers. I have been to the 9/11 museum one other time. Going into the room where all the faces are, knowing the path of my life is always for a reason. My husband resigned because of the terror attacks on September 11, 2001. He was a firefighter/paramedic. Pair that with being Army Infantry- It was not IF he would go to war. It was always a case of when. Going to these kinds of places that will affect you much more profound and different than some is so much more comfortable with a group of people. Everyone in our group knew this is the place where it started, and it would feel much like a band-aid being ripped off. It was important to go there and be a part of this whole retreat. NYC is not a place we can just visit anytime. It triggers every one of Nathan's components he deals with. But having the strength to do it with a new tribe to help us is key to keeping the momentum of being able to take another step forward. I read something this week that said Wellness without we is just illness. It stayed with me. Everyone from the trip will stay with me. Thank you for the adventures and even joy.

Nathan knew firefighters and 1st responders that were hurt and killed in the past. He personally knew someone from firehouse 10 whose brother lost both legs while saving lives that day. He has lots of layers, and most do not know that. Protecting life and taking is a double sword that stays with him. He knew this trip would not be easy. Even through all of that hesitation, Nathan still had the courage to sign up to attend. He was brave enough to show up and to do the hard work. He also found the courage to venture out alone with me to the one place he most wanted to go to. So that is what we did. Katz, here we come! We rode the subway, took detours because the F train is being worked on, had a long walk to Chinatown and we made it! Check one food place from his food show bucket list off. Finding Joy in the storm is just part of the journey. We are glad to have had this chance, thank you for making our lives a little kinder.

-Melissa Johnson; Heroes Thanking Heroes representative, veteran caregiver and attendee of the 2018 Heroes Freedom Weekend.

To learn how you can help support our mission in rebuilding the lives of severely wounded post 9/11 veterans, visit the Coalition's website at www.saluteheroes.org

Happy Halloween from our HTH Families!

The Fall festivities are in full force for our Heroes Thanking Heroes Veteran families! 

Take a look at the spooky and fun costumes the kids are trick or treating in! Happy Halloween!

Chamberlyn, 8yrs old shares her excitement- 

“This year I’m going as “red” a fraggle from Fraggle Rock 80’s tv show and my mom made my costume for me. I’m excited to look just like her. I’m also looking forward to getting a bunch of candy trick or treating. I also love seeing all the cars decorated for trunk or treat too!” 

Kaelyn, 8 yrs old, shares her excitement-

"What I'm most excited for on Halloween is the candy! I like candy but what I like the most about Halloween is having fun with my family. Especially my Dad because he always is the funniest and the scariest on Halloween because he helps me when somebody is dressed scary. He distracts them and they start asking questions about him having no legs. If my family, and especially my Dad were not here, I would not like Halloween."

Heroes Freedom Weekend with the Thompson’s

My husband and I just recently returned from the Heroes Freedom Weekend in NYC.  It isn't often that my husband and I get to do anything only the two of us.  This was actually the first time in over two years since we got to get away alone.  My husband was on the fence about going to NYC.  He was worried about crowds and travel.  He suffers from mental health issues, and things like that are very hard for him.  In fact, the night before he was having second thoughts and considering not going.  He was already having panic attacks and he had not even left the house.

The Coalition had made all travel arrangements and thankfully we were able to fly out of our local airport which is smaller and getting through TSA was a breeze.  Once we arrived at the airport in NYC, we were greeted by several of the Veteran and Caregivers that work in the Heroes Thanking Heroes program.  The whole weekend was great from start to finish we were able to spend time getting to know other veteran couples.  We reconnected with some couples we met several years ago. 

It is a great comradery  that veterans have with other veterans.  They don't have to be from the same branch of the military.  They don't have to have experienced the same trauma.  It is often hard when a Veteran gets out of the military.  They struggle to find where they belong because being in the military and with other veterans is what they are used to.  It is what they trained for.  The Coalition to Salute America's Heroes knew that when they were planning this trip.  They knew that sometimes Veterans are not able to do things they want to do alone because it is just too much for them.  Because of all the time and careful planning, we were able to have a once in a lifetime experience. 

The trip was a great combination of couples workshops to work on marriage and communication, as well as getting to experience some of the sights of NYC, spending time alone with my husband and spending time with other couples.  We made some lasting friendships.  I knew when we signed up for this trip that my husband although he always wanted to go to NYC and see the 9/11 Memorial Museum and the Statue of Liberty he wouldn't go alone.  I knew that for him it was too overwhelming and stressful to be in such a busy city.  Something about being with other veterans, and in a large group made it manageable.  Knowing that someone had his back made it a little bit better. 

I can't thank the Coalition to Salute America's Heroes and the Donors that made this trip possible enough.  My husband and I really needed some time to reconnect. 

-Christine Thompson; Heroes Thanking Heroes representative, veteran caregiver and attendee of the 2018 Heroes Freedom Weekend.

To learn how you can help support our mission in rebuilding the lives of severely wounded post 9/11 veterans, visit the Coalition's website at www.saluteheroes.org

Heroes Freedom Weekend: A Little R&R for the Rileys

Wow! Let me just start off by saying how amazing it was to be selected to go on the trip to New York City with The Coalition to Salute America's Heroes for Heroes Freedom Weekend. It was definitely an opportunity of a lifetime that my husband and I are deeply grateful for!

First of all, my husband and I have three beautiful children who consume our lives with their various activities. From football to piano lessons to gymnastics to church services, we dedicate most of our lives to the growth of our children. We do not resent that! However,  we were given this opportunity to be alone in New York City, and we definitely wanted to jump on.

I was beyond excited as I had never been to New York before. My husband had been before, but not me. It seems we couldn’t have come at a more busier time. The United Nations were meeting in downtown Manhattan and that is exactly where we happened to be staying. The cab ride was exciting and nerve-racking, to say the least, haha! The hotel accommodations were phenomenal and comfortable. Everybody from the Coalition welcomed us with a smile and with a hug to make us feel just like family.

As the week went on, we toured several sites in New York City. We went to the Empire State Building, Statue of Liberty, the 9/11 memorial site, Time Square, and many other amenities that New York has to offer. Everything was organized and stuck to the schedule that was given to us.

What we liked most about the trip wasn’t necessarily the city, but it was that we felt a sense of family outside our natural families. To be quite frank, we felt loved and for that- it was priceless. So on behalf of my Husband and I, we want to say thank you to the Coalition to Salute America's Heroes, not just for a great trip, but for welcoming us in as a part of the family.

-Melissa Riley, Heroes Thanking Heroes Representative, veteran caregiver, and attendee of the 2018 Heroes Freedom Weekend.

To learn how you can help support our mission in rebuilding the lives of severely wounded post 9/11 veterans, visit the Coalition's website at www.saluteheroes.org

Let Them Be

Let Them Be

By: Hugo Gonzalez

Accepting the reality that we are already at the center of this school year, a reality that seems to be a lie because of the rapidity that use to unravel for our wounded military families, but we know that from one moment to another you can also take a desperate, overwhelming slowness ... if you are a wounded military family or if you know one … you know well what I am referring to. My point is that by this time our children are already established in the routine, they know well what their obligations are, to cope with the injuries of their parents and how to accommodate their school year lifestyle and it's requirements. They know well in which subject they are solid and if it were the case, in which subject they may need reinforcement, to finish their school year satisfactorily. In the case of our house, our daughters compete to maintain the honor roll.

This is precisely where the line of thought that led me to write these lines begins to take shape. The pride I feel for my daughters, not to mention for my entire family, has been transcribed to a feeling of respect which emerges and reconfirms itself at the least expected moment. It has happened to me in recent days, and I explain below.

With the typical contagious motivation that our family vehicle embarks during the afternoons when we pick them up at school, each day one of our three daughters takes a turn. They negotiate a little more time between them to relate and share with us the events of the school day, the achievements of the homework of the previous day, and the new challenges assigned to them by their teachers. They know well that from the school, there are approximately 17 minutes on the road and it is a system that we have applied throughout their school career. It's THEIR time and they enjoy it a lot. It is also a very good opportunity for us to learn how their day was, if something extraordinary happened that deserves our attention and more about them in their school environment. 

One day, in particular, the emotion came out through the pores. Two of our daughters are twins and share the same classroom while the youngest is in fifth grade. Practically shouting with emotion, they informed us that the school would participate in a writing competition, promoted by the state of Florida, in which they had to submit a composition in the form of an essay that did not exceed 400 words. The first place winner will receive a $5000.00 prize.

The topics … 

For the 5th grader: WHAT A VETERAN MEANS TO ME … and … for the twins in 7th grade- WHY DO I HONOR THE FLAG?

Wow... Really?  I want to clarify that these issues were assigned by the state, and the girls did not choose them as such, but obviously, it is a topic that in one way or another is closely related to our lifestyle and our environment. An environment that they certainly did not have the opportunity to choose, but they (like many of us) embrace and respect, as a basis of life, or very deep in the heart.  We spoke again about respect and emotions were strong as we arrived at the house. By 7pm, they began to bring me the first sketches, showing me how they were able to shape the ideas that they tried to organize in their writings. Of course, I motivated them and activated the confidence they felt when undertaking this challenge, because as a whim of fate, these specific topics touched each of them very closely, belonging to a military wounded family, as they are the daughters of a veteran wounded in the Iraq war.

A great effort I had to deploy to be able to contain myself. Perhaps without wanting to influence the writing style of my daughters or the sheer fact they made it clear they wanted to be the ones who built this essay, I was happy they still came to me, looking for approval and guidance with some data that by their young age they had no way of knowing. For example, they asked me how many people had died in war... they also asked me which war was the one that I participated in.

A great surprise for me, as they were arriving, as the writings were surfacing, in the same way, my pride arose. I was impressed by how clear my daughter's had established the concept and respect about what can inspire the figure of a veteran of the United States.  Also extremely impressive, was the high level of patriotism that our children can carry, so deep in their being and at such a young age. They presented me with inspiring paragraphs like this one; “This family shows me how much people care for our veterans who risk their lives for us to be here, they risked their lives for us to be in a safe community, and they risked their lives for better people. Veterans to me mean that they care for anything and everything, even for little things, those little things make them happy inside. When I think of a veteran, I think of my dad, and I think of all the things he did for our country” -Lorelei Gonzalez, 5th grade 

"Also, as deep and as personal as this; I’ve met family’s that had an injured family member who fought in the war. You can ask them if it is easy to forget what happened, but really the fight never stops which is what most people think, after the war they put down their guns and all is fine, but it’s not like that. The war still goes on inside. They suffer with medical conditions and dreams of torturing nights they faced while fighting. It’s not easy with a scary image in your head of an event that’s unforgettable.” Leilany Gonzalez, 7th Grade 

This is what Leila wrote in one paragraph; "My dad is who I mostly honor this flag for…  My father fought in the war of Operation Iraqi Freedom.  My father could have died due to his severe injuries.  Brain injury, bullet wound, and fully blind in his right eye and barely any vision left in his left.  The worst injury is how he never forgets what happened that day he almost lost his life… I was not born before that, yet I still live with the task to take care of my father and be cautious.  I’m proud to say my dad fought for this country." -Leila Gonzalez, 7th grade 

As you can read in these paragraphs, I do not think that my pride is for any exaggerated or excessive reason. It should be a great motivation incentive for any father, especially for a father in the situation in which I find myself, to recriminate about the participation and involvement that I have in the lives of my daughters. I would like to have much more involvement than what I believe I am currently having …. as you know we military are very self-critical.

But this is exactly why I have been motivated to write this story. To motivate other parents in my situation or in a situation like mine, to trust in the programming and in the values that you are inculcating in your children, despite your deep military wounds acquired in the war, our children and our families understand more and understand more than we can imagine. 

In this case, my daughters have given me a lesson in life, one of the many I would like to rectify, that fills me with confidence that in the future they will also be respectable citizens of this great nation, just let them be.

First One Up, Last One to Bed

There are numerous types of people in this world. There are the courageous, there are intellectuals, and there are peacemakers. Few of us embody ALL of these qualities, and we call ourselves caregivers.

Hello! My name is Rebecca Watts. I grew up a military brat, blessed with the opportunity to explore the world while my parents served our great nation. My stepfather did two tours to Iraq. During his deployment, he was blown up 16 times, shot, and pronounced dead on the battlefield. His last IED was in April of 2006 where he was medevacked to Germany for a broken back.  He has permanent hardware in his back, neck, face, right shoulder, PTSD, TBI, and spinal cord damage. My mother deployed to Afghanistan where her truck got hit by an IED in August 2006. She sustained a back injury, PTSD, and TBI. I was their caregiver for 5 years before I married my husband, Justin.

My husband served in the military for almost 10 years. It was his lifelong dream to serve our country. He joined in 2007 (split ops) in between our junior and senior year of high school, he completed basic training during summer break and returned back to complete his senior year of high school. He deployed to Afghanistan twice. During his second deployment in 2012, he was injured by a VBID while on a mission. He has had three reconstructive surgeries, TBI, and PTSD. We have four beautiful children! Scott 6yrs old, Brianna 2 years old and 1year old twins Jason and Raelynn.

Throughout my life’s journey, I have always been the glue that holds the pieces together for my loved ones. I know that I was given a special heart to be able to see the best in everyone. It takes clarity when everything is chaotic, an ear that hears what is not being said out loud, but most importantly determination to persevere and thrive. As crazy as my life has been, I would do it a million times over because it is my calling to give care to the ones that I love. Being a caregiver means you are the first one up, the last one to bed, and a heart that is filled with love.

I'll Never Quit. My Alive Day Story, By: Donny Daughenbaugh

Ok, when I was wounded I knew there would be problems later in life. What I didn't know is that after 14 years, the number of problems that would come from JUST the bullet staying in my head. This sucks. 

 

There are days where it feels like someone is sitting on my shoulders using a small blow torch on part of my neck. It feels like I'm being burnt down to the bone in my neck. Other days it feels like my head is being pulled or scrunched sometimes at different times, sometime at the same time. The arthritis and nerve pain have certainly taken a toll on my quality of life and some days are harder than others. Do you see the picture I'm painting. It's a little sadder, maybe a little darker than some of my previous Alive Day posts. This one however, may be the most honest and unfiltered. 

 

Chronic pain really does wear you down. It makes you different and a lot of time when you're dealing with chronic pain, it feels like your wearing a mask. A mask that says "I'm ok" or "it's not that bad" and the only purpose of the feeling of wearing a mask is so I don't have to seem like I'm complaining if I give a more honest answer. 

 

I've made it this far with only using Ibuprofen, Tylenol, chiropractic care and the left overs from a 2017 bottle of pain medication from surgery. The bottle of pain pills started with 30 in April of 2017. Today, there are about 5 left. Not bad if you ask me and what I've discovered is that you can increase your personal pain threshold with comfort being a primary tradeoff. I'm also looking into a variety of CBD oils that can help to greatly (and naturally) reduce inflammation, reduce pain and yes- even improve my mood. 

 

After all these years with this "condition" do you wanna know what you still don't hear me say, and won't EVER? 

 

I quit. I'm done. I want this to end or the pain is too great. You'll never hear those words come out of my mouth, ever. 

 

My life has become so much more than just me in it. My wife Sarah is the reason that, even after a horrible night of sleep, I still look forward to waking up. To wake up and see the woman that has stood by my side since 2003, even before my injury. She has seen the highs and lows and has been my inspiration to be the man my kids deserve, not just who they have. She's my wife, my partner in this life, the mother of my children and my best friend. I'd be lost without her and I make it a point to tell her that often. 

 

My (3) kids are also the best part of my day. Hell, they're the best part of me. I see my oldest daughter whose a genius, basketball player, swimmer, diver and water polo player with the biggest heart and prettiest smile you'll ever see and I'm just blown away that I had a part in her creation. My 10 year old son is "my dude" and when we play video games together or go fishing, he reminds me how special the bond is between a father and a son. My beautiful little 1 year old has more personality than Sarah and I put together and she just lights up a room when she smiles. Her growing, getting in to stuff, sharing hugs and sloppy kisses are worth every day of pain that I live with. 

 

I'm here for the long run and for these reasons and so much more, I'll never quit. I'll have a prosthetic head or neck loooooong before I ever give up on this life. My injury has been quite vexing, especially as of late but, it has led me to the most amazing life with the most amazing team of veterans, caregivers and colleagues I could ever hope for. The Coalition has become an intricate part of so many lives because of this bullet in my head. I guess it can't be that bad right? 

 

Just wait till next year......huge party for the 15th Alive Day for this guy!

Monday

Monday was a busy, busy day. I had to go to the gym, grocery shop, put the groceries away and get some laundry done ALL before my kids got home. Then, when my kids got home, I Had to help with some homework and cook dinner, all before my nail appointment. Keeping my nails done is the one thing I do for myself, when I can squeeze it into the budget.

I work 3 jobs. My first and most important jobs is Mom, Wife, and Caregiver to a wounded Veteran. Then I work one out of the home in the evenings Tuesday through Saturday, and the other I work at home around my schedule as long as I meet my hours.

 Why not just work not one full time job you ask? As the wife of a wounded veteran life can sometimes be a roller-coaster. With two jobs, my evening out of the home job and my position with the Heroes Thanking Heroes program, allows me the flexibility to care for my husband if he needs me, and be a full time mother to my 4 boys.

This work from home opportunity provided by the Coalition to Salute America's Heroes, Heroes Thanking Heroes program has given me the freedom to help bring extra income into our home of four very hungry little boys, and to be able to have appointments and run errands during the day, and not have to "take leave" or worry about other coworkers taking up for me and my missed work, because my work is always there waiting for me.

So back to Monday. On Monday I had two meetings, since we all work from home all meetings are done over the phone via conference line. My first meeting was for the Social Media team, my role on that team is posting my coworkers and teammates stories to share with you, our readers. That meeting was at 10AM EST, all of us who work for the Heroes Thanking Heroes program work from all over the country, so for me at 10AM I am at the gym. I wake up, get my kids to school, come home and eat breakfast with my youngest who is 2, and we go to the gym. This program allows me to call in to our conference line and join my team on the call, all while continuing my daily routine.

The next meeting was at 1pm, I had grocery shopping to do, weekends stay busy for my family, I work 8 ours all day Saturday, and Sunday we either spend the day at my in-laws or I have a lot of laundry to do. So Monday, I typically don't do much else other that grocery shop and wash more laundry for 6 people. With the flexibility of this position in the Heroes Thanking Heroes program, I was also able to attend this meeting while I was grocery shopping, on my way home, and I was still listening in while putting my groceries away.

This program is one of the biggest blessings that's ever come into my life, first it was to help pay medical bills, and to be able to take care of my family while at home. Now as my family has grown and appetite needs have changed it now helps with my $1,000/month food bill (That is not an over exageration.), and it helps me feel like I'm contributing to my family financially as well as physically because I can be there for my veteran and my kids at any time during the day that they need me, because those hours will be be there for me to work the next day.