The Summer Adventures of C & J - Part 4 America The Beautiful

Oh, beautiful for spacious skies for amber waves of grain. For purple mountains majesty above the fruited plains. America! America! God shed His grace on thee…

 ~ Music & Lyrics by: K. Bates, B. Sainte-Marie, S. Ward ~ 

A recap of our adventures this summer: We were evacuated from Mt. Shasta, California, due to fires, saw one of my veteran's ex flings, kayaked, and lived through a near-death experience on the Rogue River, enjoyed time with old friends, hung out on the beach in Astoria Oregon, visited my fellow Goonies, and watched Curtis chainsaw a Ford truck stuck on a log.

After spending a wonderful weekend visiting our favorite elementary and boarding school teachers, my veteran Curtis and I readied the RV to leave Spokane, Washington. A mutual friend from boarding school had just moved to Spokane, and we were able to spend a wonderful evening catching up. Sandy* was in absolute agreement that Curtis was a player back then and that she did not blame me for giving him a wide berth until he grew up. She told me a story of how he had found out that her aunt was one of the faculty living on the hill during the first week of school. He said, "Hey Sandy since you are doing laundry at your aunt's house could you do mine?" Sandy said she was so shocked by his boldness that she said yes and did his laundry. After the first time, she got wise and told him to do his own laundry. We all had a good laugh as Curtis reminded us, 'Don't hate the player, hate the game.' It was incredibly relaxing to spend time with people from our youth where Curtis was just Curtis and not a combat-wounded vet. It gave him a sense of normalcy that he had been craving.

Instead of going the shortest way home to Missouri through South Dakota, we decided to drop down through Montana and Wyoming to scope out Yellowstone National Park for next summer's adventure. Getting reservations this summer anywhere has been next to impossible. Between FEMA blocking out campgrounds for fire evacuees and restrictions lifting from COVID-19, people were outside in droves. I love seeing families out together, but seriously, stay home so we can get reservations. I am kidding; get out and breathe fresh air America! We arrived at Yellowstone at 0600 to get in line for a first-come campground in Mammoth. This was the first time either Curtis or myself had been to Yellowstone. Although the lyrics of America The Beautiful were based on the author's view of the Colorado Peaks, I think it is even truer of the beauty of Yellowstone and the Grand Tetons in Montana. We stayed three days in Yellowstone and would have loved to have stayed longer.

After leaving the 'purple mountain majesties' of Montana and North West Wyoming, we experienced the 'amber waves of grain' through the prairies of Nebraska, Iowa, and Missouri. The night before returning home, we stayed at a mom-and-pop campground outside of Aurora, Nebraska. It was a scene straight out of 'Children of the Corn.' We were in bed, nearly asleep when a haggard-looking woman came knocking on my door. She said she did not know where her breaker was in her RV. I admit to reading way too many murder mysteries, but it seemed sketchy to me and even more so when he was gone nearly an hour. I had all sorts of crazy murder scenarios running through my head when Curtis finally got back to the RV. He told me that she was driving home alone because her husband had passed away in his sleep while attending the HOG rally in Sturgis, SD. It turned out that she and her husband had both served 20+ years in the Army. Her husband had been a decorated Desert Storm combat wounded veteran. All thoughts of being kidnapped or murdered in my sleep disappeared when I thought of the heartache of loss she must be experiencing. None of us know when our time to leave this earth will come, but knowing that is different than accepting it when a loved one is lost.

Curtis and I have been blessed to have lived, traveled, and seen 'the fruited plains and alabaster cities gleam.' Every part of America has a story to tell and a beauty of its own. I would never be able to go on these adventures with my veteran if I had to work in an office. The Heroes Thanking Heroes (HTH) program has allowed me to work from home, RV, or even in the truck while traveling between destinations. Curtis's mental and physical health has improved with the freedom to travel and make new happy memories. This would not be possible without the generosity of donors, foundations, and organizations from 'sea to shining sea,' and we give our heartfelt thanks. The Coalition's HTH program saves lives in supporting America's wounded military heroes and their caregivers. 

Oh, beautiful for heroes proved in liberating strife, Who more than self their country loved and mercy more than life. America! America! God shed His grace on thee. And crown thy good with brotherhood from sea to shining sea ~ America The Beautiful

Written by: Justina Lyn, Veteran Caregiver

The Summer Adventures of C & J - Part 3 Goonies, Beaches and Fords

If I found one-eyed Willy's rich stuff, I'd pay all my Dads bills, so maybe, he could get to sleep at night ~ Mikey from The Goonies

On a recap of our adventures, we were evacuated from Mt. Shasta, California, encountered one of my veteran's ex flings, kayaked, and lived through a near-death experience on the Rogue River (that's another story), and enjoyed time with old friends.

Having spent two weeks on the Rogue River, we decided that it was time to head to the beach. The west coast was experiencing the hottest summer in decades. The Bootleg fire to the east of us in Oregon had consumed over 200,000 acres. The smoke from that fire and the fires in Northern California were making breathing difficult. My veteran Curtis and I had both wanted to visit Astoria, Oregon, for different reasons. He wanted to go because his favorite elementary school teacher had taken her entire class to Fort Clatsop National Park to visit the Lewis and Clark museum. In my first blog, I mentioned how Curtis was on a mission to recapture the joy and peace of his youth. Revisiting places where he had made happy memories was part of his journey this summer. I wanted to go to Astoria because I am a massive fan of The Goonies, a movie released in 1985. 

On our way to Astoria, a woman got up next to our truck and appeared to flip Curtis off, acting somewhat agitated. We didn't know why she was so angry, but several seconds later, we realized she had been trying to warn us that one of the tires of our RV was smoking. We pulled over to find that the tread had melted off of the tire. We were lucky to get away with only a flat and no other damage to our fifth wheel. It goes to show that the actions of others can often be misunderstood. Who knows what would have happened had the lady not 'flipped' us off. It was a huge relief to arrive at Camp Rilea, an Army National Guard installation outside Astoria. The temperature had dropped to the low 60's, and the air was fresh and clean.

I felt like I was back in 1985 when we toured the beach, jail, and house where The Goonies was filmed. Unless you have seen the movie, it is too hard to explain how funny all of the characters were. Like many young teenage girls in the 80's, I had a huge crush on Cory Feldman, who played a lead role in the movie. Cory never made it to my bedroom wall like Tom Selleck, but he was still a cutie pie making teenage girls sigh with happiness. The Astoria Film Museum had it set up to record yourself in a scene of the movie. I mean, can you get any cooler than that? After purchasing my Goonies hoodie, I was ready to go home to Missouri.

The highlight for Curtis's Astoria experience happened the following day. We had driven our big Chevy dully out on the beach to eat our lunch when we both noticed a Ford truck hung up on a large stump and stuck. The driver was under the front end with a hammer and chisel, trying to get free. Curtis said to me, "figures that a Chevy is going to have to save a Ford." We have learned from previous experiences traveling across the states to carry a chainsaw. Curtis was highly entertained as he ate his lunch, laughing at the guy who had essentially taken a knife to a gunfight. After lunch, Curtis, the nice guy he can be at times, got his chain saw and cut away the stump. I wish I could paint a picture of how comical it looked to see this big burly guy in hiking boots carrying a chainsaw walking on the beach towards an unsuspecting man under a truck. It was a scene straight out of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre movies. All that was missing was the hockey mask.

I did not think anything could top getting to visit the town where my favorite movie was filmed, and even Curtis agreed it was time to start making our way back east to Missouri. After a three-day stop in Spokane, Washington, where we visited with our favorite elementary and high school teachers, we were off to Yellowstone.

Written by Justina Lyn, Veteran Caregiver

The Summer Adventures of C & J - Part 2 Sun, Potlucks, and Love

In order to write about life, first you must live it ~Ernest Hemingway

For those who may not have read Part 1, my veteran Curtis and I had just been evacuated from the McFarland fire in Northern California. We were not ready to head home to Missouri and decided to continue our adventures north to Medford, Oregon.

An unfortunate circumstance of marrying someone who served in the military is the chance of running into one of their ex conquests. Although he is reluctant to admit it, there is no denying that women love a man in uniform, and he was well-loved. As Curtis often says, "Don't hate the player; hate the game." Another downside of knowing someone for as long as I have him is that I grew up with quite a few of his exes. That said, I found myself heading to Oregon to visit a mutual guy friend from high school. Our friend "Tom" ended up marrying an ex fling of Curtis. We had all attended high school together and although I was excited to visit our mutual friend, I wasn't fond of the negative emotions that were encompassing at the thought of seeing Curtis' ex, "Mary" again.

You are probably wondering by now what this has to do with the military and why I am writing about ex-girlfriends in a Heroes Thanking Heroes blog. Well, dear reader, it is like this. According to reports released by VA.gov, divorce among military couples is more than 80%, with divorce rates of wounded veterans being higher. Our wounded veterans have experienced extreme trauma, often coupled with a traumatic brain injury. I never served in the military, but I have experience with complex PTSD and a traumatic brain injury (TBI). Irrational jealousy, fear, distrust, and paranoia are symptoms of persons with PTSD and a TBI. Not being able to separate truth from fiction may contribute to the higher divorce rate among marriages of wounded veterans. I have many caregiver friends who report being falsely accused of all sorts of things that are not real. It is challenging to remain patient with someone who has been triggered by an event and is acting irrationally.

I grew up on a religious hippie commune where my father had lots of 'girlfriends.' This was not a lifestyle my mother approved of, and I saw her confidence wilt a little more with every woman my father paraded around. At one point, my mother ended up in a hospital for six weeks due to an emotional and physical breakdown. Even at a young age, I was able to associate the free-love hippie lifestyle with my mother's hospital stay. I cannot explain it, but while I have no issue with ex-wives, being around ex-girlfriends triggers unwarranted insecurities.

I will not bore you with how hard it was to get past the mental block of Curtis's brief fling 35 years in the past. What is important is that I was able to work through a lot of trauma from my childhood with the love and assurance of my veteran and best friend. My job as his full-time caregiver means that I am tasked with gently coaching him down off of the cliff of untruths. I am the one he leans on when he wakes up from nightmares and holds his hand as he fights to remain in the present instead of being sucked under from the past. He could have yelled at me, told me I was crazy and irrational. Instead, he held my hand and talked me off of the cliff of the lies my brain was telling me. There were times when it took all of my willpower not to pack a bag and catch the next flight home to Springfield. I wanted to run away, and that is a feeling that Curtis struggles with nearly daily from his battle with PTSD.

Many of us military caregivers successfully care for others because we have experienced some sort of trauma. We are empathetic because we have had to fight our demons and understand the fear of knowing something is not real but believing it to be real. Curtis and I spent two weeks on the Rogue River near Medford, Oregon. It was a beautiful campground where the back deck of our toy hauler sat out over the water. We enjoyed our morning coffee in peace and spent several days out on the river with our kayaks. Curtis and Tom went white water rafting every chance they got. We had Tom and Mary over for dinner a few times with other friends. I will never be friends with Mary, but that has less to do with her previous connection to Curtis and more with not having any shared interests. We plan to go back to the Rogue River next year but have invited classmates with whom we are both friends. We left the Medford area rested, emotionally closer, and ready for the next adventure as we headed to the coast of Astoria, Oregon.

***Names have been changed to protect the identity