Are You Full?

It doesn’t matter if you have spent seemingly your entire life caring for others, chose to step into the role, or it was thrust upon you because chaos changed the whole trajectory of life; the truth is your entire being seems to radiate that you are a caregiver. You are a magnet for needs to fill. 

“Whatever you are doing, love yourself for doing it. Whatever you are feeling, love yourself for feeling it.” – Thaddeus Golas

Burnout becomes a familiar place, the word, ”no” tends to be the most difficult word you have ever said, and “I can’t” is only something you scream at yourself in your mind, because to the world you say, “I got this!”

This does not mean that you do not enjoy loving those around you through acts of service... But it does mean that you need to be extra focused on being sure that you are purposely filling yourself up too. 

“If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.” – Jack Kornfield

The intelligent, creative, high-spirited being inside of you is hungering for your attention.

It seems as though wave after wave of situations has caused you to keep silencing any whisper of "focus on yourself." Everything has become a check box on an infinitely evolving and priority exchanging to-do list. Who has the time or energy to pivot onto something personally fulfilling?

“The most powerful relationship you will ever have is the relationship with yourself.” – Steve Maraboli

Multitasking becomes the only possible way to function. You learn to utilize every moment of every day. You spend every waking moment trying to ensure that everyone around you is full of health, entertainment, education, etc. On many days you juggle so many things you become exhausted and can’t see the progress made that was worth the energy spent. 

“Self-care is not a waste of time. Self-care makes your use of time more sustainable.” – Jackie Viramontez

Challenge: Find joy in the journey, and feed that hunger.

Is there anywhere in your list of tasks where you can find joy? Driving to appointments? Look for something to appreciate in the scenery or steal a lunch date with your veteran on the way home. Doing the dishes? Turn up the music and have a solo dance/karaoke party. Taking the kids to another school event? Play a quick game of I spy and stop for a slushy or ice cream. Last minute science project? Share with your little one about (all the times) when you forgot to tell your mom about your project until the night before. Grocery shopping? Find an audible book or call and check in on that person you’ve been meaning to for a while now. Cooking? Pull out that recipe you’ve been curious to try but told yourself it’ll wait until you have more time, and cook it. Fill yourself up so much so, that your overflow is what fills everyone around you!

“Sometimes the most important thing in a whole day is the rest we take between two deep breaths.” – Etty Hillesum

Written by an Anonymous Veteran Caregiver

Treat Your Relationship Like a Garden

I grew up loving plants, probably because my father always made it a goal to have our yard look like a garden at Disneyland. My brother and I would constantly be helping my father with weekend projects like building a koi pond or digging big holes for palm trees being delivered.

As I got older I found that I took pride in the appearance of my home just like my father. The knowledge my father taught me as a kid about plants and his creative projects has sparked a passion in both my husband and me!

Chris was never really into gardening until I came along with gardening projects! Quickly he realized that gardening was a hidden talent of his. We enjoy shopping for plants at local nurseries and stores. I love that we both like to shop for plants which is a great little day date, and usually includes lunch. Then the following day we plant them together. Everything from finding beautiful pots and garden décor to watching our plants get bigger and flowering is rewarding.

It’s great when you and your significant other share a hobby you both enjoy. Gardening has been known to help improve moods. Researchers have found that tending to plants can reap mental health benefits. Focusing your attention on the immediate task and details of gardening can reduce negative thoughts and feelings and can make you feel better in the moment.

A great start to finding out if gardening is something you and your veteran may enjoy would be to create a butterfly garden. These are very simple plants to care for and from our experience attract a ton of butterflies year-round (we are in Florida.)

All you need is a large pot, soil, Milk Weed (this is the only food source for monarch butterflies), and Lantana (I get in all colors; pink, purple, yellow, etc). All of these plants can be found at just about any nursery or Home Depot/ Lowes. They somewhat die off in the winter, but I cut them back and by spring they are in full swing again attracting butterflies! They take very little maintenance and are difficult to kill (if you don’t have a green thumb).

Gardening has been a great hobby for us and I hope this may encourage you to play in the dirt w your spouse! Who knows your relationship may blossom like the plants you plant together!

Written By: Savanna Burrell

Veteran Caregiver