The second layer is from my youth while enjoying the Fourth of July with my family. It was always my favorite holiday because there was little preparation and mostly the point was that we got to make a lot of noise, stay up late, enjoy good food and my favorite: the fireworks! As a child you don’t truly understand the symbolism of fireworks on such a holiday, you simply enjoy their wonder and beauty.
The third layer is my wedding anniversary. You see the Fourth of July has always been my favorite holiday even when I was very young. As a very young child I was upset with my mother that my birthday was not on the Fourth of July and that she would not fix this problem. I explained to her how much I wanted to have my birthday celebration align with city wide fireworks and fun. It seemed to me a simple request at the age of four and I was quite upset with her when she explained there wasn’t anything that she could do to help me with my predicament.
In an effort to soothe my wrath she offered a solution. She suggested while there was nothing to be done about my birthday, I could get married on the Fourth of July. Not truly understanding what that meant I instantly accepted and whole heartedly committed to the plan. While my understanding and capabilities of logic improved with age, my emotional dedication to the notion never wavered.
So, when the Lance Corporal from the United States Marine Corps with whom I had fallen in love asked me when we should get married it took mere seconds to secure the date. We got married during the sunrise on one of the most beautiful beaches in the world (which is a fact, it makes the top 5 in the official list every year) and that night enjoyed the beautiful fireworks that the city had to offer.
I love having my wedding anniversary on the Fourth of July! Even though the whole country stops to enjoy fireworks, it is so easy for it to feel like it is just for me and my husband. I never have to worry about him having the day off work and while at the time we did not fully understand the memory loss he would be living with from among his war injuries, it is a very helpful memory aide for him.
The fourth layer is what a struggle the Fourth of July celebration can be for my husband and then consequently for our family. There have been several years of hard work into being able to fully enjoy the celebration of both our country’s independence and the beginning of our family. Some years have been better than others. One year was spent inside, watching in a peaceful, quiet, secure room via internet feed. We still had each other, and it was still very lovely. Other years have been just too much and too close and while myself and the rest of our family were enjoying the firework display and loud music and soaking in the ambiance of a vibrant and big celebration, my husband was quietly suffering trying to hold on long enough for those he cared about to enjoy, what for him was torture.
The torture of the memories flooding him and using everything he has in order to hold back where these memories can take him. A huge help in that battle is his service dog. This sweet pup can easily comfort my husband, as he also strongly feels this celebration is just a little too loud. They both draw strength in being able to comfort each other. One year we all sat on a blanket during the display, the service dog in my husband’s lap and all of us surrounding my husband in one giant family cuddle. We all watched the fireworks; my husband enjoyed the moment with his eyes closed. Over the years with patience, trial and error we have worked hard to come to a more balanced approach to the holiday. So that we are neither hiding from it nor drowning in it. I’m happy to say it gets better every year and this year was one of the best! We found a distant but clear spot to enjoy the city fireworks with the whole family where things were mostly quiet and extremely beautiful. Upon reflection of this year’s celebration many family members had new ideas for making things even better next year and we eagerly await trying them out!
I hope your family enjoyed the Fourth of July as much as we did!
-Family of USMC Combat Veteran of Iraq and Afghanistan
