Please Time slow Down

So, the day finally came and went... My son left for boot camp on Monday. (Well, actually, we dropped him off at his recruiter's office to leave.) We took him out for a final lunch, hugged him, said our “see you soon,” and then pulled away. You would think I would be good at this. I’ve done it so many times sending my husband off to war. There is something very different when it is your child, even though I know he is in a safe place... it’s just SO different.

I think I probably have a bit of PTSD myself and saying goodbye is a trigger for me. The last time I said goodbye to my husband I never saw “him” again or at least the same him. I heard from my son on Tuesday night for a short 25-second call. When that call ended... I cried. Hearing the yelling in the background did me in, and sent memories spiraling through me of how scared I was for my first day in boot camp. My heart breaks thinking that he may be feeling the same way.  I wanted nothing more than to call him yesterday and see how his day was. He told me he would be able to call again in 3 weeks and that he will write soon.

Now, I wait! The same way I waited when my husband was deployed. I sleep holding my phone so I know I will wake up if it rings. I check the mailbox every day in anticipation waiting for a letter. I keep track of the days on the calendar, counting down the days until he is done.

For the most part, not much has changed at home except for my oldest daughter who is 9. Her big brother is her best friend so she has been having some rough days. I got her a special notebook to start writing letters and a calendar to mark off the days. So here we are at the start of a long 9 weeks although I have done this before, for much longer times even. I am so proud of my son for making this choice, especially after he has seen what happened with his dad. I know my husband is very proud too. On the flip side though, I feel 20 years older knowing I am old enough to have a son in the military...please time slow down!

Keep Pushing Forward

Geez!  Today was another day off of school for my kids. That makes two this week!  Today was an institute day, also known as parent punishment for us parents that go at it alone.  I had to bring my 3 youngest daughters with me to 2 doctors appointments AND a trip to the dog groomer. Afterwards, it was finally time for a little fun (for them)! 

This has been a crazy week for my family- On Tuesday, my son got into a car accident on the way to school. Then, on the way to the VA, my husband's car broke down twice.  Quite the week on top of trying to get ready for my son's send-off party on Sunday because he leaves in just 3 days!  So, needless to say, I am a ball of nerves and on the edge, which does not help the situation at home! 

Do you ever feel like there are a million things to get done and you are the only one doing anything?  Yeah, that’s me.  As heartbroken as I am to say goodbye to my son, I will be grateful to be able to sit back and relax... that is until I have to chauffeur my daughters to cheer that afternoon.  I'm realizing that I always need to focus on the good. Even though part of my heart is leaving, there are still four more Little’s at home to help pick up the broken pieces.

An Emotional Week

This has been a week full of a lot of tension.  Our oldest son leaves for boot camp in just 10 days!  I’m sure you can imagine the emotion that is being felt by everyone in the house.  I’m very proud of my son for his desire to serve our country, but as a mother, I am also very worried.  Both my husband and I enlisted when our country was in a time of peace. That changed within 7 months.
Will the same thing happen to my son? Ok, let's be honest..this is my baby.  My husband is also feeling on edge and I am sure he thinks about how war has changed his life, what he has lost, and how things will forever be different. No parent wants that for their child.  My other son is feeling a huge loss- his only brother is leaving- his best friend and the one guy he has to help him through life.  Then there are my three daughters who have never experienced having to say goodbye so they don’t quite understand what is happening.  I fear that on Monday the 22nd, I will be saying goodbye to my son not knowing who I will get when he returns home. 
Stress is never good for a wounded warrior family. My husband does not do well during these times.  There is more arguing, more withdrawing, more of the bad guy coming out.  My kids then suffer. I try to do everything in my power to give them reasons to smile but they feel the tension.  It’s really hard having to suck up everything I’m feeling to take care of everyone else.  This is one of the reasons I love working in The Heroes Thanking Heroes Program. It allows me time every day to “escape” to my own world.  So until the 22nd, I will just plan my son's going away party while trying to hold together the world for the rest of my family.

Holiday Reflections

Holidays in our house look a lot different then they used too but I am thankful for the 'different'. What do I mean by that? Let me explain...

My friend Mary wishes she knew my 'different'...you see, her only son Nick was killed in Iraq. I met her during my husband's second deployment to Iraq. They were in the same Marine battalion.

My friend Travis’ two children wish they knew my 'different'... Their dad was also killed in Iraq. We worked together as Navy corpsman before he was deployed to Iraq.

My friend, Amanda, wishes she knew my 'different'... Her boyfriend Dan went missing in 2014 and after about 100 agonizing days he was found out in the freezing cold shot in the head. He had killed himself. He was a U.S. Army veteran.

I’ll take my different any day. I love my husband. Sure, he is more withdrawn than he used to be. It’s really easy for him to forget that myself and our kids have feelings too, that for them Christmas morning is about seeing that Santa came and then tearing into their gifts. It’s not about him sleeping a bit longer because he didn’t sleep the night before. It’s not about being quiet because he’s got a headache and it’s not having to worry about Dad drinking too much at family parties because people want to talk to him. I’ll take my different any day because I was able to see the smile on my kids face as they gave their dad the gift they made for him. My different is worth it because I heard the words, "Today was a good day" come out of my husband's mouth at the end of the day. My different is worth it because of no matter the words that come out of his mouth I know he loves us and fights battles every day to stay with us. My different holidays will always be worth it because he is here to share them and for that, I will always be thankful.