Life goes on...

Being the wife of an injured veteran I know first hand the battle is not over just because he is no longer on the field.  I don’t feel capable to speak for any veteran on what he or she has been through, but what I do know, is they all leave a piece of themselves behind, and bring some of the war home with them.

As far as my family goes we try our very best to manage and overcome anything that is thrown our way.  We are grateful for every opportunity we are given and try and see the best in every situation.  Now, I am not saying we haven’t had, or still don’t have our tough times, but this is how we have been able to move forward in our lives.

There is a certain type of person that joins the military and a specific type of individual to stay by their side.  I am not trying to toot my own horn, that’s just how it is.  The veterans, wives and children that we have met through our journey are absolutely unique and amazing. Personally, I find inspiration in the strength and courage I have seen displayed by both the veterans and other wives and caregivers I have met.  There are veterans that have been motivation for my husband to keep pushing forward.  Physically some of them have lost more than he has, but their mental toughness has inspired him to allow no excuses. 

Everybody has good days, and bad alike.  However, on my bad days I look to my peer caregivers and admire them more then they know.  On my good days, I strive to be the best I can.  I never know who is watching and just that little smile, or genuine “ hope you are having a good day,” may be just what they needed; sometimes that’s all I needed to remind me 

Spring cleaning

Spring Break - The Cadena's try down sizing. 

This week is Spring break and the weather is beautiful.  We are trying to “declutter” our house but I’ve been trying to find any excuse I can to be outside and find something that needs to be done out there.  It’s crazy because half of the country is having a blizzard right now, and that seems like a different world to me. Robbie and I both grew up in Ohio where there were four seasons. Helping my dad rake the leaves into huge piles and jump in them, sledding until my fingers and toes were in pain from being cold, and what seemed like forever in the summer for the pools to be opened were some of my fondest memories as a child.  Snow days were the best! Waking up just to find out I could go snuggle back in my warm bed was such an awesome feeling.  As I got older I couldn’t wait to move to the warm weather, I wanted the beach and flip-flops.  Now that I have lived away for more than six years I have began to miss the snow and my winter boots!  When we go home for Christmas I pray that it snows so that I can take my daughter sledding. 

            Normally when we get a break we try and take a trip to the beach because it is only two hours from where we live.  But this year we decided to try and tackle some things with our house.  I knew we had a lot of stuff, considering we welcomed our first baby together here, and I almost had a nervous break down when I sold some of her stuff for the first time in a garage sale.  However, I’ve only ever had to move myself, and then Robbie and myself into and out of apartments.  We didn’t have much stuff before when we were moving.  I’m wondering if I am putting off going through all of our stuff by using beautiful weather to be outside.  There are those sayings that “It’s not going anywhere,” “ It’ll be waiting for you there later,” but that’s my problem.  I need it to go somewhere, and we are trying to downsize, but how do I decide what makes the cut?

Wife, Mother, Caregiver...

This week Joanie shares her thoughts on being a caregiver, a wife and a mother.

     I am sure any mother knows exactly what I mean when I say sometimes I feel like I am swimming upstream and needing 48 hours in a day.  As I am folding laundry, my 3.5 year old is upstairs ripping her drawers apart.  I only have one child and she alone can make the house look like a tornado ripped through.  I am my daughters mother first and friend second.  That’s easy enough right?

Why can’t it be that natural when it comes to being a wife and a caregiver?  When do I shut it off? How do I shut it off?  At what point am I being a caregiver or being overbearing and compulsive? Am I running myself ragged because there is so much to do, or am I putting some of it on myself?

With children I feel like there is a defined line between parenting and friendship.  Although there are paid caregivers and there are some that take care of their elderly parents, I know first hand being a caregiver to your spouse is treading in murky waters.  

I haven’t totally gotten it figured out yet.  I used to get so frustrated because I felt like I was doing everything.  But for the first part of our marriage, when we first started living together, I was doing everything.  I had to.  My husband was in and out of the hospital, in a wheel chair, and could barely sit up, let alone walk alone.  As he slowly got better, I would get upset like why doesn’t he want to help?  First of all, who wants to do chores? I understood that, but I was like I would have more time to do other stuff if he would help.  But then I noticed, that I would ask him to do stuff, and if he didn’t do it in my time frame I would just do it so that it was done.  With my daughter I have the authority to guide her when she wants to do things on her timeline, and not mine.  What should I do, ground my husband from the television? Hahaha, that sounds kind of funny.

After spending a few years just doing everything because I had to, and trying to become so scheduled in my routine, I figured there were things that I had to begin to just let go.  It’s like I couldn’t, and still sometimes have a hard time not being in the forefront of every little detail of our lives.  I was getting upset at my husband because I wanted his help, but I was not allowing him to help.  Sometimes, I just have to sit back and allow the situation play out, instead of trying to matriculate everything.  I still can’t figure out though, where is the line between wife and caregiver?

Robbie and Joanie

Join us as we follow the post injury life of Robbie and Joanie and the their own remarkable Road to Recovery, in Joanie's own words. 

            On October 1^st 2010 my husband was actually killed and brought back to life in Afghanistan.  Call the wording overly dramatic, traumatic or intense, but that’s exactly what it was.  He died in Germany where they waited to find out if he was stable enough to make the trip back to the U.S., and coded again when they moved him to a step down Intensive Care Unit 3 weeks later at Walter Reed.  Every day was a new battle to keep him alive. 

That was the day our world began to be turned upside down, ripped inside- out, chewed up, spit out, and then stepped on for the next 2 years. We actually weren’t married at the time he was hurt, we got married in December, got a puppy, and eventually our own apartment away from the hospital.   We were put in base housing within walking distance of the hospital when he was released because we did not have a car with us.  He came back to The States with his hospital gown- his military and dog tags arrived about 2 weeks later.  I packed a suitcase, waited for 2 days (until I got word where they were sending me), and that’s what I lived off of for the next 3 months, until a family member drove my car from Ohio to Texas for us.  The point is, there were happy moments but we had almost gone back to basic survival instincts; we were grateful that he was alive, to have each other and that most of him was at least functioning. 

However, we still found ourselves struggling.  Almost like we were trying to swim upstream with weights on.  Robbie had started school and I was searching for a job.  We were blessed and I got pregnant, which we were told couldn’t happen. However, nobody wanted to hire someone that was pregnant and hadn’t worked in almost 3 years.  We were having trouble paying bills and my car kept dying and nobody could figure out what was wrong with it.  That’s when the Coalition stepped in and found us a dealership willing to work on our car, no matter the cost. When this dealership was unable to determine what was wrong with the car, they offered us a trade in. With help from the Coalition to Salute America’s Heroes and our local River Rats we were able to get a suitable car to take our new born to her appointments while Robbie was at school.  Also, I was offered a position in the Coalitions “Heroes Thanking Heroes Program.”  It allowed me to work from home, make my own hours, take care of my husband and daughter in such a stress free manner.  It gave me a sense of self worth because it allowed me to contribute monetary value toward our household.  I was able to start to dig us out of the hole we were in and not feel like I was sitting with my hand out. I was working toward our future instead of asking everyone else to figure it out for us. 

Today we are a whole different family. Robbie is going to be starting a Physician Assistant Program. I am in school, working for the HTH program, on the fundraising committee and we volunteer together at our church. As of right now we don’t know exactly what our future holds but we are excited to keep moving forward and use what we have been through to motivate us and to pay it forward.