Brothers From Another Mother

 

"There is a destiny which makes us brothers; none goes his way alone. All that we send into the lives of others comes back into our own." -Edwin Markham

It was November 2005 when Sgts Feldman and Crawford would become more than just brothers in arms, but blood brothers for life. The first sniper round hit Sgt. Crawford. Running to his aid, round number two hit Sgt. Feldman. There is more than a fifteen-year age difference between the two men, but age doesn't factor into surviving when many others did not.

No one can understand you quite like the person who has pounded the same ground wearing the same boots. Out of a team of thirty-two, less than ten made it home. The few that survived made a pact to be there for one another through thick and thin. Although they made it back to the states, another battle was waiting to be fought. There was and still is an ever-present darkness that often overshadows the gratefulness of making it home. Memories of battles- a constant torment, playing over and over again at night while sleeping. Who can truly understand except for your brothers and sisters who fought beside you?

Several years ago, our family (the Crawfords) started the tradition of camping with the Feldman clan in Missouri. Every year the Feldmans would tell us how much they wanted us to move closer to them. Honestly, I thought that they were just being sweet. I hadn't fully grasped how much our combat veterans need each other. During the last three camping trips to Missouri, I noticed how much happier my veteran was around his battle buddy. He laughed and joked more, slept better, and was overall more at peace with those around him. I found that I was more relaxed as well. I could let my guard down. I wasn't worried about him saying something that would undoubtedly tick someone off. I hadn't realized how uptight and isolated I had become because of my veteran's struggle with PTSD and other health issues. My world had gone from having many friends to very few. My own children had pulled away from me, and I felt I couldn't tell anyone the reality of what my life had become. The Feldman clan understood. Sgt. Feldman's father and uncle had both served during Vietnam. The uncle was infantry and had seen his own share of battles. This was a family that didn't care about what came out of the mouth because they were living it as well.

Last year we decided to move to Missouri in order to live closer to the Feldmans. My mom and sister live in Oklahoma City, putting me the closest to family than I have been in twenty-six years. I miss my daughters, who still live in Maryland, something fierce. Every time I visit them, it is absolute agony to leave. Even so, I know that moving to Missouri was the best decision to make. My veteran has gone from having no social life to having friends and a support group. He isn't nearly as surly and sour, but actually laughs most days. I have it on good authority that his battle buddy is happier as well. They go hunting and spend time shooting the breeze at the local AmVets, where they are both members.

Time does not heal all wounds, but they can be made more bearable with the support of good friends and understanding family members. Having a battle buddy to talk to can be life-saving. No matter the time of day or night, your brothers and sisters in arms are there to understand and talk you through. For Crawford and Feldman, they are forever tied by the bullets of an Iraqi sniper. Nothing could or ever will sever the bond created that day on the battlefield.

By Justina Lyn, HTH Representative & Veteran Caregiver

Opportunity

“We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year’s Day” -Edith Lovejoy Pierce

Towards the end of 2020, there was a lot of hope that 2021 would bring a renewal of spirit, the end of Covid, and a path leading back to a normal way of life. For those who have spent countless months isolated from their family and friends, the toll on their mental and physical health has been staggering. Reports of unprecedented weight gain, depression, failure to thrive, the loss of a friend or family member to Covid, and economic hardships have affected individuals across the world. Cheering in the New Year of 2021 gives all of us an opportunity to hope, to heal, set goals, and try to be a better person than we were the year before. During a pandemic, those opportunities may look different than in years past.

Yesterday I was checking out Facebook, and I came across a post from the Veteran’s Caregiver Alliance. A bingo card like image listed a bunch of different challenges for the month of January. Things like reading a book, throwing out or giving away an item each day, and sharing a compliment with a different person daily were a few of the challenges caregivers were given to choose from. The square with ‘no complaining all month’ was a personal favorite but one that I didn’t think I could manage. I could possibly go a day or even a week without complaining about something but an entire month? I doubt even Mother Teresa could have made it a month during a pandemic without lamenting to God about something. The word challenge was used on this FB post, but I think that it easy to interchange it with opportunity. Every challenge listed was/is an opportunity for self-care, self-awareness, and self-growth. Some of the challenges were opportunities to reach out and touch someone else’s life, to get out of the habit of isolating yourself from the world. I liked the idea of donating or getting rid of an item. I can’t speak for the rest of you, but early in the pandemic, I bought WAY too much stuff. It seemed that retailers were offering crazy deals online. How can a person resist 50-60% off their favorite things? The collection of ‘stuff’ filled a hole left empty by lunches with girlfriends or other social events. Now I have an opportunity to donate to those in need while decluttering my life.

What are a few opportunities that you would like to accomplish this year? Maybe you would like the opportunity to wait with a loved one in the hospital while they recover, or have that big family BBQ on the 4th of July weekend. Smaller opportunities could be trying out a new recipe from a cookbook that was given to you 5 years ago and never opened. It may be that you have been wanting to write a book, sing a song, or ride your bicycle around a local lake. Whatever it is, take this opportunity of a brand-new year to try something new that brings joy to yourself and those around you. Trust me when I say that doing even the smallest of things will give you a wonderful sense of accomplishment. The release of positive endorphins in creating happy and positive moments can help in staving off the pandemic blues.

What challenge did I choose for the month of January? Well, I have this funny little journal titled “Me, Myself and I” that was given to me over 10 years ago. I have written only two entries, and the last was in 2012. I have decided that 2021 will quite literally be my opportunity to fill the pages of this book with my thoughts, dreams, and hope for the future. May your New Year bring opportunities to love, grow, cherish others, and dream while writing your own book of life.

By Justina Lyn HTH representative and veteran caregiver