Giving Thanks

What do I have to be thankful for? I am thankful to be alive. This Thanksgiving is like most, I had to have surgery, this time on my kidney. It seems like I’m always having surgery around the holidays. Being in the hospital really stresses me out, and that kind of stress is really a trigger for a PTSD panic attack.  I’m also extremely thankful for my wife. She can really read me, she knows how I’m feeling just by my facial expressions, she is truly the best caregiver for me. My wife made sure that my nurses were giving me my medications on time, and stayed next to me the whole stay to comfort me if I had a nightmare. I also was so thankful having family around. That usually relieves some of the stress I face daily. I have spent so many holidays training or deployed, being close to the ones I love the most makes the holidays so much more special. Hearing my own children and niece laugh really helped make the pain go away.

            When I was released from the hospital and was on the way home I could take some time to really realize how much I do have to be thankful for. My life, my family, the roof over my head, my freedom to enjoy the things that I like and to dislike the things that I don’t like (like being in the hospital).

            The thankfulness continued when I found out my daughter had flown home for Thanksgiving. She is active duty serving in the U.S Army, she makes me so proud and grateful that she chose to serve our country.  

As we ate dinner, engaged in conversation, laughed, and talked about everything, I could connect with my family. Something that has not been possible for quite some time, and slowly but surely I am making the progress to be healthier and happier for my family. 

The Importance of Voting - Diana Stone

Tuesday I took my 6-year-old daughter with me to vote. The days leading up, I’d tried to explain to her what this all meant, why voting was important, and what the president did. The more I explained, the more confused I became trying to break it down. Every question of hers led to a spin off in a hundred different directions, but we watched videos and read up on it together.

As we pulled up to the voting place, I felt nervous. I realize my vote is just that – one – but I also know that there are times just a few votes have made a significant difference in something. As we walked out, a young woman approached us with a smile that matched my unsteady one and asked, “Do you know where we vote?” I replied I wasn’t sure but that we could find someone to ask and for her to come with us if she’d like. We figured it out, and walked together into the building.

She seemed even more nervous than I was, holding her purse and asking questions. Did she need that voter registration card I was holding? Was her ID ok? Was she in the right precinct? I assured her that even if it was all wrong, the voting workers have a lot of options to help her vote as long as she was registered, and she relaxed a bit.

As we neared the front, she turned to me and smiled. “This is my first time voting in the U.S.,” she beamed. “I’m so excited. I don’t want to mess it all up.”

I felt excited for her. “Oh my goodness, how special! What an election to be able to vote in for the first time.”

She nodded and told me how she might have been able to vote at her college, but really wanted to drive to where her precinct was (45 minutes away). I asked her where she’d voted before.

“Mexico – it was so different there! We went into a garage and they have a booth, a sort of black curtain you put over your head, then look in and vote. I have wanted to vote so much here, I registered to vote in the primaries but I guess they didn’t process my application in time. So I said no matter what happens, I have to be able to vote today. I have been checking and calling to make sure I could.”

As I stood there waiting my turn, I felt a lump in my throat as she talked. Here was this young woman who had probably gone through much more than I, personally, had for the right to vote here. She had watched this whole election unfold and was determined to have a voice in it.

As we walked away, I looked back to give her a smile of encouragement. Then I snapped a picture with my daughter after I showed her how the voting machines worked, and we pressed the “SUBMIT” button together, put on our stickers, and walked out to see what would happen in a few hours.

I came out of that building with a much deeper appreciation for what this all means. Win, lose – it was an honor to be a part of something like this.

The Importance of Family - Juan Perez

Over the last 2.5 years our family has been on a journey that we were not at liberty to discuss with the world. Although it sounds very special ops and cool, the heart of the story is heartbreaking. Juan and I have always been firm believers that we are part of a bigger plan. We may not always understand what that plan is or agree with it but we know that we will never be given more than we can handle. August 23, 2013 Juan’s sister had her children taken from her and placed into the Oklahoma Department of Human Services system due to criminal activity in the home that placed them in danger. Juan did not have an active role in his sister’s life due to her lifestyle choices but we had always spoken to our niece through social media and telephone. We were notified shortly after the children were taken that the situation was very difficult and the kids may not be able to return to their Mother’s care. The state of Oklahoma told us that our niece would like to come live with us and that they would like to keep all three kids together, would we be able to take them all? We started getting our home certified for foster care to have the children placed with us in June of 2014.

 At the time my Husband was staying in Michigan caring for his adopted Mother who was dying from stage 4 cancer. We spent countless hours in training, flying Juan back and forth from Michigan for meetings, training, and to complete the certification process. We were completely certified and ready for the placement of the kiddos in August of 2014. We were kept in communication of the legal process and what was going on with the children however, the court continued to try to work on Juan’s sister’s situation to allow the kids to come back to her. In September of 2015 our youngest nephew was placed back in his Mother’s care while our niece ran away from the foster home that she was in. The supervisors on the case lost track of Juan’s sister and our nephew and were unable to find our niece. In October they found our nephew with his Mother at a Walmart after 30 days and he was in terrible condition. He was wearing soiled pants, no shoes or socks, covered in dirt and in a terrible emotional state. At the court hearing immediately following the state taking possession of our nephew again Juan’s sister terminated her own rights to the children. At that time our niece was still missing. We were no longer getting information on the kids because they had started the reunification process with his sister.

The state of Oklahoma reached out to us again at the beginning of January 2016 for assistance finding our niece and to see if we were still interested in taking the kiddos. We found our niece within 24 hours and had her at a foster home where she felt safe within 48 hours. Our home had to be recertified again because so much time had passed. Through this entire process we had the best case workers in Colorado that anyone could ask for. They recertified us in less than 45 days, we were ready to take on all three kiddos. As the day approached that the kids were going to be placed we were told that one of the kids was going to go to a different home, a home that we knew nothing about. We had prepped our children and our home for all three of these kids and it felt like the state and the system was running us in circles. One minute we are ready for the kids and they are not coming. The next minute we are taking three kids and now we are only getting two. The process is very long and very stressful.

When you think of this process for an individual that does not have any mental disabilities I am sure you can imagine how difficult it may be.  However, when you add a disabled veteran that is processing through his Mothers death, a veteran that has anxiety, ptsd, a TBI, and still lives his life very structured and planned, this chaos was something that we almost didn’t get through. We worked hard to maintain our daily lives with work and our own children but the stress of the entire process weighed heavily on us personally. Juan and I lean on each other for support in all aspects of life however the constant indecisiveness of this process was causing us both extreme anxiety. Every time we thought we were moving forward the caseworkers would change something and we would move three steps back. Finally, we took it upon ourselves to drive to Oklahoma to pick up our nephew and speed up the placement process.

May 1^st 2016 we picked up our nephew in Oklahoma and on May 20^th our niece was brought to our home by her foster family on a foster to adopt placement. No matter how prepared we believed we were, there was no way for us to be prepared for how this changed our lives. These kiddos have been through so much and both suffer from PTSD and anxiety which requires therapy and medication. Their needs sometime surpass our needs and at times are like my husband’s disabilities. The first 30 days were the most difficult. We had to report to two separate sets of case workers in two states. The kiddos had to have full medical and dental clearance and as it turned out they were not as healthy as we had been told. Both kids had to start therapy and have ongoing medical conditions that have to be monitored monthly. I am a caregiver from my core in every aspect of my life and at times I felt like I had taken on more than I could handle.

  To top it all off we also found out that Juan’s boxer had Lymphoma and would need to start chemotherapy. It seemed that the world was stacked against us, yet we kept our head up and knew that there was a plan bigger than what we understood. We worked hard to teach all the kids the ground rules and structure that we needed to incorporate two more kiddos into our home. We met with the caseworkers, we started the therapy for those that needed it, we kept our minds and hearts open so that hopefully we would see and understand the big picture. As the kids started to settle in and everyone started to get comfortable we had a new bombshell dropped. To get our Niece adopted we had to complete it before she was 18 or she was losing all her benefits of being a foster child for the last three years. Like I said before every time we thought we were moving forward we would get knocked three steps back.

There are always rules and regulations that govern foster homes and the adoption process and time was not on our side. Our niece was going to turn 18 before we were legally able to adopt her. Juan and I kept our faith and began advocating very strongly for our niece. At the family meeting in August the judge heard the issues we were facing and ordered the state to do whatever to make sure our niece was adopted by her birthday. The state of Oklahoma hired a private attorney to assist us in the process and were able to get an exemption to allow us to adopt her and her little brother the day before she turned 18 which will allow her to get and keep the benefits that she deserves for the hardship she endured.

As of October 19, 2016 we are now a family of 9. This adventure could have been the end of our marriage and family. The trials and tribulations that went with this process could have caused us to grow apart but one of the most important things that Juan and I have learned over the years is understanding of each other’s trigger points, strengths, and weaknesses. I know that he has a hard time with disorder and indecisiveness, so I handled as much as I could the things that were up in the air. I know that when I need things done Juan is very good at getting people to move and make decisions. Knowing these things about each other helped us in every aspect of this process. Although we hope that we are finished with foster care, case workers, attorneys, and lawyers we know that we have a criminal case that is still pending and one more kiddo that needs to be placed that doesn’t have a permanent home yet. Through everything we maintained a positive attitude and made sure that we kept the lines of communication open, no matter what was thrown at us we would survive this adventure together. Sometimes I believe we are stronger together because of his injury. As of today, we are a family of 9; perfectly imperfect individuals who are exactly where we are intended to be in life.