The Holiday Season is Officially Here

Since being very young, my family has always had a lot of holiday traditions from making blueberry turnovers on Thanksgiving morning, to reading The Cajun Night Before Christmas before heading to bed on Christmas Eve.

As I grew up, I always wondered what traditions my husband and I would create for our children, or what ones we would continue that we did as children. For the most part, we have carried over a lot of my side of the families traditions and just added a few others here and there. A new tradition we have implemented is on Thanks Giving day whoever we are with we make each person write down what they are thankful for and we put them all in a decorative box. We don’t read them until the following year. Last year we had the whole house full of family and friends, this year it was quiet with just the four of us. It was really special to sit down and read what everyone had written down from the year before, it really made the day feel even more full of things to be thankful for. This Christmas we are traveling to Florida to spend time with my family. This will be my first Christmas in seven years back with my parents.  What are some traditions you and your family do?

I haven't Used My Stove in Three Weeks

Typically this would mean we've been eating a lot of take-out or microwaved crap. That's not the case. Two years ago my mom swore that I needed to buy one of these new Pressure Cookers that I kept seeing the QVC infomercial for. It might sound crazy, but at the time there was no way in heck I could bring a pressure cooker into my home. My truck in Afghanistan ran over a pressure plate, and that's the only thing I could thank of every time my mom brought it up. I was too scared and had looked on you-tube l many unfortunate incidents with these pressure cookers.

My husband and I are currently both in school. I started realizing how much money we are wasting on fast food. No one wants to come home from a long day of school and have to cook for an hour, then it ends up being past the kid's bedtime, and I still have homework to do. Not to mention I am always struggling with remembering to take meat out to thaw, so we are always coming up on dinner time with no ideas of what to make and nothing thawed. I watched countless videos, and did plenty of research before I dare bring this Pressure Cooker into my home. It turns out they have supposedly made them with so many precautions so no error can occur. I  bought it exactly three weeks ago and have yet to use anything else; I make dinner in , it every night and something I use it for lunch and breakfast as well. It leaves me with only one dirty dish to clean sometimes two if I use a cutting board as well but that's it! We use to be a pretty plain family and rotate the same meals around never changing it up.  I have made so many different dishes in just these three weeks. 
 including potato soup, chili-spaghetti, stroganoff, ribs, wings, tortellini soup, and meat loaf. I even have a recipe for a cheesecake I am waiting to try. The longest part is waiting for it to pressurize. Today I made BBQ chicken Wings in 10 minutes. That's it!  This has saved me so much time in the kitchen, and allowed me to get more stuff accomplished. Also when I have had seizures and am out of it, my husband can easily check out YouTube for a quick recipe and throw it together for him and the kids rather than being super overwhelmed and buying pizza three days in a row. So it's a win, win for the family. Now I won't lie when you release the pressure after cooking a meal it whistles like an incoming mortar, and I have to brace my self every time. It's like a Public Service Announcement in our home "Get ready It's gonna be loud!" If you have a Pressure Cooker here is one of our favorite recipes.

In the service of others

Time Heals all wounds?

It’s a silly utterance isn’t it? Time healing wounds. Anyone who has a close relationship with a wounded service member knows this to be utter fallacy. Time has nothing to do with the healing of wounds. Some wounds, will never be healed. Some will get better with time, but never go away, some will fester, become infected, septic, some will grow, and become wounds in other people.

Some wounds are contagious, Some are inherited. Some can always be seen - The loss of a limb, the scars left by third degree burns. Some are hidden, some scars don’t show up in the daylight. The scar of divorce papers, because the man who came back wasn’t the man who left. The nearly empty bottle of oxycodone, because the VA doesn’t know how to treat whatever is wrong with you and the pain is too much to handle, and the narcotics don’t even touch the sides of it.

The email alert on your phone that tells of another brother or sister, becoming a causality of war long after their war was over. The gaping hole left by friendships that were ended. Because they couldn’t understand what you’d been through and wanted to talk about the college football game, fishing next week, The high school reunion.

They don’t understand you anymore, and you’re glad of it, because wishing them to understand you would be the same as wishing they’d faced what you faced and you love them too much for that. So you let them go.

The even bigger hole left by friendships that were ended because they know all too well what you’ve been through, and now all you could talk about was the fallen, the injured, the broken, because when it comes down to it, that’s all you have in common anymore. Now that friendship hurts too much so you call on veterans day, you chat for 7 minutes, and your nightmares return for a week not that they ever really went anywhere, they just seem to be in color again now.

I was asked to write this blog today, with something hopeful, uplifting, something to give our readers a smile. Something that wouldn’t set heavy on the heart of our followers that don’t know the life injured veterans and their caregivers live every day.

Because it does seem like it’s a waking nightmare when you read it from the outside. And sometimes, it feels like it from the inside too. But sometimes isn’t all the time. If you’ve read our blog before you may have come across one of my previous posts talking about my Husband Jim. If you have not, I will give you a brief background.

Jim was injured during his tour of Iraq in 2004. He was shot between the eyes, and as a result he has a TBI and PTSD. (I’ve said that exact explanation enough times now it’s as easy as saying my own birthdate).

Jim has a lot of invisible wounds. And time is not healing them. People are. Jim will never be the man he was before he deployed, but he is becoming a wonderful man in his own right. When Jim and I were married in 2008, I knew that our marriage would start with a fair bit of baggage. Loving someone with a Traumatic brain injury isn’t easy. Soothing someone with PTSD will turn you prematurely grey.

When we were first married Jim’s contact with his family was limited, his friendships strained, his existence was a pretty quiet one. He suffered bouts of depression, anxiety, mania, self-loathing you wouldn’t believe from a man that always comes across as confident (to the point of arrogance mind you) He believed in God, but was pretty sure that God no longer believed in him.

When Jim left basic training in 2001 he weighed in at 180lbs. Not bad for being 6ft 1. 4 years after being medically discharged from the Army because of his wounds Jim weighed in at 350lbs.
When you no longer feel yourself worthy you stop treating yourself as if you are worthy. Statistics from the VA state that 80% of veterans are now considered over weight. That’s a blog for another time, but those numbers are huge when you take into consideration that these men and woman were once the best trained our country had to offer.

He stopped leaving the house if it could be avoided, his VA appointments went by the wayside. Drive thru was the best invention known to man. If he wasn’t happy with what his life had become he was certainly comfortable with it, and comfort was the best he thought he could hope for.

Now, if we left it there this wouldn’t be the uplifting blog I was asked to write would it? I’m not feeling very uplifted myself right now. But it is, I swear, bear with me.

Jim’s wounds had been covered up for so long, they had begun to turn inwards, instead of healing they were going in deeper. They weren’t just invisible anymore, they were soul deep.

But then came people. People Jim had no interest what so ever in having anything to do with. Why would people care what happened to Jim? No one else had cared what happened to Jim. His friends and family didn’t know who he was now, they didn’t know how to handle him, so they left him to his own devices. That’s not to say they didn’t love him, They did, and do, they just didn’t know what they could do. 

Mark Ketcham And Jim Batchelor

So, along came people, the first of which was a man named Mark Ketcham. A quiet man, getting on his years, white hair, glasses, and a drive that would put any teenager to shame. I would say he was a bit like a bulldog with a bone, but honestly, he was a Jack Russell with a chew toy, and he wasn’t letting it go.

As part of the National Organization on disability, Mark’s job was to help injured veterans in the North East Texas area with anything he thought they might need. His work load was huge, his hours were long, and his spirit never faltered. There were these men and woman who felt forgotten and he made it his personal mission to ensure that they knew there was a place in the world for them.

For every time Jim turned Mark away he came back twice, until eventually Jim let him inside, and suddenly there was purpose. Mark took Jim everywhere. If he needed a poster child, Jim was it. Three times to Washington DC. Jim attended the re-signing of the Americans with Disabilities act, testified before the state arms committee, and got kicked out of the white house for taking photographs (twice) and then Mark started introducing Jim to other groups.

The most important one being the Coalition to Salute Americas Heroes (but if you’re reading this blog you already knew that right?) and Jim got to attend his very first Road to Recovery and suddenly, where there had been 2 people, there was a dozen people in Jim’s life. And that dozen became two dozen, and they knew only new Jim, Veteran Jim, they didn’t expect him to be anything he wasn’t and they understood the struggles that he faced, because they faced them as well, and suddenly he wasn’t alone any more, and the bandage came off the wound, and it started to feel better.

Not great, it’s always going to hurt on rough days, like a bad knee when a storm is coming, when the night is too quiet, when a car backfires, but it’s not all encompassing anymore. Surprisingly time had nothing to do with it. People did. Mark Ketchum’s office was eventually closed but he never stopped calling Jim. Mark never stopped caring, even in the weeks leading up to his death, his health worsening, and his body failing he would call to make sure Jim was ok, hiding from him the worst of his own battle. Until one night, it wasn’t Mark that called. It was Marks wife and just like that Jim could have closed the door and shut all the people Mark had given him out of his life again.

But Mark had taught Jim a very important lesson in the few years they knew each other. Service to others. Jim could not serve his country in the military anymore but that didn’t mean he couldn’t still serve.

In serving others Jim found a new place for himself in a world he never thought he would fit back into. He served as the chair person on the Texas state independent living council and has been appointed to the Texas Governors board on Traumatic Brain Injuries. He is historian for his local American Legion chapter  and served as Sargent at arms and original member of the local Combat Veterans Motorcycle Association. Now he spends his Tuesday nights training cadets in the Civil Air Patrol. His Thursday mornings volunteering at the food pantry. Last year he was part of a mission trip to Corpus Christi to run a Vacation bible school at the naval base and work on a church for the homeless community, something 5 years ago he would never have thought he was capable of doing.

Life isn’t perfect for us, and sometimes his wounds still bleed, but he’s learning to live with them. He’s seeing his own worth again. He lost 120s lbs. Finished a Bachelor’s degree in criminal justice and a Masters in National Security. He’s living instead of existing.

Jim Batchelor And Sons

He’s raising children and passing on the message of serving others. Time doesn’t heal all wounds. But each of us has the chance to help someone carry their own wounds. Each of us has the chance to come back twice for every time we are turned away, each of us has the ability to show our veterans that they still have a place and a purpose in the world they fought to protect.

I feel sometimes working in the Coalition to Salute America’s Heroes Veterans Circle membership program like we are losing the battle that we couldn’t possibly reach every Veteran we need to. That there is a Jim sitting out there somewhere waiting for someone to knock on his door and show him his worth. For everyone we reach out to, we are missing two others, so we are going to need your help.
If you know a veteran, that you think might be struggling, or even one that looks to be handling things just fine, please reach out to them today, don’t take no for an answer.

Be a Jack Russell with a chew toy.

If you don’t know a veteran but would still like to help, contact The Coalition to Salute America’s Heroes and we can point you in the direction your help is needed. Serve those who served our country. 

Veterans Day

I hope everyone had a great Veterans Day. Although it's a day to reflect on the service of all veterans, sometimes even a day that is intended as more of a celebration can be hard when some of our comrades are no longer here. I hope you were able to enjoy this day with your families maybe sharing some of your great past experiences with your loved ones. My children are still young (1 & 4), but my husband and I always try and share some positive stories and just let them know what we both did in the service and the importance of our service men and women. (They enjoy going through our old gear and looking at our coins) Also why we thank all of our veterans for their service when we see one in public not just today but every day.

I once used to think people didn't care about veterans, they just kept going about their day to day life not thinking about our deployed troops or veterans at all. Then I heard someone once say, " It's not
that they don't care, it's just that they don't know how to show it.", that made sense to me. How do you thank a veteran for all they have done? By saying thank you? I have seen veterans hate being recognized or thanked for their service, they don't want a "Thank You", that's what they signed up for and what they loved. I've seen others take it with pride and continue on their way. I love it if anyone thanks me for my service, mainly because I am a female and everyone always assumes I am just wearing my husbands old Army PT shirt. So when someone goes out of their way to say thank you, I take their thanks to heart because it doesn't happen often. I used to also just go with the flow and not correct people when they use to thank my husband for his service, I would just stand there awkwardly not saying anything at all because it's not fair of me to expect people to assume I was in the Army just because.

Then one day I was buying essential oils at a local health shop, I noticed they had a sign promoting military discount. I pulled out my ID and the older women behind the cash register was in complete disbelief I was in the military. She instantly starting asking me all these questions regarding my MOS. Then she said, " how were you a military police without a gun?"  I had a gun!? I had a pistol when working patrol and I was a 50 cal. Gunner down range. The look on her face quickly changed she then said: "They let women have guns in the military?" This is the moment I knew all along I had been failing myself as a female veteran as well as my society that tends to be still set back in gender roles. Some people are that unaware of the world around them, and I was doing no good keeping my mouth shut. I know to make sure to say something and start up a conversation about my service as well. It use to not be a big deal to me but to see that people are so unaware of female veterans today just really shocked me and made me want to see change.


I hope this Veterans Day you found the love and respect of others that may have thanked you, and I pray you sincerely felt it.

Here are some facts about Veterans Day and how it came to be:

Veterans Day was once called Armistice Day to commemorate the ending of World War l. It was started on November 11, 1919. It was then further pushed to be a holiday for honoring all veterans and then changed to Veterans Day. In 1938 it became a National Holiday.

Irreplaceably Broken

I have been married to my veteran/hero for nearly 12 years. We have been through a lot together to include two deployments. When I met him he was always the life of the party even when there wasn't a party. Doing anything and everything possible to bring a smile to those around him. Needless to say, I was quickly swept off my feet with his bubbling spirit, kind gestures to all, and awkward sense of humor! After two deployments and three children, on the outside, we looked like the perfect American family - so happy and so blessed!
It was a much different feeling inside of me though. I felt like I was drowning because our house had become shook by something I didn't understand at the time. He had begun to drink ALL the time and seemed so blank. Not angry, not sad... just empty. I blamed myself, I just knew it had to be something I had done to cause him to be this way behind closed doors because when I saw him interact with others he was still the man I easily fell madly in love with. I called close friends and family trying to ask for help and find out what I could do to fix what was wrong with me, to make him happy with me again. All with dead-end answers like "maybe he just fell out of love with you.", and "people change, maybe you should just get a divorce and move on."

Well, these were not good enough for me. I'm stubborn, I'm a fixer, I made vows and still had every intention of keeping them! This man was and is my other half and I cannot possibly just cut ties with half of myself. This man is my children's Dad and I need him at his best for them. This thought process stayed for a while until one night he went out with friends drinking. Upset and wanting him to know it,  I chose to sleep on the couch... apparently, this was a mistake. When he came home he was really drunk and I was not where I was supposed to be. This made something snap inside him and he became violent. Screaming at me asking who I was and how I got in his house? He frantically went into the kids' rooms making sure they were there. I followed him afraid he was going to try and hurt them. He quickly snapped back to me still accusing me of being an intruder and asking what I had done with his wife who was not in her bed. No matter what I said or did he was not accepting that I was me. I finally got him outside and locked the door. Making the hardest decision of my life at the time, I decided to call the M.P.s as he tried to break back into our home screaming "I am going to kill you! You better stay away from my kids!" and "I will find out what you did with my wife." He was arrested and that is when I broke.
I had a Uhaul reserved before he made it to the station. Once his unit became aware of what had happened they sent him to a PTSD stress, drug, and alcohol center. I shared with his Platoon SGT my plans to leave. She begged me to rethink this, telling me I could do what I felt I needed but I should know if I did leave he would have no reason to get better. So, I canceled the moving truck and decided once he returned from the rehabilitation center I would tell him he had no more chances. If I even thought he was going to mess up, I was leaving with our kids. He came home and I did just as I had planned. I told him that as far as I was concerned, I was there as a roommate and friend. He could talk to me, we could do family events together but until further notice, I was no longer his wife, just the mother of his children- helping him heal for them.
He agreed and apologized a hundred times over. Things were going well for the next six months. He worked and came home, we did family things together, I worked and came home, and so on. My job was evening shift so we didn't have very much interaction unless we really planned it and the kids were always with one of us so it was great. Our children went away for summer vacation to their grandmother's house and we began to get closer. It started to feel like we had just met again, going on dates and even clowning around again. Everything was starting to go back to our normal.
One night I left for work and we even shared a goodbye kiss! I had a busy night and didn't have time to check my phone at all. As we were closing, my phone kept ringing so I finally answered. It was my husband's Platoon Sgt. asking if I had heard from him. I explained I had been busy at work and hadn't had a chance to hear from anyone, then asked, "Why?" as my heart pummeled my chest. She said, "Please check your messages and go straight to the hospital, he needs you!"
The next several hours are kind of blurry after I hung up from the call and was on my way out the door reading a text from him telling me he loved me, there was something wrong with him and he needed to exit my life in order to give me what was best for me and the kids... a chance to find someone not broken! I don't know how I didn't get pulled over on the way to the hospital, I am not even sure how I got there because however it was, it wasn't fast enough. I burst through the doors and the receptionist said I would have to wait for a nurse to escort me, I couldn't breathe because she wouldn't tell me his condition. A nurse came out and told me he was asking for me. Finally! A little relief - at least he is able to speak so his goodbye text was not a success. The nurse then shuttles me to a quiet room and I'm like uh where is he? She said, “I can't take you in yet because I have to talk with you.”
I do not understand this at all.. you just said he has been asking for me so why am I in this room with the dim lighting, Bible on the side tables of these couches, and tissue boxes everywhere? As I begin to feel green and my heart cannot stay contained in my chest any longer because it is racing like the beat of a million wild horses, it crosses my mind that this is where they tell the family that they did all they could! Inside my head, I am screaming but can barely gasp for air in this room to form any kind of sound.
Apparently, she could see the distress on my face and kindly said, “Stay calm and he is alive but I do have to counsel you before I can allow you to see him. He did try to overdose and is not very coherent at this time. That's all I heard from her. She said some other things but I really don't know what… something about family counseling and so on. I just couldn't wait to get to him to tell him I was sorry I felt like I had isolated him from my fear of being hurt again to the point that I almost really lost him completely. This was a good day I had thought when I left for work. Things were getting back to where they were supposed to be. I do not understand why this was the day that turned so wickedly to a nightmare where he was almost part of the 22 veterans a day who lose their battle at home. I was almost a widow because of a war in his mind. My children were almost without their Dad because he thought for a split second that someone else would be better for them because of his wounds from war.

Our Veterans need to know we are here for them every day. I felt compelled to share my story because I am proud of what the Coalition to Salute America’s Heroes is doing to help lower the suicide rates within our Veteran families.  #22standing

One Year

November is a big month in the Nelms house it marks a full year we have been in our mortgage-free home from Operation Finally Home.

A year of walking through the same halls every day, resting in the same bed and it still all feels so unreal. We have enjoyed making so many memories here, and I have loved every minute.

Some of my favorite memories and moments:

November 14th is the day we moved in. Thanksgiving day we hosted dinner my entire family traveled from FL, my husbands family from North TX and aunt from South Carolina. I had never hosted a holiday at my house before let alone ever have this many individuals able to travel to whatever base we were currently stationed. This was such a high moment in my life and time I will forever cherish.
~
When they built the home, they let the community as well as our family come in and write on the frame of the home-notes of love. I am so glad they do this.
Our first year in this home my grandmother passed away.  One night as I was having a rough time grasping the fact that she had passed away I remember ugly crying in my bathtub staring at the tile on the wall and instantly remembering somewhere behind the walls of this home is a letter she wrote, showering my family with love. I couldn't help but smile and be happy for at that moment I realized something; that I was surrounded by a stronger love than just the individuals living in my home- my husband and kids but my family, friends, co-workers, even stranger that came together to show us love during the build. All the messages and love will always remain there; I couldn't help
but smile knowing she was proud of me, proud of my service and who I have become. Something so simple as letting people write on the frame of the home has brought comfort to me.
~
We have had so many visitors as well. I remember before we never had people over mainly because we typically just lived out of packed boxes because we were always anticipating another move, even after we got out of the military. We never settled anywhere, nowhere felt right. My husband and I both veterans, decided the day we found out it was a four bedroom home that we would let the guest room be an open door to any of our battles buddies in need, whether they needed to stay for a day or a month they could have this space as theirs. There is nothing worse as a Veteran then feeling alone, and sometimes we can have a whole line up of family support, but the only place that feels slightly familiar or normal is with our comrades. No fault to our families it's just how it is. We felt so blessed yet undeserving of such a gift from people that were once strangers (Operation Finally Home) that we felt the need to share this blessing with people who face our daily struggles, but most importantly we just wanted to show them unconditional love like we have been shown in a time of need. And honestly it helps us too it's hard to miss something when you surround yourself with it, I miss the Army daily so If we are surrounded by our veteran friends, it feels like we're still in. I even had an Uncle stay with us that I had never met before. It was my biological father's ( who I haven't seen in years) brother. I figure what the heck this year is a new start for us I need to be open and accepting of all opportunities. It was a great visit he taught me so much about my father's side that I had never known and just all around was so sweet and accepting he is also a veteran, so that was cool.   I am glad we have had so many people visit and stay with us, and I can't wait to celebrate the one year anniversary this month!

In total, we have had over 26 visitors and 13 people that have stayed with us for a few days. In just one year.  This whole year has been about striving to be more open, put down my wall and try to say yes more to new opportunities. I have lacked confidence over the years I am trying to get that back. Create my own identity something more than a broken vet, a victim, a mom none of these are necessarily bad, but I'm striving for something without a label. I have failed a few times this year, but I have also had great success. My heart is full!

Fall and the Astros

For our kids.

My hope is that as you’re reading this our guys clinched the championship on Halloween night, if they don’t we can sweep game 7 just like we did for the ACLS!! We’ll be watching, with pumpkin spice in hand and rocking our gear!!

Before my family moved to Texas we were never really sports fans. Sure, Iowa had the Iowa Cubs and our Iowa Hawkeyes for college football but no professional sports teams.
Now we’ve got the Texans and the Astro’s and what an amazing time to be a fan! Had you noticed they had over 100 wins and are currently tied 2 – 2 with the LA Dodgers. We think they can do it this year, it’s our year! We’ve got Altuve, Correa, Springer and an all-around awesome team!
All of us have our Astro’s gear and even if it’s really late, we make every attempt to catch each game. We cheer, we yell, we question the ref’s and have just really come to love watching our team this year. Not because they made it to the World Series but because we’ve gone to a few games and the time we go is time we’re making memories. Bring on the World Series win!!
 !!