Being a Part of the Heroes Thanking Heroes Program

I’ll start out by introducing myself. I am Joy Marshall, a Military spouse and a Military Mother while I provide care for my veteran husband, Trey. He enlisted with the United States Army in September 2007 at the age of 28. He deployed to Iraq the following June. 

Trey was wounded in Iraq by a mortar that hit 35-40 yards away from his Humvee in March 2009. The blast threw him out of his gunner’s seat and onto the hard ground at a weird angle. With all the heavy gear he was wearing, it was a massive fall. It twisted his neck while his body went the other direction. He ruptured some discs and was knocked unconscious for almost 10 minutes. He doesn’t remember being injured, only waking up. He finished up his year-long deployment, not realizing the extent of his injuries until he was back home and went into the WTU until retiring out of the Army.

I also have two sons, one who served in OIF in Iraq, in which he sustained injuries and PTSD. My oldest son is still full active with a wife and daughter. Trey and I have two beautiful daughters with a total of 4 grandchildren.

I am currently working in the Heroes Thanking Heroes Program. I am the Assistant Team Lead for the Quality Assurance Department, and I also make calls to our wonderful donors to thank them for their support in helping our wounded veterans and their families. I still think about one donor I spoke with not too long ago...

He was stationed at Pearl Harbor and was on the ship USS Oklahoma that was bombed in the early hours as he was sleeping in their bunks on the ship. When the bomb hit, the ship was going down; as the gentlemen stated, they were treading in the cold water with other military men- fighting off the sharks as they were waiting for help for hours on end. It really touched my heart that day to hear what those soldiers went through and know they are helping our wounded veterans today. 

Having the opportunity to connect with other veteran families has helped. Being involved with the Coalition to Salute America’s Heroes has been a huge blessing for my husband and me. We have met a lot of wonderful, wounded veterans along the way and have been able to participate in some really cool activities and programs that have helped restore hope to our family. 

Thank you to The Coalition to Salute America’s Heroes for all you have done for My husband and me and so many wounded veterans. 

Marshall Family

Partnership and Communication in Marriage

The way that you communicate and see your marriage is the way that is going to reflect to the world. I learned very early in my marriage that effective communication helped me understand my spouse and vice versa. But how do you communicate? Do you yell, do you give the silent-treatment, or do you put it under the rug and let it go? I realized that was not the most effective way to communicate with my spouse.

First, no one is really listening, even when we are yelling. This is the point where we don’t want to get to; we want to be able to speak our feeling and thoughts to our partners without having to yell. It has taken me a good minute to get here, and some of the ways that have helped me have been with this simple opening statement “ I am not here to fight with you, I am here to speak with you and for you to understand how I am feeling …” then you put your emotions into words. How do you feel? Do you feel frustrated, happy, sad, angry, resentful, tired? And you go with your statement. At the beginning, it might be uncomfortable to speak up, but we must be able to learn and exercise our communications skills with our partners. The sooner you learn to communicate with each other, the better the relationship gets because you are building trust with each other.  

At last, what do you want from your partner with the information that you have given them? Are you seeking an apology? And if you are, you have to say it. For example, “Honey, I need you to apologize to me because this hurt me” or “I would like for this or that to change.” Sometimes our partners do not know how hurt we are. Or what is bothering us. We think “they SHOULD know!” but the reality is that they don’t! They can’t read your thoughts; there’s no way of them knowing if you don’t speak up. You might say, but they saw me crying, or they noticed I got upset. Yes, and you are right, but why were you crying, or why did you get upset. Learn to translate your feeling into words. Try to write them down to have more clarity when you speak and the desired outcome from the information you have provided.

I hope these simple and easy tips can help your marriage build trust and the ability to communicate effectively with your partner.

By Emily Hernandez