Partnership and Communication in Marriage

The way that you communicate and see your marriage is the way that is going to reflect to the world. I learned very early in my marriage that effective communication helped me understand my spouse and vice versa. But how do you communicate? Do you yell, do you give the silent-treatment, or do you put it under the rug and let it go? I realized that was not the most effective way to communicate with my spouse.

First, no one is really listening, even when we are yelling. This is the point where we don’t want to get to; we want to be able to speak our feeling and thoughts to our partners without having to yell. It has taken me a good minute to get here, and some of the ways that have helped me have been with this simple opening statement “ I am not here to fight with you, I am here to speak with you and for you to understand how I am feeling …” then you put your emotions into words. How do you feel? Do you feel frustrated, happy, sad, angry, resentful, tired? And you go with your statement. At the beginning, it might be uncomfortable to speak up, but we must be able to learn and exercise our communications skills with our partners. The sooner you learn to communicate with each other, the better the relationship gets because you are building trust with each other.  

At last, what do you want from your partner with the information that you have given them? Are you seeking an apology? And if you are, you have to say it. For example, “Honey, I need you to apologize to me because this hurt me” or “I would like for this or that to change.” Sometimes our partners do not know how hurt we are. Or what is bothering us. We think “they SHOULD know!” but the reality is that they don’t! They can’t read your thoughts; there’s no way of them knowing if you don’t speak up. You might say, but they saw me crying, or they noticed I got upset. Yes, and you are right, but why were you crying, or why did you get upset. Learn to translate your feeling into words. Try to write them down to have more clarity when you speak and the desired outcome from the information you have provided.

I hope these simple and easy tips can help your marriage build trust and the ability to communicate effectively with your partner.

By Emily Hernandez