My Story

I wanted to take this opportunity to share my story about how I became a caregiver for a disabled veteran, and the path that brought me to where I am today. This story is probably very familiar to some, so I hope that it gives you some peace of mind to know that you are not alone. To others who may not have had similar experiences, I understand that every soldier is different, and my hope is that this story will give you some new perspectives.

Just a quick back-story; my husband and I met in the summer of 1991 and married in the summer of 1993. At the time of writing this, over 30 years have passed, and we are still together and still very much in love.

Fast-forward three years to 1996. Our first daughter was almost three years old, and I was pregnant with our second child. The factory that my husband worked at closed its doors, and we didn’t know what we were going to do. I can’t remember what made me even mention it, but I suggested that maybe he should look into enlisting in the armed forces. My husband went to the recruiting station that day and joined the Army. A few weeks later he was on his way to Ft. Sill, Oklahoma for basic training. This began the first of many times that I found myself alone, taking care of the home front. I was young, pregnant, and raising our daughter by myself. I was scared to be alone most of the time, but I was so proud of my husband.

His first duty station was Ft. Campbell, Kentucky. We arrived there in the early summer of ’96. It wasn’t long after arriving that I began to learn what the term “field problem” meant. To my husband, it meant training in the back forty with his unit. To me, it meant I was going to be alone again. Sure, there was the unit’s Family Readiness Group (FRG), but sometimes that is not enough. When you’re tucking your kids into bed at night, and they are asking where their daddy is and when is he coming home, it hurts.

Eventually, we got to move into on-base housing, where I was surrounded by other military spouses. I made a lot of close friends, and being able to spend time with them definitely helped to ease the pain of missing my husband while he was in the field, sometimes for up to thirty days at a time. I would like to think that I was able to help them as well when their respective spouses were not at home for weeks or months at a time. Hindsight being what it is, I would have relished those times when my husband was gone for only weeks instead of the years that were coming, where he would spend more time deployed than he was at home.

After my husband’s second duty station in Germany, where I am so blessed to have been able to visit so many different countries while we were over there, we came back to Ft. Campbell in January of 2003. My husband had barely in-processed into his new unit when they were deployed to Iraq in February. At the time, my biggest fear was that he was going to get hurt over there… or worse. I already had enough experience taking care of the home front while he was away that I knew I could handle a year-long deployment on my own; I was just more worried for my husband than anything else. Back then, it was hard to talk to your deployed spouse. I remember writing so many letters to send to him, but receiving letters back from him was few and far between. I understood. Whenever he was able to get away, he would stand in line for hours in the hot sun, just so we could talk on a satellite phone for five minutes. I looked forward to those phone calls like a child looks forward to opening presents on Christmas morning. I took what I could get.

In October of 2003, my husband injured his back while deployed to northern Iraq. What took place that day is not my story to tell, but what happened when he got back home is. He was put on convalescent leave for six months upon the unit’s return home from their year-long deployment. During that time, he could barely walk. I remember getting him out of the bed each day and putting him into his computer chair so that I could wheel him into the kitchen or bathroom. He was in so much pain that it hurt my heart to see him suffering. The good news is that there was improvement with his condition after many physical therapy sessions and pain management appointments. The bad news was that the medical board deemed that he was too injured to continue his career in the Army, so after only nine years, my husband was medically chaptered out of the military.

At that time, I wasn’t really sure what PTSD was. I just knew that my husband was not the same person that he was before he was deployed. He had an extremely difficult time dealing with his injury and his transition back into civilian life. He didn’t like it one bit, and it put a heavy strain on our marriage. It didn’t make any sense to me at the time, and I still have trouble completely wrapping my head around it, but it seemed like he wanted to go back to Iraq. So much so that by 2009 he took a job as a contractor with the Department of Defense and deployed to Afghanistan for almost all of the next three years. We had three children by that time, and all four of us missed him terribly. We only got to see him once a year when he came home on leave. I remember the children opening Christmas presents on Skype one year as my husband watched from a bunker in Afghanistan. We all started crying when he had to go. It was a very difficult day, to say the least.

I am going to have to wrap this up because I have rambled on long enough, I think. I cannot cover everything that happened from 1996 to 2012, but I think I hit the major milestones. During those three years in Afghanistan, which ended in February of 2012 when he came home for good, he further aggravated his back injury. Not only that, he sustained more injuries; one of the most detrimental to his health at the present time is his Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) caused by multiple mortar explosion concussions. He also suffers from PTSD, anxiety, panic attacks, nightmares, insomnia, depression, nerve damage in both legs, and hearing loss. This looks like a lot typing it out, but I know that it is a short list compared to some others. Regardless, this brings us to the present day, and I find myself living the life of a veteran caregiver. Thank you for taking the time to read how I got here.

~ Kristine C. (Veteran Caregiver)

           

Alaska is Calling

With registration right around the corner, I have to take this opportunity to let everyone know about Samaritan’s Purse and Operation Heal Our Patriots. For those of you who have never heard of this, I am so glad to be able to tell you about it now. For those of you that have been a part of Operation Heal Our Patriots, you know full well how wonderful and joyous this opportunity is for our military veterans and their spouses/veteran caregivers.

Before I tell you about our own personal experience in Alaska, I will take the time now to let you know what the Samaritan’s Purse website says about it:

“Operation Heal Our Patriots gives wounded veterans and their spouses the opportunity for spiritual refreshment, physical renewal, and marriage enrichment. Couples participate in Biblically based seminars that help strengthen their relationships with God and others and enjoy the beauty of God’s creation with outdoor activities at our Alaskan wilderness lodge. We continue to support these men and women after their initial stay, keeping their spiritual needs and marriages a priority.”

This depiction is merely the tip of the proverbial iceberg. This retreat to the Alaskan wilderness not only enriches your life, it also strengthens your marriage and brings you closer to God as a couple. While the seminars mentioned above are important, they make up such a small part of the entire experience. I would like to relate the experience that my husband and I had when we were selected to go to Alaska on the week-long, all-expenses-paid, trip of a lifetime. It is an experience that neither one of us will ever forget.

While I cannot tell you everything that goes on during this trip to Alaska (I wouldn’t want to ruin any of the surprises for anyone), I can give you an idea of how wonderful this trip really is. Allow me to start with the accommodations. The area where you will be staying is at the edge of a beautiful lake, surrounded by trees, and with beautiful snow-covered mountains as your backdrop. Each couple gets their own private log cabin for the week, and these cabins are connected via wooden walkways that meander through a beautifully maintained landscape. It is literally a picture of peace and relaxation! There is also a large building nestled among the trees that serves as a meeting place and dining hall for all of the couples. You will be served some of the most delicious and well-prepared meals that you have ever eaten here. Make no mistakes about it, the on-site chefs hold nothing back when preparing lavish meals for their honored guests, so please don’t go with any ideas of losing weight during your stay here.

                 

Each day offers an assortment of activities that you can do as a couple. There are plenty of knowledgeable and experienced guides on-hand so that couples have the opportunity to choose where they want to spend their days. There are hiking trips up a mountain to a secluded spot of such beauty that you will not want to leave. Cascading waterfalls provide a backdrop to a relaxing afternoon of picture taking, fly fishing, or even just relaxing in a hammock. You and your spouse could choose to spend the day on a nature reserve, where a guide will take you on a relaxing walk across well-maintained paths where you can experience the glory of the Alaskan wilderness… especially when you reach the falls where you can watch the native bears catching salmon right in front of you. There are various day fishing trips to choose from while you are there as well. Whether you want to take a floatplane to a secluded lake in the middle of nowhere to fish for Alaskan Pike, or take a chartered fishing boat along the nearby lake and rivers for some fishing and sightseeing, you will not be disappointed. I can tell you now that my husband didn’t even like to fish, until he fished in Alaska. It was some of the most fun that we have ever had.

  

There are other activities as well, such as some shorter hikes, archery, kayaking, etc… but you never once feel forced into participating in anything if you do not want to. If you and your spouse want to take a day to stay back from the activities, you can. Spend a quiet afternoon enjoying what the surrounding area has to offer. You can spend time at the lodge playing game, walking the rocky shores of the beach, or even take an afternoon nap in your cabin if you choose to do so. As the sun sets and the chill of the evening sets in, there is a huge bonfire nightly for everyone to enjoy, as well as couple’s saunas, where you can sweat out the aches from your hike with your spouse in the privacy of your own sauna cabin.

  

There is so much more that I could tell you about how fantastic the trip is, how amazing the people are, and how it has changed our lives for the better, but I would rather you experience it for yourself. This trip runs for sixteen weeks every year, with 10 couples participating each week. You could be one of those 160 couples this year... but only if you apply! Samaritan’s Purse will begin accepting applications this year on February 1st, 2022. My husband and I were not selected the first year that we applied, but we applied again the following year and got to go on the trip of a lifetime. Please, I urge you to go to the following site and apply on the first of February: https://www.samaritanspurse.org/education-2/ohop-application/

           

I can assure you that you will not be sorry that you did. For most of us, this trip is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to visit Alaska, and this trip allows you to do it for free! You will never see such beauty, feel so relaxed, or sleep as well as you will on this Alaska retreat. I will be praying that you get selected!

~ Kristine C. (Veteran Caregiver)

Caring for the Caregiver

Like many other caregivers, it was my job to take care of the day-to-day necessities while my husband was still on active duty. This was mainly because he was never around in order to be able to take care of these things. He was always gone before the sun came up, home after it went down, and that was when he wasn’t in the field for training or on one of his many deployments overseas. I spent most days alone with my children, making sure that the bills were paid, there was food on the table, clothes were clean, etc… I spent many nights longing for my husband to be home with me while he was deployed to Kuwait, Iraq, or Afghanistan. 

Then came the day that he was…

After his injuries and subsequent medical discharge from active duty, my husband was home with me every day and every night. I know that there is a period of adjustment for the soldier coming home from deployments, as well as an entire life adjustment when they are discharged from the military, but what most people don’t realize is that there is a huge adjustment for spouses and caregivers as well. Did I miss him when he was gone? Of course, I did! Is it great having him safe at home with me? Absolutely! Does being with him (and taking care of him) 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year get to be a lot to handle? The answer to this question is also a resounding yes!

Early on, I was so focused on being there for my husband’s needs all of the time that I put my wants and needs on the back burner. I didn’t complain, and I didn’t mind. I did it out of love and compassion, and I knew that he needed me more than he ever had before. What I didn’t realize, though, was that I was burning myself out. I wasn’t taking any time for myself to recharge my batteries so that I could continue to be an effective Veteran Caregiver. I quickly learned that I needed some help. So I began to look for it.

I didn’t have to look too far, especially since I was still lucky enough to be living near a military base, as well as an entire military community. I was able to find an actual Caregiver Peer Support Group that met every Wednesday for lunch at the Fisher House on post. Getting out of the house and spending time with a group of people that knew exactly what I was going through was a huge blessing for me. Even if it was only once a week, it was something that I could use to vent and blow off steam, as well as learn from others and lend my knowledge and support. I quickly became a volunteer at the Fisher House as well, which allowed me to help give back to a service that was doing so much for our military and our veterans. Of course, one of the greatest takeaways from this group was the friendships that I have formed.

From this group, I learned of so many other forms of support that were available to Veteran Caregivers and their disabled spouses. I found out about the Yellow Ribbon Fund, which has a program entitled the Keystone Program. This program is specifically dedicated to empowering caregivers and providing support for military caregivers around the country. I was also introduced to the Wounded Warrior Project. This organization is absolutely amazing and has helped so many families, to include my own. There is also Operation Homefront, an organization that has been such a blessing to my family and me. Without them, I honestly would have been homeless. Of course, that is a story for another blog. I am also a volunteer for Operation Homefront so that I can give back and help those that need it… just like I did.

I would be remiss if I failed to mention the Renewal Coalition. This organization not only provides so much assistance for wounded warriors and their families, they also host annual Caregiver Retreats in Jupiter, Florida. This trip is an all-expenses-paid retreat for veteran caregivers, giving them a place to get away from it all for a few days and enjoy being taken care of themselves. Some would even call it a well-deserved pampering!

There are still plenty of other resources and organizations out there that are specifically designed to support caregivers and their disabled warriors. I have to add, however, that I wouldn’t be able to participate in as many of these events and groups as I do if it were not for my amazing support group. My adult children have always been willing to step in and “hold down the fort” while I take the time to care for myself. This, in turn, makes me a far better caregiver for my husband, so I think that everyone wins!

Of course, I don’t always have to leave the house to get away and do something that I enjoy. I am blessed enough to have the room to have not one but two dedicated craft rooms at home. I am able to get lost in my crafting while still being there to take care of my husband when he needs me. I believe with all of my heart that our success as a couple comes from a strong faith in God, good communication, and having hobbies that allow us to get away from each other once in a while! =)

~ Kristine C. (Veteran Caregiver)

Links:

Fort Campbell Army Fisher House

Yellow Ribbon Fund: Keystone Program

Wounded Warrior Project

Operation Homefront

Renewal Coalition

Medication Dispensation

As a caregiver for a disabled veteran, I have learned the importance of properly dispensing medication. Veterans, especially those suffering from Traumatic Brain Injuries (TBI’s), are prone to forget their medication unless they have someone there to remind them. With that being said, even having someone there to remind you to take your medication is not without its challenges. I am sure that I am not the only caregiver who has had their counter looking like the picture here:

I know that my husband has been on so many different medications over the years, without a comprehensive list, it is nearly impossible to keep up with them all. Ensuring that he is taking all of the correct pills at the correct times is essential for his well-being, as well as my own. This jumble of pill bottles is enough to drive any caregiver crazy. I knew that I had to get organized if I was going to clear this mess up.

I tried a variety of pill dispensers to hold my husband’s pills. There are a lot of dispensers out there that just do not have enough slots for someone who must take medication more than twice a day. Oh sure, an AM / PM pill dispenser is fine for most people, but typically not our veterans. Pills to help with anxiety, anger, diabetes, memory issues, PTSD, depression, pain, sleep, etc… start to add up fast. I needed something that had at least four slots per day and could hold a decent amount of pills.

After finding a pill dispenser that actually had enough slots for my husband’s medication regiment, I quickly realized that it was not going to be enough. Having to go through all of the bottles, and making sure that the dispenser was filled before I went to bed each night got old quick. I needed something bigger and better… and that’s when the VA provided an answer! 

I just happened to mention, to my husband’s primary care provider at the VA clinic, that I was trying to find a pill dispenser that was well suited for my husband’s medication. To my surprise, the VA issued my husband this:

This pill caddy has been such a blessing to me. I am able to sit down and fill a month’s worth of 4-slot containers at one time. This makes it so easy to track all of my husband’s medication. There is even a built-in clock, with four separate alarms, that you can set for the different medications. This is one tool that has definitely made my job as a caregiver so much easier. If you do not have one of these, or something like it, I highly recommend talking to your veteran’s primary care provider to get one.

There are a few other things regarding medication that I would like to add for those of you reading this that may not know. You can go to My HealtheVet, and your veteran can create an account. This will allow the veteran and the caregiver to track which medications the veteran is on, and it also allows for online reordering of all of their meds. With just a few mouse clicks, the medication will be on its way to your mailbox. The website is https://www.myhealth.va.gov. I hope that this helps some caregivers and veterans out there.

There is also a good phone number that you can call that gives you another way to get your prescriptions refilled quickly. You simply enter the prescription number from the bottle into the phone’s number pad, and the medication will automatically be refilled and sent to your home. The phone number for this service is:1(866)786-9367.

I hope that this has been somewhat informative for someone out there. If this just helps one caregiver with managing their veteran’s medication, it is all worth it. God bless!

~ Kristine C.~ Veteran Caregiver

What's your favorite tip for managing medication?