USA Hockey/The North Carolina Warriors

Cam Ward's Helmet

My husband, Donald, loves hockey, he's from HockeyTown USA. He is a die hard Detroit Red Wings fan, and wanted nothing else but to play goaltender for his own team.

He was injured in Baghdad in a car bomb on his way to an elementary school and lost his right eye in the blast. One evening while playing Texas Holdem at the Malone House a woman named Anne Moore came over and asked if anyone wanted to go to a Washington Capitals game. Donald, a few other guys, and I accepted. During the game, Anne asked the guys if they played hockey and wanted to get back into it.

Of course Donald wanted to get back into Hockey! He played in high school, and would have loved to play again. Anne had found some people to donate equipment, the local rink was kind enough to donate ice time for the guys to go skate around and have a good time, they called themselves The USA Warriors. Donald was the goalie, the "One Eyed Goalie". They played with some geriatric teams and some Senior Citizen teams around the DC area. Eventually others joined in, including a man who skated on a prosthetic leg.

After a few months the Washington Capitals heard about them and asked the guys if they would like to do a bowling event for free, they got to bowl and hang out with the Caps players like Olaf Kolzig, Matt Bradly, and Alex Ovechkin.

Drew Hill & Donald Urbany

Things died down for the guys, and they really didn't do much more after that. But then Donald got a
call from a guy named Drew Hill. Anne had given him Donald's number, and Drew wanted to get as much of the original players back together as possible. Drew, who is now considered family to us, then became the foundation of USA Hockey. USA Hockey, spread like wildfire. Warrior teams were popping up all over the country.

After my husband got his medical retirement from the Army we moved to North Carolina. Once we got here, he looked around for some "beer league" teams to play on. He found the Tropical Depressions in Hillsborough, NC. He played in that league for years. He was once again the "one eyed goalie". After games, he would pull off his goalie mask and people who didn't know him would be like "WHOAH THAT GOALIE ONLY HAS ONE EYE!", shocked because Donald is a pretty good goaltender, even with only having one eye. After the games they would hang out have a few beers and the guys would inquire about what it was like to only have one eye and play goalie. Most were in disbelief that he could play so well, and only see half the ice.

One day Donald received a phone call, and his face just changed. Of course, with my nosy personality I start mouthing, "Who is it?", "Who called you?", "What's going on?"! Of course he keeps trying to move away from me mouthing "Hold on!" and giving me the "just a minute" finger.

Donald gets off the phone and his jaw was on the floor, and I'm like "WELL WHAT HAPPENED??". He calmly looks at me and said, "That was...the USA Warriors...and they want me to come play goalie for them in Dallas". So I'm like "What are you talking about USA Warriors? We left that behind years ago, how is that possible...What? I'm so confused.".

Brian, Donald, Jeremy, and Travis

Donald played with the USA Warriors a few times, here and there at big events when they needed a goaltender, but he lost that real bond of veterans, hockey, and veterans who love hockey. That one year a week was great, but what about the rest of the year?

So one day a few months ago Donald fell down the FB hole. You know when you're looking at something then something else catches your attention, then something else, then something else, so on and so forth? He found a page with a post by a guy named Travis Harris (now the president/captian) who was also a veteran who loved hockey and he wanted to start a Warrior team for North Carolina. Donald reached out and told him about himself, and Drew.

And it started...

Very First NC Warriors Practice

Word got out! These guys, these veterans, these hockey players, these hockey loving, hockey playing veterans started pouring in from all over the Carolinas and Tennessee too! Donald's dream was coming true! He is the goaltender for his very own Veteran Warriors hockey team! Again, he is the one eyed goalie!  The guy that when he takes his mask off the other team says "Whoa, that guy only has one eye!"!

Cam Ward and Donald

Someone even had connections to Cam Ward, former goaltender for the Carolina Hurricanes, and he
donated one of his personal masks that he played on the ice with to Donald and the whole team chipped in and had it personalized for Donald.

They hype, the excitement, it's all coming back!

So far the Carolina Warriors have had 3 games, and 4 practices. Love and support keeps flowing in from fundraising by the team and on FB so they are able to buy ice time to have their games and their practices.

Hurricanes Summerfest

The Carolina Hurricanes gave them a booth at Summerfest to promote themselves and their first game, because of that their first game was a huge success and had a major turnout.

On September 28th they had 2 more games, "The Battle at Center Ice". The Beltway Warriors came down from Maryland, DC, and Virginia to play in their first ever Warrior event, the NC Warriors won 7 -6, Their first win as a team! Then Sunday September 29th the team had another booth at the Caniac Carnival again to promote their team, then after we attended the Capitals v. Canes preseason game.

Come the first week in October the North Carolina Warriors will be flying out to Vegas to play in the USA Hockey Warriors Tournament.

What is one of the best parts of this Hockey team is, that they are more than just a Hockey team. They are also a 501(c)3 nonprofit. They want to be able to help and support other veterans in their time of need.

Fellow hockey Wife Nikki Harris and Me

So far, the friendships, bonds, and mutual love of hockey has done amazing things in these guys lives. Donald has made new friends, I have made new friends with wives and girl friends, and the kids have even made friends with other children of players on the teams. This is more than a group of veterans getting together twice a month to play hockey. This is a family. This is our family.

My heart overflows with happiness when I see these veterans on the ice. I am so proud of what they have all accomplished, and how far they have come. I am a proud Army Wife, Veteran Wife, and Hockey Wife.

50 First Conversations

There are many aspects to my husband’s injuries from war that gave us a wide learning curve since we were neither clearly nor directly informed of the many nuances that would haunt him from his time in war. It took us time to understand what Post Traumatic Stress Disorder was, how it was affecting him, what it looked like and what we should call things. Was he having an anxiety attack? Should we call it a panic attack instead? Do we understand what his triggers are? Can we identify and resolve his triggers? Do we understand the difference between internal and external triggers? If so, do we know how to appropriately address each category respectively? Oh, did you catch what a trigger is? When are we being patient and helping him through? When are we enabling and need to give space instead for him to rebuild?

There are so many questions, so much to learn and all while you are supposed to be lowering the stress level in your home to create an environment conducive to healing. It can be daunting for any family trying to heal and some days just trying to survive with this entirely new layer to drape over an already busy life.

Then you add into the mix a Traumatic Brain Injury that affects his ability to balance, to focus, to recall new information, and the effects on his short-term and long-term memories. In real life I do not tackle all these issues at once because of the overwhelming weight it would unleash on us. I take it one day at a time, one thing at a time, one step at a time. A deep breath in…a deep breath out…then one more step.

So here likewise I will address one thing.

The journey that has been, living with someone who has short-term memory loss. Before we even knew my husband had a TBI, the consequences of the lack of short-term memory were common in our lives. I would get so frustrated that he could never remember the things I had just told him, the things we needed. You can imagine my embarrassment when the diagnosis came to us that his TBI was causing his inability to form consistent short-term memories.

I realized some more patience was in order, memory aides, and a willingness to have the same conversation over and over again, even if it was 50 times (and sometimes it has been that many). One thing that I have been very grateful for is that my husband always agrees with himself. If a decision needs to be made and we discuss it and reach that decision, often he forgets the conversation and agreement entirely. So, we have that conversation again, and again, and again, as often as he needs. Thankfully, each time it is the exact same conversation and so the same agreement is always reached. This fact does provide me relief in knowing we can move forward with our decisions, even if the dialogue to get to that decision is on a loop for at least a little while.

I am also grateful that my husband chooses to take a humorous approach to this phenomenon in our lives. He is the first one with a joke when his memory trips him up. His favorite is to let people know, not to feel bad for him in his memory loss, he gets to meet new people every day, movies never get old, and jokes always make him laugh like it was the first time he heard them.

I hope everyone who is dealing with injuries are able to breathe and take things one day at a time, one step at a time, one thing at a time. This can be a tough order to fill in a society where we are so time poor and there is so much clamoring for our attention. It can mean trade-offs, forgiving others for not understanding and forgiving yourself for not getting as much done as you think you should.

I hope we remember to support each other as one of the most difficult things with injuries is that they don’t look the same for everyone. There is certainly overlap and commonality in PTSD and TBI from one to another but there is also variation unique to one’s specific experiences, injuries and even personality. They are all valid, each deserving of support, patience, understanding and time to heal in the way that is best suited for the induvial and each family.

So, remember, breath in…breathe out…take it one step at a time and if it suits your journey throw in some humor, it can make even the roughest of moments a treasured memory.
  
A Spouse & Caregiver to a U.S.M.C. Veteran

The United States Army Values- Instilled for Life

Many people know what the words Loyalty, Duty, Honor, Integrity, Respect, Selfless Service and Personal Courage mean but how often do you see someone actually live up to them? Our soldiers in the United States Army learn these values in detail during basic combat training. In my case, it was back in 1998 in Fort Sill, Oklahoma when I became a field artillery cannon crew member from then on, we live these words every day in everything we do weather we are on our job or off. 

In short, the 7 core army values listed below are what been a soldier is about:

Loyalty- bear the fate an allegiance to the US constitution, the army, your unit and other soldiers. Bearing the faith and allegiance is a matter of believing in the bolting and devoting yourself to something or someone a loyal soldier is one who supports the leadership and stand up for fellow soldiers.

Duty- fulfill your obligations.  Doing your duty means more than carrying out you're assigned test, duty means being able to accomplish task as part of a team.

Respect- treat People as they should be treated in the soldier’s code, we pledge to treat others with dignity and respect while expecting others to do the same.

Selfless service- put the welfare of the nation the army and your subordinates before your own.  Selfless service is larger than just one person it is serving your country, because you are doing your duty loyally without of recognition or gain.

Honor- live up to army values integrity do what's right legally and morally.

Integrity- do what is right, legally and moral. It requires that you do and says nothing that deceives others.

Personal courage- face fear, danger or adversity (physical or moral) personal courage has long been associated with our army .


During my most recent participation in the blind rehabilitation program at Hinds VA hospital in Chicago, IL, I was able to make many new friends. Among those friends was a particular young Soldier name Brian , a young blood in a very particular health situation. His eyes where developing a serious, very rare, and genetical optical degenerating disorder that at just 21 years old, was already to far on its degenerative process for him to keep hiding those symptoms that was bothering and frightening him so much. He was realizing his vision was going away …

Thank God that he was a soldier in the U.S. Army when this happened, because for that reason he was getting rehabilitation at the Hinds VA Blind Rehab center, the same time I was also getting trained.

We made a great connection because we speak the same language. He was from Puerto Rico, so we stuck together. In my own personal experience, I had already lived in this situation for the last 14 years.

My personal road to recovery has not been an easy one… too many serious injuries, without even considering the blindness. Like many others, I had to endure and have personal courage under fire, even more so now during this long agonizing recovery process.

I was set to show my brother in arms how its been for me during this long 15 years of blindness so he could have an idea on how things may be for him once he loses more of his vision. Not that he was shy at all, he asked questions and was amazed at how it is possible to have a life after losing your sight. He is just 21, the same age of my oldest daughter, and everybody in the program noticed how young he was.

We had all types of ages at that particular program, but mostly soldiers from another war time era like Vietnam, the second World War, and Korea. There weren’t many from Operation Iraqi Freedom and Afghanistan, only like four of us, but ages ranged from 30 all the way up to a 92 year-old World War II veteran that was taking the training with us.

My young friend was recruited by the U.S. Army right after finishing high school because he was so clear on his intentions of serving his country. At that time there where no signals of his degenerative congenital liber disease, that was now taking a big toll out of his eyes.

About to finish the first month of training, we were already inseparable! Because he has more vision than I do, we complemented and supported one another. One day, we decided we would like to venture around inside the hospital to try the main cafeteria for lunch. After a long walk through the Hinds VA Chicago hospital, we reached the main cafeteria, a completely unknown territory for us since we have our own place to eat and food prepared where we were staying. He was actually guiding me through the big cafeteria place, and we were completely lost. Both of us stumbled from one cashier to another until we hit a potato chip stand almost to the floor… enough to see for a retired First Sergeant with more than 20 years of service that is now working within the VA system as the maintenance manager for the entire hospital. We are going to call him Benjie, short for Benjamin.

“Hello, what are you looking for and how can I help?” B

By that time, we already noticed a strong Latin Puerto Rican accent, and we thought Hmmm, this is one of our own! Little did we know about his military background that he would soon share with us. We told him we were looking for something to eat but we did not know what was available. He helped to guide us through the whole menu and different stations until we decided on a wrap. He virtually brought us to the right line. On the walk, we were already communicating in our own language and knew he was a retired veteran.

“Ok, we are good now, thank you” I explained as I was trying to find my wallet. We did not need any money or wallet while we were at the center, so yes… we both had forgotten them, money and all. Laughing about ourselves and how foolish we may be looking at that time, we decided to just go back the long way through the hospital hall. Benjie had another plan, he wanted to pay for our lunch!!

“No way, there is no need for you to do that! We can go back and return. We appreciate it but no.”

There where nothing on this earth and heaven that could make him change his mind up to the point that we have to allow him to do it. And that’s how we met Benjie. From that day on, he was a constant figure in our training while we stayed at Hinds VA hospital.

He was so proud of us that it become a norm for him to show up at the end of the day or during his workday just to say hello or to introduce us to someone. He wanted everyone to see, Latino wounded veterans trying to overcome our reality after a traumatic injury, in my case on the line of duty.

So, if it was not in person, it was over the phone how this retired first sergeant was actually taking care of us, probably in the same way that I was trying to take care of Brian. In one opportunity during a weekend, he picked us up at the hospital and took us to visit a park where there was a very strong Puerto Rican presence and then to dinner at a very nice Puerto Rican restaurant.


And that is when it hit me- how our army values were present on each and every step we make, on each and every intention we had and how they transcend the generational barriers. Please let me know were you able to identify the army values in the details of this story?

Loyalty.
Duty.
Honor.
Integrity.
Respect.
Selfless Service
Personal Courage

The Army has always had values, dating back to Baron von Steuben at Valley Forge in 1778 when he established those attributes and traits that an NCO should have. The values apply to every soldier who wears the uniform, from E-1 through O-10, Active, Guard, and Reserve. Army Chief of Staff General Mark A. Miley will live by the same set of values that he expects every private to live by, and I'll do the same. The Army values are leadership; leadership is Army values.

Spc. Hugo Gonzalez, U.S. Army Veteran (Retired)