There are so many questions, so much to learn and all while you are supposed to be lowering the stress level in your home to create an environment conducive to healing. It can be daunting for any family trying to heal and some days just trying to survive with this entirely new layer to drape over an already busy life.
Then you add into the mix a Traumatic Brain Injury that affects his ability to balance, to focus, to recall new information, and the effects on his short-term and long-term memories. In real life I do not tackle all these issues at once because of the overwhelming weight it would unleash on us. I take it one day at a time, one thing at a time, one step at a time. A deep breath in…a deep breath out…then one more step.
So here likewise I will address one thing.
The journey that has been, living with someone who has short-term memory loss. Before we even knew my husband had a TBI, the consequences of the lack of short-term memory were common in our lives. I would get so frustrated that he could never remember the things I had just told him, the things we needed. You can imagine my embarrassment when the diagnosis came to us that his TBI was causing his inability to form consistent short-term memories.
I realized some more patience was in order, memory aides, and a willingness to have the same conversation over and over again, even if it was 50 times (and sometimes it has been that many). One thing that I have been very grateful for is that my husband always agrees with himself. If a decision needs to be made and we discuss it and reach that decision, often he forgets the conversation and agreement entirely. So, we have that conversation again, and again, and again, as often as he needs. Thankfully, each time it is the exact same conversation and so the same agreement is always reached. This fact does provide me relief in knowing we can move forward with our decisions, even if the dialogue to get to that decision is on a loop for at least a little while.
I am also grateful that my husband chooses to take a humorous approach to this phenomenon in our lives. He is the first one with a joke when his memory trips him up. His favorite is to let people know, not to feel bad for him in his memory loss, he gets to meet new people every day, movies never get old, and jokes always make him laugh like it was the first time he heard them.
I hope everyone who is dealing with injuries are able to breathe and take things one day at a time, one step at a time, one thing at a time. This can be a tough order to fill in a society where we are so time poor and there is so much clamoring for our attention. It can mean trade-offs, forgiving others for not understanding and forgiving yourself for not getting as much done as you think you should.
I hope we remember to support each other as one of the most difficult things with injuries is that they don’t look the same for everyone. There is certainly overlap and commonality in PTSD and TBI from one to another but there is also variation unique to one’s specific experiences, injuries and even personality. They are all valid, each deserving of support, patience, understanding and time to heal in the way that is best suited for the induvial and each family.
So, remember, breath in…breathe out…take it one step at a time and if it suits your journey throw in some humor, it can make even the roughest of moments a treasured memory.
A Spouse & Caregiver to a U.S.M.C. Veteran
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