Ashlee Williams - We Survived

Six years.  That’s how long I’ve had the title of “caregiver” for my husband.  You see, the “wife” title has always been an easy one for me.  I took the vow for better or for worse.  Only my vows didn’t include the part where my husband might step on an IED overseas and lose three of his limbs.  Our whole lives were changed in an instant but those vows were a promise that I would not forsake him even in the worst of times which gloomed heavily over us as we slowly began to realize that our normal little family of three would never be normal again. 

Our six year-old daughter was 11 months old when J.D. was injured.  She only knows her Daddy and his “nubbies” (her reference to his amputated legs/arm). Prosthetics and wheelchairs are a major part of her life. Wheelchair rides, consistent stares, chatter, and the random “thank you for your service” from strangers are gestures that she has grown to expect.   These things are normal to her so I frequently have to ask myself , “When will I be satisfied with the idea that this is now apart of my “normal” life as well? 

A couple of weeks ago, we tagged along with my siblings and their families to Orlando, Florida.  I’ve spent a great deal of time forcing my family to understand the realities that we deal with on a daily basis.  No matter how much you explain something to someone, no one really understands unless they have been through the experience.  This became quite clear to me upon trying to have an enjoyable family experience at Universal Studios.  I pride myself on trying to plan ahead for my husband’s accessibilities but this time… It was a complete and utter failure for me.  After being humiliated at the first couple of rides by being told “No ma’am, I’m sorry, we can’t let your husband on this ride,” I quickly began to lose every ounce of sanity within me and the wrath of a scorned wife started to show itself.  I understand there are rules and regulations put into place because of safety but we weren’t trying to get on the roller coasters people! We were going for rides like “The Simpsons” where everything is virtual and you barely move in your seat!  First, the ride attendant would need to get their team lead, then my anger would come out and next, the tears.  The tears of frustration that I just want to have ONE normal day with my family, is that too much to ask!? 

YES. The answer is yes.  My life will never be normal again.  And, I’m okay with that.  It took me standing up and fighting for my husband that day too to ensure that my family didn’t waste the $300+ spent on tickets.  Truth is, I can not think of one time in my life that he has sat back and been quiet when he begins to see my “caregiver stress.”  He never lets his injuries affect his ability to do something and doesn’t take “No” for an answer easily.  When I am completely up to my head in stress because the VA doesn’t understand that a WORKING wheelchair is necessary because it is HIS LEGS, he is in the garage pulling out the “In Case of Emergency” manual chair because he refuses to be handicapped. 

Through all of the obstacles, we made our family vacation the best.  We survived the terrorist attack on the nightclub that happened 20 minutes from us the night we arrived. We survived the tragic story of the 2 year old getting pulled into the water by an alligator while we were only miles away. We survived two days of the trip with a fried power wheelchair from the unexpected torrential downpour of rain we were caught in.  And most of all, we survived the PTSD that could have easily ruined our vacation because of these tragic events.  We survived the tears I shed and were able to get on several rides at Universal because of them.  We survived the numerous people that stopped us in the heat of the day with a simple “Thank you, sir”  and my husband’s quick response that I’m the hero of the family as he always responds.  We survived to advise our amputee friends that maybe visiting Disney World would be more accessible the Universal Studios.  We survived.

We survived because that is what family does, even the abnormal ones.  At my weakest moments when everything is falling apart around me, the one that depends on me the most cares for me and nurtures me.  He encouraged me to begin working for the Heroes Thanking Heroes program three years ago when I was beyond depressed from not taking time out for myself.  Three years later, I have worked my way up to a team lead position and truly enjoy the work I do and the motivation it gives me to help other veterans.  We haven’t just survived, we have grown into our new life.  And, he says I’m the hero.

Jennifer Urbany - Take Me Out to The Ball Game

Before my husband joined the Army he was a young man with no direction. But he knew one thing he LOVED baseball. Baseball was his life, he was an all American in little league, he was a switch hitter, he was a short stop, and third baseman. He was also always first round draft pick in his little league in Michigan, which meant the worst teams always picked him first. For him that was unacceptable, all he knew was he was the best, and he felt he deserved to be on the best teams. It never occurred to him that he had the power to make whatever team he was on the best team. He always says if there was one thing he could do over it would be baseball. But I quickly remind him that if he were to do that, he wouldn’t have had me or our 4 boys. So things happen the way they are supposed to happen.

We live in North Carolina, close to Burlington, and we were given tickets to the local A league rookie ballgame. Sports is something we have always bonded over, we collect sports memorabilia and try to go to as many sporting events our budget allows, so we are always extremely grateful and excited when we get free tickets. Especially hockey, or baseball. We loaded our clan up and headed to the ball game, the boys were excited, my husband was excited, and I was excited.

Being married to a veteran with invisible injuries like a TBI and PTSD can be very unpredictable. I don’t know if I am interacting with Bruce Banner or the Hulk, and if it’s the hulk, the smallest detail is enough to make him go green. Knowing that my husband loves baseball, I was prepared to keep the kids close to me and make sure they didn’t bother him as much as possible so he could enjoy the game he loved so much. But to my surprise it was me who ended up sitting in the bleachers the whole game with our baby watching most of the game! My husband was off with the older boys, running around the ball park! He was buying them ice cream in souvenir baseball hats, cotton candy, and playing with them in the bouncy houses. He was taking pictures with the mascot Bingo and standing down by the first base line trying to catch foul balls. Every time he was close enough to hear me I would ask if he was ok, and his response was always, “Yes! I’m having a blast!”. During the 7^th inning stretch they all came back to sing “Take Me Out to The Ball Game”, and my husband showed the boys how to shell peanuts and throw the mess on the ground. My heart was so happy, it was like in this evening at the ball park, his injuries didn’t exist. He was a “normal” dad having a good time with his sons.

After the game there were fireworks, and we received 5 free tickets to another game, one of the players even gave our oldest a game ball. The 15-minute ride home was quiet, all the boys fell asleep they were exhausted from all the fun and excitement from the evening. And I was just so overjoyed that everyone had such a fun and “normal” time.

Hugo Gonzalez - A Glorious Day for all American veterans

Sitting at the table, the Cuban empanadas and the ham croquets were coming from all angles, the name of the venue is The Larios Restaurant that belongs to Miami royalty and music moguls Emilio and Gloria Stefan on the prestigious Ocean Drive, in South Beach Miami, Florida.

What’s the occasion? We are here to honor three wounded veterans and their families with the presentation of three mortgage free homes. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity that will allow our veterans to continue with their recovery and rebuild themselves and their lives without the burden of a costly mortgage.

It was a glorious day for all the veterans who were in attendance. And what a surprise it was that Mr. Tony Orlando made an appearance, and everyone joined him in singing one of his most famous songs, “TIE A YELLOW RIBBON ON THE OLD OAK TREE “.  I’ve heard the song before, but now hear it as a wounded American veteran, it has more meaning to me.

Also at this event, I along with four other wounded veterans got presented with one of the greatest honors presented by the Florida Veteran’s Foundation Commander Dennis O. Baker, and Florida governor the Honorable Rick Scott. A brick with my name and rank in the Tallahassee Florida’s Veteran’s Walk of Honor to be forever remembered for my service to our great nation.

Florida is our most military friendly state and it was such an honor to be around other Floridians who are committed to supporting our veterans.

As Floridians and Americans, we are blessed with opportunity of freedom because of the selfless service of the brave service men and women whose lives we celebrated today, and every day.

This importance of this piece is not about receiving one of Florida’s highest veteran recognitions, because I could show you a list of wounded veterans probably more deserving than I am. But while extending my hand and receiving this honor, I believe I am showing other veteran’s that the possibilities are endless. That we can rehabilitate and rebuild from the past obstacles that were in our way.

As a nation, what I hope you get from this, is knowing everyone can have a hand in working together in the recovery process for more of our veterans and their families. We can help secure leadership and the code of chivalry that differentiates our military values. Not only being a great role model for our youth but also an incentive of excellence to our active duty military. Helping to rehabilitated our wounded veterans that are still looking to serve our country one way or another. 

Hugo Gonzalez - Sunday, Bloody Sunday

In June 2005, a year after I got injured in Iraq, and during the process of my recovery, I was offered a part in the academy award winning documentary “No End in Sight”. In the middle of my interview I expressed interest in a round trip ticket to Baghdad, Iraq with my family. The purpose would be to tell my wife and my children where I got hurt, and how my sacrifice helped liberate that country. 

It’s been 11 years…and we have still not seen the end of this terror, it feels like there is no end in sight. Last Sunday, June 12, 2016 I was woken up by an unexpected call on my wife’s cell phone from a family member. We didn’t get to the phone in time to answer, but the phone rang again, and the calls kept coming in. My family was calling to check in on me, to make sure I was ok and making sure I wasn’t having an attack of PTSD after what had just happened. 

But what happened? I hadn’t had a chance to turned on my T.V and check the news. 

There was a terrorist attack in my home town. A man claiming to be a part of a terrorist group went into a night club, shot and killed 50 people and wounding 50+ more. Now you’re thinking, “why would people be calling YOU to make sure YOU’RE ok, you weren’t at that club…” but I live right down the street from the shooter in Port Lucie, FL. I almost lost my life at the hands of terrorists in their country, now not only are they in MY country, they are in MY state, MY safe haven, MY cocoon from in the fast paced metropolitan area of Orlando, FL. How could this even happen? Why did this happen?

This past Sunday, June 12, 2016 will be remembered in the pages of our modern American history as the day where we learned and understood that in the tentacles of terror, we are all equal. 

There is no way to understand how frustrating it is for a veteran. Seeing the sacrifices of your brothers and sisters in arms all being made in vain. My heart was broken. On Sunday afternoon I gathered my children around our flag pole in our yard and I had to explain why I had our flag flying at half-staff and the truth be told, so was my heart.

This is a moment of reflection and a moment of unification but also, a moment of vigilance and strength! Let’s not be deceived by our enemies! Let us not let them use our values and beliefs against us! Let’s stand strong together! As one America, the great and wonderful country that we are! Let us fight back, and show these radical Islamic terrorists that they’ve messed with the wrong country! 

Our country, the Great United States of America was founded on freedom. Freedom of speech, freedom of press, freedom of religion. Not one thought or one belief is better than another in this country, and when you think your freedoms are more important and infringe on my freedoms, that’s when things get “radicalized”. That’s when things get out of control and people get hurt. That’s when hate and intolerance build up in our hearts, and things like Sunday morning happen more frequently. 

This is the land of the free, and the home of the brave. This country stands for freedom, this country stands for tolerance, this country was founded as a land where everyone can live together and believe what they want to believe and the freedom to do it in peace. Sunday happened because one person took advantage of our freedoms. 

What he did was not what our forefathers had in mind when they wrote our constitution, what he did left our country submerged in sadness, pain and horror. 

But we, as American’s won’t let this keep us down. No sir. Sunday, bloody Sunday, will make us stronger and bring us closer together. We will fight for our rights and our freedoms. 

SPC Gonzales' flag at half-staff honoring the victims of Sunday's attack

Hugo Gonzalez - Duty, Honor, Country...

Like many of you or your loved ones reading this, I was wounded in action in the city of Baquba, Iraq during Operation Iraqi Freedom. Just the fact that we are alive and reading this blog should be the biggest blessing of our lives, we are still here to be a helpful tool or inspiration for others who may be struggling. The truth is, sometimes it is so hard for a wounded veteran to understand that blessings often appear to us in the form of pain, loss and disappointment. But if we have faith in whatever is good, and if we have patience, we will soon see all the good for what it really is.

Actually, you are probably looking at all of your blessings face to face, straight in the eye at this moment.  

For all of us past and present representatives of the Heroes Thanking Heroes Program of the Coalition to Salute America’s Heroes, the opportunity to work from home on our own schedule and still feel productive again is truly a blessing for us. I for one love to make my thank you calls and show my gratitude for the people who have been so generous to our organization so they may help veterans like me and my fellow colleagues. To hear the happiness in our donor’s voices when I say “Hello my name is Spc. Hugo Gonzales, and I’m calling from the Coalition to Salute America’s Heroes, just to say thank you.” Just warms my heart.

We have the greatest opportunity to visualize where we are and where we would like to be in our future. But we should never forget the effort and commitment of so many people that helped us when we needed it the most, and helped us get to where we are now. Our American Patriots that truly understand the value of our wounded veterans.

Many of you may agree with me, that the strength of this nation stands on our armed forces in the same way that the strength of our armed forces stands on the men and women who serve, but the strength of our veterans stand on our families. You read that correctly, it is our family that gives us strength.

Gonzales Family

When a service member goes to war, so does their family. Same with our injuries, when a veteran gets injured, the family as a whole is injured as well. Our families have been challenged and a lot of the time they rise to that challenge and take it with grace and honor. Our spouses, those steel magnolias, they have stood by our side and taken direct fire from us, the VA, and the DOD. In my opinion they deserve a lot of our gratitude and recognition.

That’s why I love being a part of this great organization. The Coalition to Salute America’s Heroes makes the time to fight for the Veteran’s cause and make sure the families are secure and taken care of. They make the opportunity available to work from home so our veterans and caregivers can work from home and earn a living while being physically present to care for their families. As long as a veteran’s family is secure, they will never fail.

I believe that each dollar that is invested in the recovery process of a wounded veteran is like a seed of success. Your generosity is planting a seed in nutritious soil of a skillful veteran. You are giving that veteran a chance to grow big and strong again. Like the tallest red wood that you would ever see. Your support is giving that veteran an opportunity to get out and be strong for the world to see, instead of them hiding and seeking shelter.

You see our veterans have a unique advantage, because of our military background and the foundation that has been tested under fire, we are very strong and very reliable. We become like iron forged into steel. That’s why we make the best employees and are so successful when we put our hearts and minds to it. We are the best for any business, and natural born leaders. We may seem young, most of us in our early 20’s but because of everything we have endured in our short lives, we are more like a person in their 40’s. The things we’ve seen and done can really pack on the years. Finding the courage to run into the gunfire than away from it takes and commitment and courage. Our willingness to serve and protect our country, our friends, our family, this is what makes us so wonderful and this country so great and strong.

For all of my brothers and sisters in uniform I just want to say thank you. From the bottom of my heart. I encourage you to stay strong, and know that you have tons of support.

We have a lot more to give, our life didn’t end with our injury. We are stronger, we are a new rare breed of American Veterans. We are ones making our families and this country proud.

Always remember Duty…Honor…Country.

Hugo Gonzalez - Seeing Through the Blindness

My name is Spc. Hugo Gonzalez and I am a legally blind wounded American Veteran.

Recently I was examined by a civilian ophthalmologist for an examination. After a brief good morning from the nurse, she put the medicine in my eyes for them to dilate and get ready for the doctor to come in. Shortly after the doctor comes in and goes to get a glance at the back of my eye and abruptly says, “my son, how did you do this to your eyes? What happened to you?!” I told him I was injured in a road side bomb in Iraq, the explosion happened so close to my head that a hot piece of shrapnel penetrated my left eye. That was the end of the conversation.

To say that my day begins when I wake up in the morning isn’t very accurate. I have to consider what kind of struggles I went through the night before just to fall asleep. I toss and turn, and have all sorts of roller coaster thoughts on various unrelated topics and situations that have happened days, months or even years ago. I lay awake thinking and analyzing how things happen, how things work, and how I would have preferred things to have happened including alternate endings to the most catastrophic thing that has happened to my family, my injury. By the time I realized I haven’t fallen asleep yet, the sun is starting to come through the window.  Then I start the day feeling guilty because I probably kept my wife awake with my constant movement and she needs to get up and get our children ready for school.  I must not succumb to the tiredness and push through the day…I have to keep pushing forward. After all, I am a soldier.

Because of my Visual impairment, I reject the glimpses of reality offered to me when I’m out and about, and because of the thickness of the macular hole that is on my left retina I can’t focus on anything that’s farther than three feet in front of me even with my good eye. My right eye sustained a complete optical neuropathy, which means the optical nerve was completely crushed. I am blind in my right eye. So the things that I can see at any distance are usually surreal reproductions or interpretations of what I remember of the world I love so much.

My physical injury may sound very traumatic but the truth is there is nothing worse or more severe than the symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress that I suffer from and that my family suffers from my blindness. I do the best that I can daily, and compensate accordingly, but PTSD is silent. Silent, and dangerous. How do you fight a silent predator that is waiting for the best opportunity to strike? There are times that it is impossible for me to concentrate on the task that I’m working on because all I can think of is the worst case scenario, or the worst things that have ever happened to me. Living in the past, and constantly reliving things in my head and not allowing my mind to come into the present. That’s just part of what I have to battle on a daily basis, and it puts strain on my family and myself because of how unpredictable that part of my injury can be.

The combination of my physical injury and my invisible injury can make things a hundred times more frustrating. It’s just not normal to be sitting at the dinner table and listening to your child tell you about how good her day was and all you can think about is how you are feeling at that very moment almost as if you’re standing on a bridge getting ready to bungee jump down. It doesn’t help that I can barely see her. It’s hard to not feel secluded and like you are drowning in your own misery.  Sometimes during the day, I have to go to a quiet place and do something like listen to music to try to relieve some of the pressure I feel. It’s like a buildup in me that just won’t go away. It’s very painful at times. Then I have to live with the guilty feeling that I’m pushing my loved ones away, that I leave them feeling like they did something to make me go away. But the truth is, it’s me and the monster that lives in my head, and the frustration of not being able to see their beautiful faces. I struggle to find way to communicate this with them so they understand how I’m feeling but I can’t.

This all may sound very sad, hard to read, and difficult to understand, but I am hardly sad. I believe that God has been with me every step of the way. As you can see from the picture, I have felt his presence since the beginning. I feel that he has given me a loving wife who is there for me when I need her. To put her warm hands on me every day and to remind me that I am alive. That I survived and I am strong. I believe he gave me my children to remind me how blessed I am and to never stop loving unconditionally and having fun. It takes exceptional people to live, love, and accept a wounded veteran. Especially a wounded veteran who has seen such tragedy in war and lives with the demons daily. Also, I thank my God for the therapeutic benefits I’ve received from The Coalition to Salute America’s Heroes. Because of my participation with the Heroes Thanking Heroes Program, just calling to say thank you to donors for their support helps me feel like I’m productive again and contributing to my family and oddly enough, the hours I spend in front of my computer calling and thanking our loving supporters allows my mind to never wonder off into unwanted thoughts. This part of my day is my medicine, it’s my therapy.

Antoinette Batchelor - What do I do differently?

Recently, I was asked, what I have to do different for my husband because of his injuries and I was stumped for a minute. What do I do differently? I mean there are certainly things I wouldn’t do if he wasn’t injured, but his injuries are as much a part of him as any of his traits. But it got me thinking.

Jim was injured during his 2004 deployment to Iraq, he was shot between the eyes, and apart from a small scar on his forehead he looks reasonably unscathed. He appears to be a mostly fit, healthy 36 year old. A few grey hairs coming in at his temple (he’s rather proud of those), a little extra weight, smile lines, he looks “fine”.  But the question remains, What is different in our marriage because of Jims Injuries.

I guess, when I stop and take a moment to look at it, it’s a thousand little things that I don’t notice on a daily basis. Its warning him before I make a loud noise. I learned very quickly after we were married that the step stool makes a loud popping noise when you snap it into place. I learned very quickly loud unexpected popping noises from step stools cause an adrenaline surge in Jim that takes a while to come down from. I learned if his adrenaline levels stay too high for too long there will be vomit.

It’s carefully reading movie reviews before I suggest we go see them, to make sure they won’t trigger any negative reactions.  That particular lesson was learned at 7 months pregnant with our first child when we decided to go see the John Travolta film from Paris, with love. After that sleepless night, we only watch science fiction and fantasy based movies. The Avengers explosions? Yes. Olympus has fallen explosions? No.

 It’s constantly being aware of two conversations going on if we are in a social setting. The one that I’m involved in, and the one that he’s involved in. It’s quietly intervening if the subject matter is going to become an issue. It’s time spent preparing him before we go anywhere. Explaining the situation and what’s expected of him.  Hug the widow, offer condolences. Thank the host. Offer the graduate congratulations.

Jim is highly intelligent but his TBI means he struggles with empathy, and handling other people’s emotions. He will often cover up these deficiencies with awkward humor, and sometimes hard to follow changes in topic. If he’s not interested in a topic or doesn’t know how to relate to the subject matter he sees no reason to continue it and will without warning change it to something he is interested in. I hope you like politics. It makes maintaining friendships with non-veterans challenging.

It’s double and triple checking before I do anything , to make sure he doesn’t need me for something. It’s the awkward conversation with friends who can’t understand Jims needs (“But he looks fine!”).  “No I can’t go out today.” “No, It’s probably best if you don’t stop by unannounced, please, really, don’t do that.”  “No, I can’t just leave him home with the children with 30 minutes notice to come drink coffee with you.”  “No, we won’t be able to make it to the barbecue, I’m sure it’ll be a great time, but 30 something people Jims never met isn’t going to make for a pleasant time for either of us.”

It’s holding his hand under tables to keep him distracted. It’s arranging restaurant seating so he can face the door. It’s convincing him in the middle of the night that the house is safe, that our children are safe, that its ok to sleep. It’s, double, triple checking plans before we go anywhere to reassure him that all eventualities are accounted for. It’s going over that plan with him 6 times before he believes me. It’s sitting with him when he can’t sleep. It’s not being able to work outside of the home, because your boss gets a little annoyed with 3 trips to the VA in a week and a lunch time call asking you to come home because the day is too much to handle. (Thank Heavens for the heroes thanking heroes) It’s a thousand other things. But mostly? Most importantly, It’s worth it.
 And the thousands of reasons it’s worth it far outweigh the thousand little things I do