Ashlee Williams - We Survived

Six years.  That’s how long I’ve had the title of “caregiver” for my husband.  You see, the “wife” title has always been an easy one for me.  I took the vow for better or for worse.  Only my vows didn’t include the part where my husband might step on an IED overseas and lose three of his limbs.  Our whole lives were changed in an instant but those vows were a promise that I would not forsake him even in the worst of times which gloomed heavily over us as we slowly began to realize that our normal little family of three would never be normal again. 

Our six year-old daughter was 11 months old when J.D. was injured.  She only knows her Daddy and his “nubbies” (her reference to his amputated legs/arm). Prosthetics and wheelchairs are a major part of her life. Wheelchair rides, consistent stares, chatter, and the random “thank you for your service” from strangers are gestures that she has grown to expect.   These things are normal to her so I frequently have to ask myself , “When will I be satisfied with the idea that this is now apart of my “normal” life as well? 

A couple of weeks ago, we tagged along with my siblings and their families to Orlando, Florida.  I’ve spent a great deal of time forcing my family to understand the realities that we deal with on a daily basis.  No matter how much you explain something to someone, no one really understands unless they have been through the experience.  This became quite clear to me upon trying to have an enjoyable family experience at Universal Studios.  I pride myself on trying to plan ahead for my husband’s accessibilities but this time… It was a complete and utter failure for me.  After being humiliated at the first couple of rides by being told “No ma’am, I’m sorry, we can’t let your husband on this ride,” I quickly began to lose every ounce of sanity within me and the wrath of a scorned wife started to show itself.  I understand there are rules and regulations put into place because of safety but we weren’t trying to get on the roller coasters people! We were going for rides like “The Simpsons” where everything is virtual and you barely move in your seat!  First, the ride attendant would need to get their team lead, then my anger would come out and next, the tears.  The tears of frustration that I just want to have ONE normal day with my family, is that too much to ask!? 

YES. The answer is yes.  My life will never be normal again.  And, I’m okay with that.  It took me standing up and fighting for my husband that day too to ensure that my family didn’t waste the $300+ spent on tickets.  Truth is, I can not think of one time in my life that he has sat back and been quiet when he begins to see my “caregiver stress.”  He never lets his injuries affect his ability to do something and doesn’t take “No” for an answer easily.  When I am completely up to my head in stress because the VA doesn’t understand that a WORKING wheelchair is necessary because it is HIS LEGS, he is in the garage pulling out the “In Case of Emergency” manual chair because he refuses to be handicapped. 

Through all of the obstacles, we made our family vacation the best.  We survived the terrorist attack on the nightclub that happened 20 minutes from us the night we arrived. We survived the tragic story of the 2 year old getting pulled into the water by an alligator while we were only miles away. We survived two days of the trip with a fried power wheelchair from the unexpected torrential downpour of rain we were caught in.  And most of all, we survived the PTSD that could have easily ruined our vacation because of these tragic events.  We survived the tears I shed and were able to get on several rides at Universal because of them.  We survived the numerous people that stopped us in the heat of the day with a simple “Thank you, sir”  and my husband’s quick response that I’m the hero of the family as he always responds.  We survived to advise our amputee friends that maybe visiting Disney World would be more accessible the Universal Studios.  We survived.

We survived because that is what family does, even the abnormal ones.  At my weakest moments when everything is falling apart around me, the one that depends on me the most cares for me and nurtures me.  He encouraged me to begin working for the Heroes Thanking Heroes program three years ago when I was beyond depressed from not taking time out for myself.  Three years later, I have worked my way up to a team lead position and truly enjoy the work I do and the motivation it gives me to help other veterans.  We haven’t just survived, we have grown into our new life.  And, he says I’m the hero.