Caring for the Caregiver

Like many other caregivers, it was my job to take care of the day-to-day necessities while my husband was still on active duty. This was mainly because he was never around in order to be able to take care of these things. He was always gone before the sun came up, home after it went down, and that was when he wasn’t in the field for training or on one of his many deployments overseas. I spent most days alone with my children, making sure that the bills were paid, there was food on the table, clothes were clean, etc… I spent many nights longing for my husband to be home with me while he was deployed to Kuwait, Iraq, or Afghanistan. 

Then came the day that he was…

After his injuries and subsequent medical discharge from active duty, my husband was home with me every day and every night. I know that there is a period of adjustment for the soldier coming home from deployments, as well as an entire life adjustment when they are discharged from the military, but what most people don’t realize is that there is a huge adjustment for spouses and caregivers as well. Did I miss him when he was gone? Of course, I did! Is it great having him safe at home with me? Absolutely! Does being with him (and taking care of him) 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year get to be a lot to handle? The answer to this question is also a resounding yes!

Early on, I was so focused on being there for my husband’s needs all of the time that I put my wants and needs on the back burner. I didn’t complain, and I didn’t mind. I did it out of love and compassion, and I knew that he needed me more than he ever had before. What I didn’t realize, though, was that I was burning myself out. I wasn’t taking any time for myself to recharge my batteries so that I could continue to be an effective Veteran Caregiver. I quickly learned that I needed some help. So I began to look for it.

I didn’t have to look too far, especially since I was still lucky enough to be living near a military base, as well as an entire military community. I was able to find an actual Caregiver Peer Support Group that met every Wednesday for lunch at the Fisher House on post. Getting out of the house and spending time with a group of people that knew exactly what I was going through was a huge blessing for me. Even if it was only once a week, it was something that I could use to vent and blow off steam, as well as learn from others and lend my knowledge and support. I quickly became a volunteer at the Fisher House as well, which allowed me to help give back to a service that was doing so much for our military and our veterans. Of course, one of the greatest takeaways from this group was the friendships that I have formed.

From this group, I learned of so many other forms of support that were available to Veteran Caregivers and their disabled spouses. I found out about the Yellow Ribbon Fund, which has a program entitled the Keystone Program. This program is specifically dedicated to empowering caregivers and providing support for military caregivers around the country. I was also introduced to the Wounded Warrior Project. This organization is absolutely amazing and has helped so many families, to include my own. There is also Operation Homefront, an organization that has been such a blessing to my family and me. Without them, I honestly would have been homeless. Of course, that is a story for another blog. I am also a volunteer for Operation Homefront so that I can give back and help those that need it… just like I did.

I would be remiss if I failed to mention the Renewal Coalition. This organization not only provides so much assistance for wounded warriors and their families, they also host annual Caregiver Retreats in Jupiter, Florida. This trip is an all-expenses-paid retreat for veteran caregivers, giving them a place to get away from it all for a few days and enjoy being taken care of themselves. Some would even call it a well-deserved pampering!

There are still plenty of other resources and organizations out there that are specifically designed to support caregivers and their disabled warriors. I have to add, however, that I wouldn’t be able to participate in as many of these events and groups as I do if it were not for my amazing support group. My adult children have always been willing to step in and “hold down the fort” while I take the time to care for myself. This, in turn, makes me a far better caregiver for my husband, so I think that everyone wins!

Of course, I don’t always have to leave the house to get away and do something that I enjoy. I am blessed enough to have the room to have not one but two dedicated craft rooms at home. I am able to get lost in my crafting while still being there to take care of my husband when he needs me. I believe with all of my heart that our success as a couple comes from a strong faith in God, good communication, and having hobbies that allow us to get away from each other once in a while! =)

~ Kristine C. (Veteran Caregiver)

Links:

Fort Campbell Army Fisher House

Yellow Ribbon Fund: Keystone Program

Wounded Warrior Project

Operation Homefront

Renewal Coalition