Over the last 2.5 years our family has been on a journey
that we were not at liberty to discuss with the world. Although it sounds very
special ops and cool, the heart of the story is heartbreaking. Juan and I have
always been firm believers that we are part of a bigger plan. We may not always
understand what that plan is or agree with it but we know that we will never be
given more than we can handle. August 23, 2013 Juan’s sister had her children
taken from her and placed into the Oklahoma Department of Human Services system
due to criminal activity in the home that placed them in danger. Juan did not
have an active role in his sister’s life due to her lifestyle choices but we
had always spoken to our niece through social media and telephone. We were
notified shortly after the children were taken that the situation was very
difficult and the kids may not be able to return to their Mother’s care. The
state of Oklahoma told us that our niece would like to come live with us and
that they would like to keep all three kids together, would we be able to take
them all? We started getting our home certified for foster care to have the
children placed with us in June of 2014.
At the time my Husband was staying in Michigan
caring for his adopted Mother who was dying from stage 4 cancer. We spent
countless hours in training, flying Juan back and forth from Michigan for
meetings, training, and to complete the certification process. We were
completely certified and ready for the placement of the kiddos in August of
2014. We were kept in communication of the legal process and what was going on
with the children however, the court continued to try to work on Juan’s sister’s
situation to allow the kids to come back to her. In September of 2015 our
youngest nephew was placed back in his Mother’s care while our niece ran away
from the foster home that she was in. The supervisors on the case lost track of
Juan’s sister and our nephew and were unable to find our niece. In October they
found our nephew with his Mother at a Walmart after 30 days and he was in
terrible condition. He was wearing soiled pants, no shoes or socks, covered in
dirt and in a terrible emotional state. At the court hearing immediately
following the state taking possession of our nephew again Juan’s sister terminated
her own rights to the children. At that time our niece was still missing. We
were no longer getting information on the kids because they had started the
reunification process with his sister.
The state of Oklahoma reached out
to us again at the beginning of January 2016 for assistance finding our niece
and to see if we were still interested in taking the kiddos. We found our niece
within 24 hours and had her at a foster home where she felt safe within 48
hours. Our home had to be recertified again because so much time had passed.
Through this entire process we had the best case workers in Colorado that
anyone could ask for. They recertified us in less than 45 days, we were ready
to take on all three kiddos. As the day approached that the kids were going to
be placed we were told that one of the kids was going to go to a different
home, a home that we knew nothing about. We had prepped our children and our
home for all three of these kids and it felt like the state and the system was
running us in circles. One minute we are ready for the kids and they are not
coming. The next minute we are taking three kids and now we are only getting
two. The process is very long and very stressful.
When you think of this process for
an individual that does not have any mental disabilities I am sure you can
imagine how difficult it may be.
However, when you add a disabled veteran that is processing through his
Mothers death, a veteran that has anxiety, ptsd, a TBI, and still lives his
life very structured and planned, this chaos was something that we almost
didn’t get through. We worked hard to maintain our daily lives with work and
our own children but the stress of the entire process weighed heavily on us
personally. Juan and I lean on each other for support in all aspects of life
however the constant indecisiveness of this process was causing us both extreme
anxiety. Every time we thought we were moving forward the caseworkers would
change something and we would move three steps back. Finally, we took it upon
ourselves to drive to Oklahoma to pick up our nephew and speed up the placement
process.
May 1st 2016 we picked
up our nephew in Oklahoma and on May 20th our niece was brought to
our home by her foster family on a foster to adopt placement. No matter how
prepared we believed we were, there was no way for us to be prepared for how
this changed our lives. These kiddos have been through so much and both suffer
from PTSD and anxiety which requires therapy and medication. Their needs
sometime surpass our needs and at times are like my husband’s disabilities. The
first 30 days were the most difficult. We had to report to two separate sets of
case workers in two states. The kiddos had to have full medical and dental
clearance and as it turned out they were not as healthy as we had been told.
Both kids had to start therapy and have ongoing medical conditions that have to
be monitored monthly. I am a caregiver from my core in every aspect of my life
and at times I felt like I had taken on more than I could handle.
To top it all off we also found out that Juan’s boxer had Lymphoma and
would need to start chemotherapy. It seemed that the world was stacked against
us, yet we kept our head up and knew that there was a plan bigger than what we
understood. We worked hard to teach all the kids the ground rules and structure
that we needed to incorporate two more kiddos into our home. We met with the
caseworkers, we started the therapy for those that needed it, we kept our minds
and hearts open so that hopefully we would see and understand the big picture.
As the kids started to settle in and everyone started to get comfortable we had
a new bombshell dropped. To get our Niece adopted we had to complete it before
she was 18 or she was losing all her benefits of being a foster child for the
last three years. Like I said before every time we thought we were moving
forward we would get knocked three steps back.
There are always rules and regulations
that govern foster homes and the adoption process and time was not on our side.
Our niece was going to turn 18 before we were legally able to adopt her. Juan
and I kept our faith and began advocating very strongly for our niece. At the
family meeting in August the judge heard the issues we were facing and ordered
the state to do whatever to make sure our niece was adopted by her birthday.
The state of Oklahoma hired a private attorney to assist us in the process and
were able to get an exemption to allow us to adopt her and her little brother
the day before she turned 18 which will allow her to get and keep the benefits
that she deserves for the hardship she endured.
As of October 19, 2016 we are now a
family of 9. This adventure could have been the end of our marriage and family.
The trials and tribulations that went with this process could have caused us to
grow apart but one of the most important things that Juan and I have learned
over the years is understanding of each other’s trigger points, strengths, and
weaknesses. I know that he has a hard time with disorder and indecisiveness, so
I handled as much as I could the things that were up in the air. I know that
when I need things done Juan is very good at getting people to move and make
decisions. Knowing these things about each other helped us in every aspect of
this process. Although we hope that we are finished with foster care, case
workers, attorneys, and lawyers we know that we have a criminal case that is
still pending and one more kiddo that needs to be placed that doesn’t have a
permanent home yet. Through everything we maintained a positive attitude and
made sure that we kept the lines of communication open, no matter what was
thrown at us we would survive this adventure together. Sometimes I believe we
are stronger together because of his injury. As of today, we are a family of 9;
perfectly imperfect individuals who are exactly where we are intended to be in
life.
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