Wife, Mother, Caregiver...

This week Joanie shares her thoughts on being a caregiver, a wife and a mother.

     I am sure any mother knows exactly what I mean when I say sometimes I feel like I am swimming upstream and needing 48 hours in a day.  As I am folding laundry, my 3.5 year old is upstairs ripping her drawers apart.  I only have one child and she alone can make the house look like a tornado ripped through.  I am my daughters mother first and friend second.  That’s easy enough right?

Why can’t it be that natural when it comes to being a wife and a caregiver?  When do I shut it off? How do I shut it off?  At what point am I being a caregiver or being overbearing and compulsive? Am I running myself ragged because there is so much to do, or am I putting some of it on myself?

With children I feel like there is a defined line between parenting and friendship.  Although there are paid caregivers and there are some that take care of their elderly parents, I know first hand being a caregiver to your spouse is treading in murky waters.  

I haven’t totally gotten it figured out yet.  I used to get so frustrated because I felt like I was doing everything.  But for the first part of our marriage, when we first started living together, I was doing everything.  I had to.  My husband was in and out of the hospital, in a wheel chair, and could barely sit up, let alone walk alone.  As he slowly got better, I would get upset like why doesn’t he want to help?  First of all, who wants to do chores? I understood that, but I was like I would have more time to do other stuff if he would help.  But then I noticed, that I would ask him to do stuff, and if he didn’t do it in my time frame I would just do it so that it was done.  With my daughter I have the authority to guide her when she wants to do things on her timeline, and not mine.  What should I do, ground my husband from the television? Hahaha, that sounds kind of funny.

After spending a few years just doing everything because I had to, and trying to become so scheduled in my routine, I figured there were things that I had to begin to just let go.  It’s like I couldn’t, and still sometimes have a hard time not being in the forefront of every little detail of our lives.  I was getting upset at my husband because I wanted his help, but I was not allowing him to help.  Sometimes, I just have to sit back and allow the situation play out, instead of trying to matriculate everything.  I still can’t figure out though, where is the line between wife and caregiver?