I’m just going to be honest here and say I know they were all excuses. To tell you the truth I’m a small- town girl, I’ve traveled, but never by plane and have no desire to do so. (Yes, even though we did fly to HFW and our flights were uneventful I have no further wish to be in the air.) This is only one of the purposes for my excuses. Other than that, we rarely do anything without our children. We always feel like if we don’t take the trip, someone else will be able to go who may need it more than us. (Let me tell you, WE needed this trip and did not know until after.)
I only applied for this trip to New York because this is something that was on my Lovie’s bucket list (the things we do for the ones we love right?!). When I found out we were one of the couples chosen, a knot formed in my stomach and though I was so excited to be able to make one of my hubby’s dreams come true, I was a wreck. Planning, re-planning, and continuing this until the day of our take off. I packed and repacked a hundred times. I set up a plan for my four kids and three dogs. I researched every location near our planned stay, every place on the iternerary, walked through different possibilities with Tony (because this is normal for anywhere we go in attempt to cut out as many PTSD flare ups as possible).
Fast forward to getting through the airport and in the air. I was not shocked when my husband stepped into SGT mode running through this event like I was one of his soldiers, walking me through the airport. However, once seated and preparing for take off, husband mode kicked in and he ignored his fear of heights- holding my hand, calming the anxiety about being in a metal tube in the air, the anxiety that I had tried so hard to hide from him. Leave it to him to crack jokes like, he had no idea I could get any whiter until that very moment.We were greeted at the airport by an amazing team and the relief of familiar faces couldn’t have been sweeter! This brought other pleasantries as well because even though I was seeing five familiar faces, four of them I had never been able to meet in person so I was super excited to actually be able to hug the people who have become so much a part of my heart.
Our cab driver was great he made sure to take us around the biggest part of the chaotic traffic, telling us about the city as we drove. Upon arriving at the Marriott, we couldn’t wipe the smiles off our faces. The excitement of it all well exceeded the anxiety of being in such a busy place. As we came off the elevator, we were met with another amazing team and I couldn’t help but let my luggagedrop as I rushed to embrace more familiar faces.
We made our way to our room with our treat box (that had so much thought put into it with snacks, water, t-shirts, etc.). We got settled in and most definitely needed that snack inside the box. Tony finds a small stone, hand painted. He stated that this little stone is so meaningful that he needs no other souvenirs the rest of the trip. (Obviously, we are off to an astounding first day!)
Dinner was no exception to this already set high standard. Getting to know other veterans and their wives, enjoying too much amazing food to do anything but sample each item presented, the evening was wonderful. There was a brief moment when Tony’s PTSD started rearing it’s ugly self and we stepped outside for a little space. While talking it out and trying to get distracted by the now lit up Times Square, one of the team leads made their way out to check and make sure everything was ok. Once he was assured all was well enough, he let us alone. This helped erase the rest of the flare up as it meant a lot to Tony to know it wasn’t just me who had his six.
Sleeping was not easy. The room was nice, the bed was comfortable, the noise was loud but bearable, but the anticipation for the next day kept me awake. How could they possibly top such a stupendous start? The next morning, after breakfast, we began PAIRS (we highly encourage this program even if you do not attend a future HFW, you can look into this or the VA counterpart Warrior to Soulmate). Here is where I should say my Lovie is not comfortable sharing his emotions or even feeling them for the most part. When he is not comfortable, neither am I because I am consistently trying to fix his situation. On the other hand, as much as I protect and nurture I tend to push him when I know it is helpful for him. No one was being forced to share, however, just listening will draw up thoughts and emotions. We truly appreciate the advantages we were given with the tools we were able to add to our toolbox from this class.
During our free time, we walked as much as possible just exploring different directions from our hotel. There is so much to see and take in. The many different sights and smells can bring you to so many locations alone. We saw and smelled things that reminded us of places we were while Tony was active duty, home, and even made us feel like we were visiting places we’ve never been, only heard about. Not all of our experiences on this trip were pleasant, there were some out of our coordinators hands and it only intensified the entertainment of the whole weekend, making the delightful moments greater and the not so fantastic moments roll off like a drop of rain on a window. You can find negativity anywhere- but if you chose to see the positive in what is going on, there is no way for the negative to take over.
Here is where it gets even harder to find fitting words. It was time to visit the 9-11 Memorial. 9/11/2001 is the reason my hubby joined the military. One could say it was the start of our life because had it not been for 9-11, he had planned to just stay in school. He already had colleges picked out so we probably would have never met. He also would have never been injured. A very bitter sweet realization of such a horrific, historical moment. Stepping onto ground zero sent chills through every inch of our bodies. This was one of the moments we collected that though we spoke no words to each other- with a brief eye lock, it was understood we were in the same emotional space. Standing outside listening to Joe Torillo share about the history we were standing on, showing us a little model of what used to stand around us was a privilege beyond measure. As we made our way inside, the air changed. There is a heaviness around you that is indescribable. You are able to take pictures in many places but it almost feels wrong to do so. There are several audios playing of the victims’ families saying their names and relationship; making your heart cry as you can feel the pain in their voices making you cringe. All the while you are also filled with hope and pride seeing many pieces of art that were inspired truly by the strength and American courage represented that day. This same spirit was escalated when we were granted a visit to the FDNY 10 House having the pleasure to meet the World Trade Center Man and soak up as much knowledge as he could spill out to us; just before entering and having the honor of meeting the firemen inside hearing their losses because of 9-11.The next day is filled with as much excitement as the last with many emotions flowing wildly. Tony and I were so ready to visit Lady Liberty and Ellis Island. The feeling wasn’t just because he is so big on history but, also because of all our loved ones at home were ecstatic to know we were going, waiting to hear all about it. Much like the 9-11 Memorial, being there is indescribable. You begin to drift into imagining the stories these monuments could tell if they had the chance. These stories are mildly captured by the statue in Battery Park once you leave the ferry created by Luis Sanguino named The Immigrants. After lunch, we were presented with a scavenger hunt, such a creative, fun way to bring out competitive natures and allow us to explore the park. We didn’t come in first place but there could be no losers really as it was another growth experience for us and more moments to collect.
Winding up our final day, we joined another couple visiting the Empire State Building before dinner. We were both glad to build bonds with our extended veteran and Coalition family. On the walk, we shared life stories and were able to trade camera man positions to capture some lasting memories. Our last dinner together was unforgettable as we were able to be present hearing first responder Joe Torillo’s survival story. This man’s story was more affirmation for my husband that he did the right thing taking up arms and joining the fight for our freedom and protection. We couldn’t be more pleased or grateful with the opportunity and privilege of Heroes Freedom Weekend. As a personal review, we have been building up to this trip landing in and adding everything it has to offer during the perfect time of our lives. It became another corner stone in our relationship. I couldn’t be happier that we were able to collect these moments, relationships, and memories.-Lacy Mullen, Heroes Thanking Heroes Representative, Veteran Caregiver
To learn how you can help support our mission in rebuilding the lives of severely wounded post 9/11 veterans, visit the Coalition's website at www.saluteheroes.org
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