But, but, but!
But, no, because there are
reasons for all of those seemingly weird English bits.
Like “eggplant” is called
“eggplant” because the white-skinned variety (to which the name originally
applied) looks very egg-like.
The “hamburger” is named after the city of Hamburg.
The name “pineapple” originally (in Middle English) applied to pine
cones (ie. the fruit of pines - the word “apple” at the time often being used
more generically than it is now), and because the tropical pineapple bears a
strong resemblance to pine cones, the name transferred.
The “English” muffin was not invented in England, no, but it was
invented by an Englishman, Samuel Bath Thomas, in New York in 1894. The name
differentiates the “English-style” savoury muffin from “American” muffins which
are commonly sweet.
“French fries” are not named for their country of origin (also the
United States), but for their preparation. They are French-cut fried potatoes -
ie. French fries.
“Sweetmeats” originally referred to candied fruits or nuts, and given
that we still use the term “nutmeat” to describe the edible part of a nut and
“flesh” to describe the edible part of a fruit, that makes sense.
“Sweetbread” has nothing whatsoever to do with bread, but comes from
the Middle English “brede”, meaning “roasted meat”. “Sweet” refers not to being
sugary, but to being rich in flavour.
Similarly, “quicksand” means not “fast sand”, but “living sand” (from
the Old English “cwicu” - “alive”).
The term boxing “ring” is a holdover from the time when the “ring”
would have been just that - a circle marked on the ground. The first square
boxing ring did not appear until 1838. In the rules of the sport itself, there
is also a ring - real or imagined - drawn within the now square arena in which
the boxers meet at the beginning of each round.
The etymology of “guinea pig” is disputed, but one suggestion has been
that the sounds the animals makes are similar to the grunting of a pig. Also,
as with the “apple” that caused confusion in “pineapple”, “Guinea” used to be
the catch-all name for any unspecified far away place. Another suggestion is
that the animal was named after the sailors - the “Guinea-men” - who first
brought it to England from its native South America.
As for the discrepancies between verb and noun forms, between plurals,
and conjugations, these are always the result of differing word derivation.
Writers write because the meaning of the word “writer” is “one who
writes”, but fingers never fing because “finger” is not a noun derived from a
verb. Hammers don’t ham because the noun “hammer”, derived from the Old Norse
“hamarr”, meaning “stone” and/or “tool with a stone head”, is how we derive the
verb “to hammer” - ie. to use such a tool. But grocers, in a certain sense, DO
“groce”, given that the word “grocer” means “one who buys and sells in gross”
(from the Latin “grossarius”, meaning “wholesaler”).
“Tooth” and “teeth” is the legacy of the Old English “toð” and “teð”,
whereas “booth” comes from the Old Danish “boþ”. “Goose” and “geese”, from the
Old English “gōs” and “gēs”, follow the same pattern, but “moose” is an
Algonquian word (Abenaki: “moz”, Ojibwe: “mooz”, Delaware: “mo:s”). “Index” is
a Latin loanword, and forms its plural quite predictably by the Latin model
(ex: matrix -> matrices, vertex -> vertices, helix -> helices).
One can “make amends” - which is to say, to amend what needs amending
- and, case by case, can “amend” or “make an amendment”. No conflict there.
“Odds and ends” is not word, but a phrase. It is, necessarily, by its
very meaning, plural, given that it refers to a collection of miscellany. A
single object can’t be described in the same terms as a group.
“Teach” and “taught” go back to Old English “tæcan” and “tæhte”, but
“preach” comes from Latin “predician” (“præ” + “dicare” - “to proclaim”).
“Vegetarian” comes of “vegetable” and “agrarian” - put into common use
in 1847 by the Vegetarian Society in Britain.
“Humanitarian”, on the other hand, is a portmanteau of “humanity” and
“Unitarian”, coined in 1794 to described a Christian philosophical position -
“One who affirms the humanity of Christ but denies his pre-existence and
divinity”. It didn’t take on its current meaning of “ethical benevolence” until
1838. The meaning of “philanthropist” or “one who advocates or practices human
action to solve social problems” didn’t come into use until 1842.
We recite a play because the word comes from the Latin “recitare” -
“to read aloud, to repeat from memory”. “Recital” is “the act of reciting”.
Even this usage makes sense if you consider that the Latin “cite” comes from
the Greek “cieo” - “to move, to stir, to rouse , to excite, to call upon, to
summon”. Music “rouses” an emotional response. One plays at a recital for an
audience one has “called upon” to listen.
The verb “to ship” is obviously a holdover from when the primary means
of moving goods was by ship, but “cargo” comes from the Spanish “cargar”,
meaning “to load, to burden, to impose taxes”, via the Latin “carricare” - “to
load on a cart”.
“Run” (moving fast) and “run” (flowing) are homonyms with different
roots in Old English: “ærnan” - “to ride, to reach, to run to, to gain by
running”, and “rinnan” - “to flow, to run together”. Noses flow in the second
sense, while feet run in the first. Simillarly, “to smell” has both the meaning
“to emit” or “to perceive” odor. Feet, naturally, may do the former, but not
the latter.
“Fat chance” is an intentionally sarcastic expression of the sentiment
“slim chance” in the same way that “Yeah, right” expresses doubt - by saying
the opposite.
“Wise guy” vs. “wise man” is a result of two different uses of the word
“wise”. Originally, from Old English “wis”, it meant “to know, to see”. It is
closely related to Old English “wit” - “knowledge, understanding, intelligence,
mind”. From German, we get “Witz”, meaning “joke, witticism”. So, a wise man
knows, sees, and understands. A wise guy cracks jokes.
The seemingly contradictory “burn up” and “burn down” aren’t really
contradictory at all, but relative. A thing which burns up is consumed by fire.
A house burns down because, as it burns, it collapses.
“Fill in” and “fill out” are phrasal verbs with a difference of meaning
so slight as to be largely interchangeable, but there is a difference of
meaning. To use the example in the post, you fill OUT a form by filling it IN,
not the other way around. That is because “fill in” means “to supply what is
missing” - in the example, that would be information, but by the same token,
one can “fill in” an outline to make a solid shape, and one can “fill in” for a
missing person by taking his/her place. “Fill out”, on the other hand, means
“to complete by supplying what is missing”, so that form we mentioned will not
be filled OUT until we fill IN all the missing information.
An alarm may “go off” and it may be turned on (ie. armed), but it does
not “go on”. That is because the verb “to go off” means “to become active
suddenly, to trigger” (which is why bombs and guns also go off, but do not go
on).
The poetic description of our language is meh
for me. The extensive research and thorough explanations for all of it is
TRIPLEYES!!!
“Let’s be realistic is
this English a crazy language or not . Because as far as I know There is no egg in
eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English
muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are
candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat.
I believe that We take English for granted. But
if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing
rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And
why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and
hammers don’t ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of
booth beeth?
I may be getting crazy but if One goose, 2
geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn’t it seem crazy that
you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and
get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why
didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetable, what does a
humanitarian eat? In what language do people recite at a play and play at a
recital? It keeps going on , and on … Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance
be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a
language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in
a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on. English
was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the
human race (which, of course, isn’t a race at all). That is why, when the stars
are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.”
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