Everyday I learn more about my husbands PTSD, my children do too. This may be something new that triggers it, or a new way to work with it. These things have come pretty natural to us over the years. What I failed to realize is that his PTSD has truly affected me! It doesn't bother me that I have to lay out step by step plans for everything we are going to do, it doesn't bother me that I have to repeat things a million times to make sure that he doesn't forget, or that he doesn't panic because he didn't remember. The affects on me that I didn't even realize, just kind of showed up one day.
In January I became part of the fundraising committee with in The Coalition to Salute America's Heroes. Promptly following this, I set up a fundraising event in my community. I had faith that I could fumble my way through this doing my best to make this great, as I have zero experience outside of selling Girl Scout cookies, with fundraising. I had concerns of setting my hopes too high, and not reaching personal goals. I have a habit of setting my goals a little higher than reasonable, I have been working on fixing this for years. I have always been a social butterfly, so none of my concerns included talking to people to share about the event and ask for help making it great. Well guess what...? the secondary affects that my husbands PTSD have on me, include panic attacks prior to speaking to new people. I had no idea what was going on with me this has never happened to me, I have heard about it, know people who experience it but, never me! I couldn't breathe my chest was so tight, tears were forming in my eyes. I was hot and cold at the same time! I was so grateful I had a long time friend with me to snatch me back. She was super shocked as she has known me since fourth grade and knows that I talk to whoever ,whenever, and have a blast making new acquaintances while doing so. However, because of my years of learning tools to help my husband through his panic attacks from his PTSD, once my friend hypothetically slapped me back to reality, I was able to utilize some of these tools to help me carry forward! With every day that my event moves closer I have a bit of an emotional roller coaster ride. After this surprise panic attack I have spoken to several people with out my friend present and made it through, building more toward the excitement side of the picture!!
The small taste of these episodes I have been having make me even more grateful for our Heroes who willingly walked into serving our country and experience this in day to day life! I am honored to be able to be my husbands caregiver and give back to at least one veteran. I am even more honored to have been invited to The Coalition to Salute America's Heroes fundraising committee so that I am able to extend help to not only other veterans but other veterans families too!
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