You Really Seem to Have it Together

You really seem to have it together...? What does that even mean? I work hard, I try hard, I do as best I can with the situation I am in. Like right now, at this moment, I just realized that my puppy stole a roll of toilet paper and shredded it, when my 19 month old realized that the puppy was having a toilet paper party he decided he should help her. So now, there is toilet paper all over the place, and I have to clean it up. Of course I'm frustrated, but anyone would be! I guess the difference is how I handle it.

I just got up to assess the toilet paper casualty, it was two rolls, not just one. That stuff is expensive!  But screaming and yelling, basically acting like a wild animal won't get me anywhere. I just calmly cleaned up the toilet paper, put the puppy in her crate and the baby went to time out. But most importantly I didn't flip out which would have not only stressed me out, it would have stressed them out as well, making their behavior worse. 

When I take the boys out to the store, just me, you can sense a little bit of my frustration, yes. I won't lie, it's hard. I do what I can to keep it together. So on the outside you see cool, calm, collected control, but on the inside I'm thinking about tying them to a chair or upside down by their toes, you know normal mom stuff. 

When it comes to my veteran I have to keep up a facade, I can't let him see me screaming and yelling at him inside my head when he's screaming and yelling at me for something that most people without head trauma or injuries wouldn't think twice about. Or when he's freaking out on the boys, yelling at them like they've just ruined his new $100,000 sports car, when all they did was leave their bike in the yard.  It's hard to do, its hard to speak calmly and try to keep the situation from escalating because both of you are in a shouting match. But I do it, for the sake of my little family, I do it for my own sanity, and I do it for him. I have to stay strong to keep him strong. If not we'd both be in the nut house. 

So, I really may seem to have it together, but inside...I'm a jumbled mess. Probably like most caregivers to wounded vets, we look like it's a cakewalk...but smashing that cake in someones face sounds so much more satisfying.