Reconnecting

Deployments are very stressful and taxing on individuals and their loved ones. Sometimes this causes unneeded worry and may affect a marriage or relationship. Military life is structured and bountiful. Families learn how to live their daily lives by following the path set before them. But sometimes it can be extremely hard to overcome the stress on your own.

When I first learned of my husband’s deployment, our kids were 8 and 6. Never had I ever imagined how hard the year to come would be. You can try to encourage yourself for the life that is about to happen. I knew that no matter what I would be there to support my soldier through everything. When I wanted to just cry but knew I couldn’t because our kids needed me to be strong as did my husband, but nothing can prepare you for the unknown.

Before deployments there is a tremendous amount of time that is spent away from each other. They must train and do briefings and everything that surrounds going into war. We knew and prepared for the day to come that we would say “see ya soon”. It made my heart break seeing our kids not fully grasping what is about to happen. The life-changing scenarios and the day-to-day rituals. But I had to be the strong one and hold everything together for our family.

One year later he was home. An entire year of me being the single parent and being responsible for everything that pertained to our family and daily life. We were so happy that he was back home and that we were together again as a family. But something was off. He had been injured overseas and the effects were wearing on him. Fast forward a few months.

He was sent to get treatment for his injuries at the Wounded Warrior Unit at Fort Knox Kentucky. At the time we lived in Michigan. So after being gone all that time he was gone again. He was diagnosed with severe PTSD, traumatic brain injury, and many other physical injuries. Six months went by and he was to be there another year. So we decided to move our family to be with him. I was now his caregiver. All the while I had been the main parent. During this time I had taken the role of all the responsibilities of our children and to be honest, left him out of a lot of decisions because I felt he could not handle any more stress. This caused stress in our marriage. I never stepped back to realize that I had to “let go” of the independent thinking. It took a long time for me to become a “team” with him again and put our marriage first. It was extremely hard for me to do. Fast forward to the present.

We have learned a new love language and have been enjoying each other again. Once I learned to know we were "one” and not “separate” it has been so amazing and life is beautiful. As a spouse and as a parent. Sometimes it can be extremely hard to do. If you want to fully live life, you have to reconnect. 

-Veteran Caregiver