He Said
Speaking from a guy’s standpoint, it is more common than not to meet a brother in arms who is on their 2nd or 3rd marriage. It’s pretty much expected to have a marriage fail due to long absences from multiple deployments. Many of us who went over and played in the sandbox came back broke and beat to hell emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Add in the financial and family stress of reintegration into mainstream society, and a lot of us vets or our spouses end up saluting as we walk out the door to another life. Soldiers who have been in the fight carry around a lot of junk, and that’s a fact. Last year with COVID-19 and the whole shelter in place for weeks and months on end, it made me feel like a POW. No disrespect for those who have been real POWs. Fact is, I felt like I was going crazy, and it was not the best time in my relationship with the wife.
I did not have any preconceived expectations when my wife Justina and I were invited to the Heroes Freedom Weekend for married couples. Neither of us had been to Colonial Williamsburg, and it was a super cool experience to see how far our country has grown. I was able to connect with the soldiers who fought for our independence. I know that without a doubt that if you got a bunch of soldiers from 1776 with soldiers of today, we would all sit around a fire and talk shop. Soldiers then and now all have two essential things in common; a deep love of our country and a willingness to fight to the death to stay free.
The speakers were legit. I have had a hard time going to church since my deployments. I do not feel anyone at church can relate, and to be honest, I have seen and done things that most Churchie folks just can’t get. Dr. Parker and his wife got the other vets and me. I mean, they truly understood us. I felt connected with God at a level I had not felt since attending youth group at my old church nearly forty years ago. Concepts and tools were broken down and simplified so that we all could understand. The best part (besides the crazy amount of good food) was the offer from the Parkers and Mr. Walker (the CEO of The Coalition) to give several free sessions of marriage counseling after the retreat. I’ll admit that I got a bit emotional knowing that The Coalition cared enough about saving our marriage that they would pay for counseling.
She Said
I would like to invite you, the reader, to imagine a world where you can gather with perfect strangers, share the struggles with your marriage, and not feel as though no one could understand your life. Now imagine taking all of that and combining it with a military community of men and women who come from all walks of life and ethnicity. Every one of the couples who attended the Heroes Freedom Weekend (HFW) shared a common thread of survival and the commitment to making their marriage stronger. My veteran Curtis and I were one of the couples who were incredibly blessed to be able to attend the HFW in Williamsburg, Virginia, in May.
This last year was challenging on a lot of marriages. I mean, even Bill and Melinda Gates called it quits, and I have to wonder if sheltering in place during Covid-19 was not partially to blame. Money or no money, sharing limited space with another person is rough. Sharing limited space with a wounded veteran who has emotional and physical disabilities is even more complicated. After fifteen long months of being predominantly housebound, I will admit to carrying some resentment and anger at life, love, and everything.
When asked if we would be interested in attending the HFW, my first instinct was to say no. I was tempted not even to ask my veteran if he wanted to go. I did not want to forgive or be forgiven. I wanted to be left alone and continue to be emotionally disconnected. The last thing I wanted or needed was to be around sappy happy couples who were doing great when my husband and I were struggling. All of my preconceived ideas were dispelled by the realness of the couples the first night of the Heroes Freedom Weekend. Over the next few days, every couple shared their hearts and the obstacles they had or were working towards overcoming. Of the couples present, Curtis and I had known each other the longest but had been married the shortest. Some couples were on their first and only marriage to those like us who had been married before and were coping with the unique dynamics of a blended family.
I have attended marriage retreats before to include being a part of the team that puts them on. This was the first time that we were able to connect with the speakers and the other couples present. Most importantly, we were both able to connect spiritually—my faith and beliefs in God are everything to me. My veteran has struggled with his faith during and after his deployments and injuries. The speakers, Dr. and Mrs. Parker, were incredible in their relatability. Their approach to meeting couples where they were in their walk with each other and God was refreshing. The Parkers were down to earth and provided practical tools to help us begin a new journey together.
All I have ever wanted was a man with whom I could walk daily hand in hand while writing love notes in the sand. I wanted the freedom just to be me and provide the same in return. The Heroes Freedom Weekend reminded us of our strengths and the profound committed love we have for each other. We will be forever grateful for the opportunity to be a part of making new memories, learn from the Parkers, and meet other military couples within the beauty of historic Williamsburg.
By SGT. Curtis Crawford Ret. & Justina Lyn
No comments:
Post a Comment