"The Warrior is a Child"

 

"Lately I've been winning battles left and right. But even winners can get wounded in a fight. People think that I'm amazing, strong beyond my years. But they don't see inside of me, I'm hiding all my tears."- Twila Paris

In 1984 singer/songwriter Twila Paris released the song "The Warrior is a Child." I remember being asked to sing this song at least once or twice a year for church service. At the time, I didn't have a full grasp of the meaning of the words. I mean, the lyrics were powerful, and I understood that it touched a lot of people's hearts, but why all the tears from the congregation? It wasn't until this last year that the song's full meaning hit me. I look around at my fellow caregivers and veterans and am humbled at their warrior spirit. I see the brave fronts, the desire to push through adversity, and the need to succeed no matter how hard it may be.

Last week my warrior and I moved from Maryland to our new home in Missouri. While the movers were loading the truck in Maryland, an A-10 Thunderbolt flew over us. My warrior stopped what he was doing, came over to where I was standing out of view from the others, and fell apart. He put his head on my shoulder and cried. He told me that the sound of an A-10 is bittersweet and shook him to the core. I need to explain that my warrior is one of the strongest no-nonsense men I have ever met. He can come across as extremely harsh, confrontational, and unforgiving. However, at that moment, my warrior was overwhelmed with emotions and needed reassurance that he wasn't alone in his battle.

Our combat warriors have seen and done things that we, as civilians, cannot possibly understand. How many times has an insensitive friend or family member said, "My John Doe died in combat" in regards to their still living warrior? In their mind, their loved one did not come home the same as when they left. I have known my warrior for over 34 years. I know that he is not the same boy I knew as a teenager. My brother served 26 years in Army SF, and I can say without a doubt he did not come home the same brother after his first deployment. The focus should be that they BOTH came home alive! With each deployment, there was a cost that had to be paid. Our soldiers have and are still paying that cost with their failing mental and physical health. 

Our military caregivers are warriors in another way. How many caregivers are not only caring for their wounded warriors, working, AND have the additional stress of homeschooling during COVID? I cannot imagine the emotional or physical strain of trying to keep it all together. There are not enough hours in a day to fight the battles COVID alone has brought. However, thousands of military caregivers across the world are doing just that.

My warrior tells me that I am his safe place. He depends on me for emotional balance and safety. Having traumatic brain disease means that every day I lose a little more of the boy I once knew, and yet he battles on. I tell my warrior that he is my safe place as well. I know that he would die to protect me because he has already proven it with the sacrifices he made while serving our country. No matter who you are, what you do, or where you live, there needs to be that special place where you can allow yourself to express your struggles. Every warrior, no matter how strong their armor is, will, at some point "drop their sword and cry for just a while," and that is absolutely ok.

Written By Justina Lyn, Heroes Thanking Heroes Representative & Veteran Caregiver