They Also Serve

         

  “They also serve who only stand and wait,” wrote the poet John Milton in words he clearly meant in a religious context related to him coping with his blindness, but to others his famous quote conjures up images of spouses and other family members fretting about those in uniform far away – all too often in harm’s way. They too are serving our country and sometimes their service matches or even exceeds that of the ones on the front lines.

            To me, Milton’s lines refer to the spouses – most often wives – of service men who return from the battlefields in Afghanistan, Iraq, Syria and other danger zones with missing limbs, massive burns, traumatic brain damage and all too often damaged psyches. We salute these wounded veterans, as is appropriate, but I think it also appropriate and long overdue that we should salute also their caregivers, usually their wives, who find themselves supporting their families and raising their children while at the same time caring for their damaged husbands.

            It should come as no surprise that many women facing this situation throw in the towel and sue for divorce. I have seen some disheartening statistics on the divorce rate among wounded veterans. But I have also seen many uplifting examples of wives who patiently work with their damaged spouses as they struggle to recover from terrible wounds incurred on the battlefield and never give a second thought to bailing out. And in truth I think those who have been hideously burned in explosions or who have lost legs and arms are relatively easy to love and care for than those who come back suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Often the victims of PTSD may bear little or no physical evidence of damage, but they are no less damaged on that account. They cannot sleep or get along with other people. They are all too often dependent on alcohol or drugs that serve only to exacerbate their condition.

            Many of those afflicted with PTSD find it virtually impossible to hold down a regular job and are often unreliable performing routine household chores such as performing basic repairs or taking care of children. For some reason, many of them hide out in their basements and refuse to answer the doorbell. Yet their wives must somehow keep the household going – earn the money, pay the bills, take care of the kids and also provide companionship and consolation to their damaged husbands.

            The term we use for these spouses – most often women – is caregivers and it is both appropriate and inadequate. Appropriate because that is what they do, but inadequate because it does not convey the cost and demands that such care entails. These women are no less heroic than their husbands, or less deserving of our appreciation and support. My organization, the Coalition to Salute America’s Heroes, has formed the Caregiver’s Alliance as an offshoot of our work to actively support those on the front lines of caring for the nation’s heroes.

            Simply stated, the mission of the Caregiver’s Alliance is to improve the quality of life for the caregivers of our nation’s combat-wounded veterans. We guide caregivers through all services available while identifying and filling gaps in those services, regardless of which organization is providing those services. We work with like-minded veterans service organizations (VSOs), government agencies and community initiatives to assure that the needs of caregivers are being met, both privately and publicly.  A key to our success is strengthening the care and compassion that caregivers share with each other, and to do all we can to support them.

            We have a leg up in this endeavor because many of the full and part time employees of the Coalition are themselves caregivers and thus know full well the scope of responsibility they bear on behalf of their husbands and their children. They know also that there is no set time limit built into their responsibilities. Their husbands may or may not make progress overcoming their impairments – physical and mental. They can expect little support from the government which makes periodic efforts to curtail the modest stipends some caregivers receive. The lucky ones have family support to ease their burdens, but that can vary and change over time.

            The wounded veterans do receive financial support and medical assistance, but at the end of the day most of their support comes from the dedicated caregivers. They are true heroes in their own right. They deserve our gratitude and appreciation and should be honored, along with their husbands, for their heroic service to our country.

By:

David W. Walker

President and CEO

Coalition to Salute America’s Heroes