Something's Gotta Give

I am hoping in six months when this is all behind us, I will be laughing at this post. This is a definite reminder that as a caregiver we often forget that we are human and deserve a little grace at times. I want you to know that I knew exactly what I was getting myself into when I made the decisions that you are about to read, I did not realize that I would be so hard on myself through the process. Here is a brief synopsis of the last few months to catch you up on my current situation.

My Husband Juan is a disabled veteran. He has a TBI, PTSD, shoulder injuries, no vision in one of his eyes and a recent car accident has added a back and neck injury, and re aggravation of the brain injury to the mix. We have a service dog in training who my husband is having difficulty training because of the new injury from the car accident. We have one car and three children to tote around also because of the car accident, our truck has been in the shop for over 4 months. I work outside the home 4 days a week and two of our three children attend therapy and have comprehensive medical things that keep me on my toes. On a regular week, I am a very busy lady to say the least.

Juan had to have surgery and couldn’t drive for 2 weeks which meant I had to adjust my work schedule for all drop off and pick up of the kids as well as all the appointment that followed Juan’s surgery. Luna our sweet service dog got a gestational infection that caused severe diarrhea and required 3 rounds of antibiotics. I got a call or email from all three kids’ teachers stating they had fallen behind in their classes or were having behavioral issues. I managed these notifications with an explanation on my Husbands medical situation and a plea that they just be understanding with the kids and a promise that I would get on top of their school work. I continued to try to tread the waters as all good caregivers do. Keeping quiet through the stress and crying in the shower so that no one would know how overwhelmed I was. I can do it all, it is just a matter of juggling the 24 hours in the day.

The next week Juan had to have spine injections for the fractured disk in his lower spine, again weeks of no driving. Our older kids were working and for the life of me I could not find anyone to help with the three little kids in case I didn’t make it home from the injection surgery on time. I am a strong independent woman and many times due to the brain injury I run the home independently with Juan running point for transportation of the children. This in itself has allowed me to work outside of the home for many years, and I did not realize how much I appreciated that small detail of our daily lives until this roughly six-week timeframe in our lives.


One day I found myself calling a dear friend that lives in Texas bawling my eyes out. I felt like I was losing my mind. I could see Juan’s medical care being neglected. My job performance was struggling. My children were struggling at school and I felt like everything was completely out of control. I was failing to juggle my job, my husband’s medical care, my children’s medical care and school schedule, and training this sick pup. All I could see were my failures and something had to give. Life is always more clear through someone else’s eyes and my friend helped me see that I am great at forgiving and giving grace to others and terrible at remembering I am also human. She also reminded me that we were at a crossing in life and it was time to prioritize. We needed to make some changes in life if we were not thriving- it was time to determine how that could be changed.

Juan and I sat down and decided that it was time to make the life changes we had spoken about in passing when things in life would get difficult. I need to be present in my husband’s care as well as make sure that my children are developing into functional members of society. I realized that I had put so much of myself into my work that I had placed my husband’s care on the back burner. I had only attended a mental health appointment over a large amount of time and there were things that had not been addressed because I had stopped attending his appointments. My children were not doing well in school and were starting to have behavior issues because I have put their needs on the back burner for my job. We sat down and realized that we had to make changes so that I could come home and get control of the situations in our life that needed my full attention.


In the midst of all the chaos that was ensuing, we decided to sell our home and move 1,100 miles from Colorado to Texas. Although this doesn’t sound like the perfect answer to the issues I just told you about, it is cheaper in Texas to live and I can stay home. This decision will change our lives, but the process of getting there requires my undivided attention. Selling a house is hard work. In between doctor appointments and trying to help the boss I have worked with for over eight years restructure her practice, I am having open houses and showing the house on a two hour window any time they request a showing. I am packing up my Husband, children, and dogs for five hours at a time while four of us have been diagnosed with influenza A. I am answering constant emails from the realtor and title company. I am hiring 2 new employees and creating step by step instructions on how to do my job. I am calling every doctor, teacher, and treatment facility to get records so that our transition to Texas is as smooth as possible. I am overwhelmed.


We are less than two weeks from closing on our house as I write this blog. I am packing and checking the final boxes of things I have to complete for this move. My Husband is playing golf on his phone, his version of stress relief. PTSD tends to rear its ugly head and cause many Veterans to shut down and or get angry and lash out during times of high stress. I am working hard to help my husband feel included and involved as we transition from the life we have known in Colorado to the life we need in Texas. I make sure that he has direction and purpose in this process so that in the end it is a positive experience for him no matter what I have to take on in the process. I am working hard to help everyone through this process and trying my best to give myself the same grace I give my Husband in times like this. There will be things that are put on the back burner because I am only human; however, I know that I am doing my best and at the end of the day- this too shall pass.

-Christy Perez, Veteran Caregiver