Invisible Wounds

Sometimes, even physical wounds can be invisible.
 
Sometimes, my kids miss it and sometimes I do too.

There wasn’t an overnight miracle that happened and took the bullet out of Donny’s head.
In 15 years, he’s gotten really good at functioning while in pain and honestly, he’s in pain most of the time. Donny’s also gotten really good at masking what pain he’s feeling. He does routinely get chiropractic adjustments, he takes a new CBD product called Zilis Ultra Cell that was given to him by the CEO of company through a program they have called the Patriot Program. The adjustments and CBD oil help bring his pain down and he really likes them, but he still has some pain.

I can’t really imagine what it would feel like to have nerve damage and the whole tip of a bullet stuck in my head and I wouldn’t want to!

He knows that in the big picture his injury isn’t nearly as horrific as some of the heroes he works with. With warriors being burned severely like Shilo Harris or losing several limbs like J.D. Williams. Or even fighting to keep a small piece of vision like Hugo Gonzalez. Donny knows his injury could’ve been so much worse and he draws a lot of inspiration and motivation from the heroes above and some of the others he works with. He tells me all the time how awesome it is that some of these veterans have lost so much but their lives are still so full and positive.

Sometimes Donny will start rubbing his neck while we’re watching a show or driving. I don’t think he knows that I see this every time and I know why he’s doing it. It hurts my heart to think of the pain the bullet is causing or the ‘Eagle Syndrome’ condition that he’s developed because of the damage to the area. When its practical I always offer to rub his neck and he almost never says no when I do! I love being able to do something like that and to see the relief and gratitude on his face. He always thanks me for rubbing his neck and shoulders and I know if I didn’t stop for hours, he wouldn’t ask me to. When Donny gives Everleigh a bath I usually take her out because we’ve seen that the bending over required to fill the bath, wash her (15 + minutes of play of course) then take her out and get ready, put a lot of strain on his neck. He’ll occasionally do it anyways before I have a chance to come and offer. Usually though, when he does, it causes him to hurt for a while.

He’s gotten to the point where he doesn’t want to tell me about his hurting very much because he thinks it’s the same thing he’s been saying for years. I tell him “babe, with age and everything else it’s only going to get worse” and we both know that’s true. I love him more and more because of the strength he shows. Not just with his injury but with the love he shows our kids and with how much he pushed himself to be as normal as possible, even when it hurts him.

The best thing he can do (and kinda sucks at) is talk to me about how he’s feeling and what’s going on with him. I can’t know to do more for him if he’s hurting and doesn’t let me know. Like I said, sometimes me and the kid’s kind of forget that Donny had such a serious wound and that it causes pain and more problems all the time.

I’m so lucky to still have my husband - my kids’ father - my best friend and my veteran in my life. He completes us and we make him whole. I hope to share our life story 30 years from now with him still pushing himself, driving me a little crazy and loving me with all his heart.

Do you think he’ll get better at telling me what is really happening with him?

-Sarah D., Veteran Caregiver & HTH Director