Have you ever looked at a picture and everything you felt that day, came rushing back to you?
This picture, this picture is hiding so much. You can see that I’m smiling, my husband is smiling. If you look a little closer, you may be able to see the tears that we just shed.
What? You were crying in this picture!?
Yes, I was a wreck.
With his strong arms around me and the words of strength he said to me, I cried and cried and cried. However, I had to keep it together. I have four daughter’s that came running inside and were super happy that their dad was home. (at the time, he worked out on the road.) So, me being me, I had to dry my eyes and put on a smile. My oldest daughter was so happy to see her dad with his arm around me, said, freeze, don’t move. I want to take your picture. Mom, you look so pretty and dad, I never see you holding mom like that.
In my mind, I’m telling myself, smile, smile don’t break down.
We both smiled big, and it made our kids so happy.
What you don’t know, what you can’t tell from this picture is three days before, I was pregnant with our first son. Two days earlier, I found out at my doctor’s appointment, that his heartbeat wasn’t there anymore. Day of this picture, my husband was flown home to be with us. The next day, we went in to deliver our son. Bo Gunner was to be his name. I think about him all the time, it was 7.5 years ago. My heart still aches for him.
I’m a wife, my husband’s caregiver and a mom. I’m strong for my family. On this day, I fought to be strong. My husband seen me at my worst, he has picked me up and held me, and on this day- he was strong for me. He was my rock.
My husband has his struggles with PTSD. Some days are good, some are bad. But he keeps trying to have more good days.
I have my struggles with the loss of our first son. But I remind myself that God had other plans for him.
We keep reminding each other of what we have and keep fighting to keep it going strong, Together.
-Kacy R.
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