Let me start this blog post with another little insight into my life. I have seven children. Three older children from my first marriage, two kiddos with my current wife, and we adopted 2 children. Their ages range from 23 to 7. This past May my youngest child from my first marriage graduated from high school. This event was difficult for me. Gabrielle is the youngest of my older set of children and her graduation means she will be leaving for college soon. It literally marks an end to one very large chapter in my life. 
Fast forward to this weekend. Gabrielle is leaving for college Sunday. I am having a hard time processing this. Christy and Gabrielle are at the table Saturday discussing the plans for Sunday. We have decided that with Lunas allergic reaction and the Prednisone making her pee every 30 minutes, that it would be a bad idea to take her with us. I am struggling once again with the change in plans. I had planned to take her with me and caring for her will be a distraction from the sadness that is dropping my baby off at college. Now I realize I will not have that distraction. I will not have that tiny dog that requires my attention and I will have to be present in this process. The reality makes me mad. I spend Saturday night being difficult to be around- picking small fights with my wife and kids to keep from really thinking about the next day. 
Sunday morning, we get up and go to the gym early. I know I need to work off some of this anxiety. We head home and I go about taking care of Luna. Getting her fed, getting her meds. I shower and it’s time to leave. Today is going to be a tough day. I am very sad that Luna is not going but I am grateful she will be waiting for me when I get home. I am also grateful that my wife is with me and I do not have to face this alone. We pack up Gabrielle’s things and head to Boulder.
The day goes pretty well. We get there about two hours early, so we have time to spend exploring the campus a little and getting some souvenirs. We unload the car and Christy stays with Gabrielle to unpack while her Mom and I go park our cars. When I am stressed, my OCD kicks in. I want to organize everything. I want to color sort her clothes, fold and sort her drawers, scrub the room from top to bottom. I want to fix and make a difference with so many things; however, Gabrielle wants to be an adult and do all these things herself. Christy spends part of the time stopping me from doing things Gabrielle doesn’t want me to do. She has spent the better part of 13 years mediating my relationship with my kids and ex-wife. Today she does it in a gentle way knowing that I am really struggling. It is finally time for us to leave because Gabrielle has a meeting and we can’t be there with her for it. Christy is a photographer and often captures moments when we are not looking. This moment was one that I was dreading, I did not want to let my baby girl go.
We leave Gabrielle in Boulder as an adult. This is the first time she doesn’t have to move from one house to another. This is the first time she will stay at one house for an extended period. I am proud and sad all at the same time. We drive home and realize we are now a home with only 3 small children. All the older kids are grown and moved out, and the era of little's has begun. I get in comfortable CU Boulder apparel and snuggle my puppy and wife. This day has been emotional and draining, and all I want to do is sleep.
-Juan P.
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