Ashlee Williams and Megan Zimmerman are both caregivers to wounded Veterans. They both have their own incredible stories and have become best friends throughout the recovery process of their husbands. Ashlee is a team lead with the Heroes Thanking Heroes program. Megan is a fellow for the Elizabeth Dole Foundation. Having people in our lives that truly understand the trials and hardships we face is very important. Hear more from them this month on how they’ve dealt with life after war.
I’m Ashlee, also known as J.D.’s wife. That’s right, the girl you might not have noticed because you were so intrigued by my husband’s body. I get it. There aren’t many triple amputees out there so when you finally come face to face with one, reality hits and you start thinking of how you would survive if you were forced to be in his shoes (totally generalizing here, he doesn’t even have feet). You express your gratitude and appreciation to him and shake his hand. If you’re not too busy, you strike up a conversation with him and soon come to the realization that you are talking to an incredible human being, a true hero. You walk away smiling because you see that even the worst of situations can be overcame and your bad day wasn’t quiet as bad as you thought it was. What you might not have noticed is that I am also smiling as you walk away because I know the journey behind the happiness you see.
My whole life changed in an instant. Before deployments, the Army prepares spouses for 2 scenarios- the return of our soldier, or the return of our soldier in a casket. I may not have been on the battlefield with him but worrying became my lifestyle. The idea that my husband may come home without 3 of his limbs not once ever crossed my mind-until it happened.
We spent months in the ICU and hospital wards, went through numerous surgeries, more extensive amputations, skin grafts, and wound care. There were happy days...
and there were horrible days. I won’t sugarcoat it. My husband was angry. Coming to the realization that everything is different now quickly began to eat away at him. At the time, our daughter was 11 months old. For the next 2 years of her life, she would be dragged around hospitals and recovery centers all while living in a hotel or small apartment. Trying to grasp on to any sense of normalcy we had left, I pushed forward each day unsure how I was going to make it through the next. Worry and fear consumed me. Too hardheaded to ask for help from the numerous family and friends offering it, I let myself get so consumed into making sure everyone else was okay, that I forgot about ME.
After living in Texas for 2 long years for recovery, rehabilitation and retirement, I was certain that I would feel settled once we were back home in Kentucky. That just wasn’t the case. We were spending every waking moment together with no want to get out and do anything. Even going to visit family felt like an impossible task. Though his military career would always be apart of us, the question of “What’s next?” gloomed over us daily and the uncertainties spiraled me into an overwhelming state of anxiety and depression.
Since my husband was injured back in 2010, I have had the opportunity to meet hundreds of caregivers, some have even became close friends. Each year, I am beginning to see more and more acknowledgement and credit given to these individuals who make their own sacrifices for the well being of our Military Veterans. Caregivers are being noticed, advocated for and most importantly, appreciated. I’ve grown from being that invisible girl behind the chair full of uncertainty to an advocate for others and a voice. A voice for all caregivers that are overwhelmed with life and the obstacles we’ve had to face. How did I overcome? I found something for ME.
I began working for the Heroes Thanking Heroes program in 2013, about 9 months after our return home to Kentucky. Going from working full time prior to the explosion to being a stay at home Mom and Caregiver was a huge adjustment for me and in large part the cause of my anxiety and depression. I needed to work. But that would require me to leave the house for extended periods of time and the idea was to remove the worry and stress from my life, not contribute to it. I began to research jobs I could do from home and came across the website for the Coalition to Salute America’s Heroes. I immediately applied for the HTH program and soon became apart of a truly amazing family.
Being able to work from home and around Dr.’s appointments and school schedules is truly a blessing, especially for us caregivers. We often don’t choose to be jobless, that is just one of the many sacrifices we sometimes have to make. There are no other programs out there similar to the Heroes Thanking Heroes program but there is a huge need for this type of assistance. While the income is helpful, the relationships I have built through the Coalition to Salute America’s Heroes and the opportunities I have been given have truly saved my life. The confidence I have gained has helped to make me a better wife for my Veteran and a better Mother to our child. Once I was happy in my own life, I was able to support and encourage my husband on his endeavors.
His endeavors- Because everyone wants a happy ending to a story, right? Every day I watch him inspire at least one individual, some days even more. He never lets his injuries hold him back from something he wants to do. He is an avid outdoorsmen that has used the outdoors as his own therapy. Now, he uses his experiences to help other Veterans in their battles after war through an organization he founded, Mohawk Outdoors. He recently became an ambassador for the Coalition to Salute America’s Heroes and a board member for the Sportsman’s Foundation for Military Families. He amazes me every single day.
So, this hero that inspired you today… just imagine if you knew our whole journey.
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My name is Megan Zimmerman. For six years now, I’ve been the “girl behind the wheelchair.” In 2011, my husband, Jack Zimmerman was severely injured while deployed in Afghanistan. He lost both of his legs and most of the fingers on his right hand. At the time he was injured, we were newly engaged. I was 20 years old, from a sheltered small town in Minnesota, a sophomore in college, living in a dingy apartment and working a minimum wage job. What should have been some of the happiest days of my life; planning a wedding to the man I loved, thinking about where we’d live and if we’d one day have children, turned into long surgeries, sleepless nights in a plastic recliner next to his hospital bed, sponge baths and wound care. I looked at the sleeping man in the hospital bed, who just two weeks earlier had gotten down on one knee and asked me to be his wife and hardly recognized my life. But that is just it… this was my life now and I had a decision to make. Would I stay beside him throughout the many surgeries, obstacles and difficult days to come or would I walk away?
Two months later, Jack and I were married during a very private ceremony with our parents and siblings alongside us. Our wedding day was perfect in every way. We recently celebrated six years of marriage.
I had made my decision, to stay beside the man I loved, in sickness and health. I vowed to be faithful to him and to help him every day of our lives. The next two years would test our marriage in every possible way; twenty plus surgeries, a year of chauffeuring him daily to appointments, meetings, and therapy. The heartbreaking news that due to his injuries, we would never have our own children. Wound care and dressing change up to 8 times a day. Helping him go to the bathroom, brush his teeth, shave, shower, apply deodorant, get dressed, and transferring to every surface. This on top of attempting to maintain my “wifely duties,” keeping us fed and in clean clothes while living out of various hotels and apartments, trying to make each a home. As if the odds of successful marriages in the military were already against us, add in all the other stressors we were facing in our young marriage and it seemed we would be doomed from the start. We had days of wedded bliss and days that we fought for hours, but through each day we maintained the deepest love one can imagine and enough pride and sacrifice from one another to get us through.
We relocated to Texas where top of the line facilities were located for amputees to learn to walk using prosthetics and to learn to live a new life. The days were so long for me. I was lonely, frustrated and felt I had no personal identity. That was about the time I met Ashlee Williams. Ashlee’s husband JD, was much like my husband Jack. They were both infantrymen from the 101st and enjoyed hunting, fishing and being outdoors. Ashlee and I immediately clicked and quickly became the best of friends. We were inseparable and the four of us (five including the Williams young daughter) had many long talks about our unique situations, dinners, drinks, birthday celebrations and so much more during our time in Texas. They became our family while we were there.
Still, I longed for something that I could do for myself. I made the decision one year after Jack was injured to go back to college. It was a long road and at times very difficult for me to find a balance between being Jacks caregiver and wife and also being a student, but I’m extremely proud to say I have graduated with my bachelor’s degree in communication studies. Being a student again gave me an identity that I longed for since Jack was injured and I quickly learned that my entire life could not be put on hold any longer. I needed to find things that made me happy. Hobbies, friends, working out, activities, anything!
Finally, Jack was medically retired from the U.S. Army. We said goodbye to the Williams family, packed up the belongings of our first two years of marriage together and moved home to Minnesota. One week before we moved home, I learned that despite being told we would never be able to have our own children, I was pregnant with a baby boy. We welcomed our son William to the world in May of 2013 and his brother Benjamin followed shortly after in October of 2014.
Now a caregiver, wife, and new mom, I started searching for a way that I could make an impact on other caregivers and share my long journey with them. The Elizabeth Dole Foundation was my answer. The Elizabeth Dole Foundation is an organization that supports the 5.5 million military caregivers across our nation. The foundation was founded in 2012 by Senator Elizabeth Dole and works with leaders in the public, private, nonprofit, labor and faith communities to recognize military caregivers service and promote their well-being. The foundation works to empower Americas’ military caregivers by raising public awareness, participating in research and significantly impacting lives.
My husband has been extremely supportive of me as I’ve tried to map out what my life will look like now and what will make me happy. Jack has found his passion in training hunting and service dogs and now has his own training business, Blue Cord Kennels. Our marriage is strong, our children are happy, Jack is healthy and we are living a life where we are proud of his service and sacrifice and proud to be Americans.
I challenge each of you to stop being the girl behind the wheelchair. Get out there. Find a hobby, do something you love, advocate for a cause, volunteer for something you’re passionate about, and over all, ask for help when you need it!
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