A year passed, we spoke on the phone a few times, not really sharing anything pertinent in our lives at the time. The Lance Corporal was grateful to know someone still on the island when he landed at the airport the night before he was due to report into base and needed a ride. I gave him a ride to base that night, and we have been together ever since.
I did not know it that night when I gave him a ride that what he had just been through would be called by many the deadliest battle for the Marine Corps since Vietnam. I did not know how what he had just gone through would make it difficult for him to comfort our crying baby even though he desperately wanted to pick him up and help soothe his son. I did not know that his experiences would make it difficult for him to shop in busy stores or be on the road during rush hour.
I did not realize that we would develop a long and careful process for meeting anyone new in our lives or going to new locations. I did not know how simple aspects of daily life would become complicated, time-consuming, and draining. I did not know how incredibly strong my husband truly was and is in his relentless pursuit to heal.
That is not to say I have not had my own struggles in supporting him through his. There were many times early in our marriage, especially during his remaining active duty years, that I simply did not know what was going on with him. I knew he loved me, I knew when his anxiety attacks (I would learn what to call those moments later) came on that he didn’t mean the things he said. I also knew we couldn’t do this, whatever it was, on our own.
I started looking up things online and realized his experiences in war had affected him more than I knew and more than he was ready to accept. With time, so much time, patience and love we slowly became familiar with people, groups, and organizations that would help our family and especially my husband in his road to recovery.
Looking back, I can’t imagine how much more difficult it would have been to travel this road on our own. Seeing the progress that my husband and our family has made over the years including the progress we are still making has been catapulted by the generous support and kindness of a network of strangers. From individual kind gestures to comprehensive support, we are so grateful for the countless number of acts of kindness we have received making my husband’s healing process possible.
Sometimes when my husband was still active duty, a stranger who recognized he was military when our family was out to a meal, they would anonymously pay for our bill. My husband who rarely asked for help was greatly humbled by such generosity and touched that people did appreciate his sacrifices. When he would become comfortable with an organization that offered support to veterans during their time of healing, he would and still does marvel that he is not alone.
I think the most important thing that both my husband and our entire family appreciates about the support given to us by wonderful organizations such as the Coalition to Salute America’s Heroes and their Heroes Thanking Heroes Program is the patience. There is no rush, no expectation that would only add to the pressure and confusion of the healing process. It is daunting for my husband, for our family to look at our journey and say, “Wow. It took this long to come only this far!?” It takes even more courage, even more strength after you’re sure you’ve already given all you have, to continue the process, to keep pushing and keep trying. The worst thing to be heard would be criticism that the process is not yet done.
Such a criticism would take back any progress made and shut down the hope of further progress. It is the patience that each wounded warrior is allowed to heal in their own time, their own way and that yes, the country, the network of strangers will still be there with whatever support they are able to provide. No judgement, no pressure, no expectations, just gratitude and support that tells them they are not alone, that we will all get through this together.
If you have ever supported any of the wonderful organizations that help our veterans such as the Coalition to Salute America’s Heroes, I would like to thank you. Thank you for realizing even a small gift will add to the strength of the textile of support these organizations are able to organize, facilitate and deliver directly to veterans and their families. Creating a larger impact for good through an organized effort we could not provide as individuals to individuals without the help of these trusted organizations. Thank you for helping my family, thank you for helping the most wonderful man, person I have ever known. Thank you for helping to salute my Hero.
-Anonymous, USMC Spouse & Veteran Caregiver
No comments:
Post a Comment