This weeks blog posts are coming in from a rural town in North East Texas. Antoinette is the program manager of the Coalition to Salute America's Heroes Veteran Circle. You can learn more about Antoinette and her families story here https://saluteheroes.org/antoinette-batchelor/.
Its Tuesday morning here in North East Texas, the weather outside reflects the mood in our house today. A clearing of sorts after the rain. I’m sitting in my office, listening to my husband supervise breakfast in the kitchen, blessed to be able to work from my house, especially during these summer months when our children are home.
Yesterday was Memorial Day. My husband will be morose for at least another week. He takes the time to remember his fallen friends on Memorial day, and then punishes himself for the next week. Survivors guilt will eat him up. He will be short, ill tempered, sad, introspective. I’ll have to remind him to take his medication, to be patient with our children, to give his struggles to God. It’s an exhausting week for all of us.
Our oldest child is big enough now to recognize the pattern, he is learning when Daddy needs time alone, It breaks my heart that he has to learn that. Hes already starting to question at 5 why his Daddy isn’t like his friends Daddy. Its hard to explain to a child born after deployment. We don’t want to upset him, but we don’t want to keep it from him. We have many veteran friends, but he doesn’t really understand yet what that means. He sees soldiers on the television but doesn’t relate that to his Dad, I think my husband prefers it that way. He never mentions his time in service around our children, I think he’s sheltering them in a way, or sheltering himself. He doesn’t want the barrage of questions that come with a curious 5 year old and the knowledge that his father went to war. He doesn’t want it to change their view of him.
They’ll find out one day. I worry how he is going to handle those questions. I worry how hes going to feel the first time he hears our sons brag to one of their friends that their daddy has killed people. I’m not naive enough to believe it wont happen. Young men are prone to posturing, and it happens younger and younger. In a culture that glorifies violence I don’t think its something we will be able to avoid. I hope that our children are learning, from the people we surround them with, that war isn’t something to make light of. I guess only time will tell.
I think a coffee refill is in order. Neither of us sleep well this time of year.
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| Charleston, Texas. |
Its Tuesday morning here in North East Texas, the weather outside reflects the mood in our house today. A clearing of sorts after the rain. I’m sitting in my office, listening to my husband supervise breakfast in the kitchen, blessed to be able to work from my house, especially during these summer months when our children are home.
Yesterday was Memorial Day. My husband will be morose for at least another week. He takes the time to remember his fallen friends on Memorial day, and then punishes himself for the next week. Survivors guilt will eat him up. He will be short, ill tempered, sad, introspective. I’ll have to remind him to take his medication, to be patient with our children, to give his struggles to God. It’s an exhausting week for all of us.
Our oldest child is big enough now to recognize the pattern, he is learning when Daddy needs time alone, It breaks my heart that he has to learn that. Hes already starting to question at 5 why his Daddy isn’t like his friends Daddy. Its hard to explain to a child born after deployment. We don’t want to upset him, but we don’t want to keep it from him. We have many veteran friends, but he doesn’t really understand yet what that means. He sees soldiers on the television but doesn’t relate that to his Dad, I think my husband prefers it that way. He never mentions his time in service around our children, I think he’s sheltering them in a way, or sheltering himself. He doesn’t want the barrage of questions that come with a curious 5 year old and the knowledge that his father went to war. He doesn’t want it to change their view of him.
They’ll find out one day. I worry how he is going to handle those questions. I worry how hes going to feel the first time he hears our sons brag to one of their friends that their daddy has killed people. I’m not naive enough to believe it wont happen. Young men are prone to posturing, and it happens younger and younger. In a culture that glorifies violence I don’t think its something we will be able to avoid. I hope that our children are learning, from the people we surround them with, that war isn’t something to make light of. I guess only time will tell.
I think a coffee refill is in order. Neither of us sleep well this time of year.
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