Sunday, April 7, 2019

Veteran Strong: How "Dr." Phil Got It All Wrong


Dr. Phil, I am appalled. 
Appalled that you would give such terrible advice to a young, challenged couple and demand a decision be made for... You? Who ARE you?  I am the proud wife AND caregiver to a triple-amputee, disabled veteran who served in the United States Army and you are absolutely wrong.


Because I don’t recommend watching the episode, here’s the rundown-

A recent Dr. Phil episode featured Bailey, who has quadriplegia, and his girlfriend Harley who is the primary caregiver to Bailey. Clearly, the two were struggling with the challenges of their relationship, and I genuinely felt for them. I could sense the guilt in Harley’s demeanor that I often notice in my husband when he needs my help with a task a grown man should be able to perform, but he simply can not. 

“you’re gonna need to make a choice for me, and you’re gonna need to make it today. You can be his caregiver, or you can be his lover, you can’t be both.”

“this won’t work, it won’t kinda not work, IT WON’T WORK, 100 out of 100 times it won’t work.”

Wow Phil, I can’t even add the title “Dr.” after that completely ignorant statement. 

Consider me 101.

Because, it WILL work.

How do I know this? 
9 years ago, I faced an extremely difficult decision. As my husband laid in a hospital bed fighting for his life, I was forced to decide- 

“Would I be his caregiver forever?’
“How would I let this affect our marriage? 
“Is it possible to still love this man who I now have to help wash, feed, & walk?”

I’d like to be able to say that giving up was NOT an option, but my husband lost three limbs unexpectedly. We were in our early twenties with life plans, and we had a baby to care for. We almost failed because of statements like Phil’s, but we CHOSE both.

In my career, I am surrounded by severely wounded, ill, and disabled veterans, along with their families. Wheelchairs, canes, and prosthetics are a normal part of our daily life. The whole episode disrespectfully referred to disabilities as a “burden” and gives the false representation that people with disabilities are unworthy of love.  I didn’t watch Dr. Phil before, and I definitely will not be tuning in now. Ever.  

Bailey and Harley, take it from someone who knows…
Caregiving is not easy. For anyone. A child, a parent, a sibling, and certainly the spouse. There will be frustration. There will be arguments. Setbacks occur frequently, and some days, you just feel like throwing in the towel. 

Instead, I pick that towel up, fold it Marie Kondo style, put it in the cabinet for that relaxing bath I am going to need later and then I turn straight Lover mode. I climb in my husband’s wheelchair bound lap, resting my head on his shoulder, reminding him that I’m much more than a caregiver and together, We got this.
Why? Because the joy of our accomplishments far outweigh the challenges. 

I am my husband’s caregiver. But first and foremost, I am his Wife. His partner. I am Mrs. Will, my husband’s lover. I am 1 of the 100 that WILL make it.

-Ashlee Williams, Wife AND Caregiver to disabled veteran

10 years Strong! - J.D. & Ashlee Williams


Interabled Relationships do work.  The proof is in the photos.  Take a look at these veteran couples that are proving daily how everyone is equally deserving of love despite any diseases, illnesses, or physical limitations. We are defying your odds, Phil.  We are #VeteranStrong.


“He wasn’t supposed to live, and according to Phil, we’re not supposed to be a couple. We beat the odds together”. -Matt & Stephanie Owens 12 years and going.

"15 years together and still going STRONG" - Arthur & Denys Wells

"Almost 7 years married and forever to go!" - Joel & Tiffany Steinmann


"When he is my heart and I am his reason to pick up the pieces." - Lacy & Antonio Mullen, 14 years Strong.


8 years Strong! - Jack & Megan Zimmerman


"17 years and going Strong!" - Trey & Joy Marshall






3 comments:

  1. Absolutely love this it’s perfect! Great job Ashlee and I truly hope Bailey and Harley see this. I’m proud to be a part of your blog post!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I met JD at BAMC in 2011(?). I ran the Heroes on the Water program and we fished many times together. His spirit even in those first months after injury was strong. I don't know a lot of about what happened to those young warriors I worked with in those years, so it's great to know your story. Sure would like to wet a line again someday.

    ReplyDelete

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